


Hearth

by AuriferousEyes



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Badass Zuko (Avatar), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Long, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), Protective Zuko (Avatar), Romance, Series, Soft Zuko (Avatar), Sweet, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko - Freeform, Zuko Fluff, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27260632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuriferousEyes/pseuds/AuriferousEyes
Summary: Zuko finds himself protecting someone who has almost as many secrets as he does
Relationships: Zuko (Avatar)/Original Character(s), Zuko (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s), Zuko (Avatar)/Reader
Comments: 35
Kudos: 90





	1. A Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This takes places in a modified time line. After Tales of Ba Sing Se, but add a year and a half almost before the next episode! Therefore Zuko is 18.

Zuko detested boiling water.  
The youth stood with his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently. The water seemed to taunt him, teasing with an occasional bubble. How he yearned to pull the fire higher, make the flame searing hot. He cast a wary eye around the tea house. The day was winding to an end, with only a couple in the corner. The one who Zuko was desperately trying to boil this water for. He couldn't risk it though, his Uncle's mishap with Jet still fresh in his mind. At the thought of the devil Iroh swept in from the back room, yawning loudly. He gave Zuko a wide smile, redonning his apron.  
"Inventory is done! Everything is all set." Iroh proclaimed. Zuko rolled his eyes at him, knowing the old man had been snoozing on the bags of rice they used to roast for tea.  
As he finally pulled the water from the stove top, replacing it with a new one, the bell on the door jingled. Zuko's back was to the entrance, preparing another pot of the best seller jasmine tea.  
"Welcome!" boomed Iroh, rushing to greet the guest. "Please, take a seat. I don't think I've seen you here before! I'd remember a beauty like you." A tinkling laugh greeted the old man's flirting, and Zuko's hands stilled. " Are you new to the neighborhood?" Iroh asked.  
A soft voice answered. Zuko had never heard it before, but it sounded sweet. A foreign lilt to it, a tone like song. He could barely process what the girl was saying, he was so caught in the sound of it.  
"New to the city actually. I just got in the other night. I heard around that this was the best tea house in the Nation, and I needed to try it." She said. Iroh hummed his agreement, launching into recommendations as she smiled at his eagerness.  
Zuko turned around, the pot on a tray. He kept his back straight and eyes ahead, trying his best not to stare down the figure seated by the window.  
He caught the flash of green eyes as the stranger looked towards him.  
Nearing the couple in the corner, Zuko noticed their conversation shut down immediately. The man had his hands in fists, and the woman had tears in her eyes. She seemed upset. He noticed the swell of the woman's stomach as he removed the old pot. Pregnant. That explained the sensitivity. He hadn't spent much time around pregnant women, but knew about the volatility. He'd have to keep that in mind, and let Iroh know. They had a good tea for expectant mothers that Iroh liked to recommend. Zuko caught himself, turning around with the old teapot on his tray. Is this what the prince had become? Filing away info to increase tea sales? A smirk crossed his face. His Uncle really was getting to his head.  
As he looked up, the green eyes caught his. He almost stumbled, catching himself before he broke the precious pot.  
"Lee! Be careful now, that's one of my favourites." Iroh scolded before he turned back to young woman. She was looking back at Iroh, her eyes lakes of green. Earth Kingdom stock. A lock of deep black hair had escaped from her high ponytail, and she brushed it behind her ear with delicate fingers. Iroh had made a joke, and her full lips moved into a smile, a giggle escaping them that made Zuko's eyes soften. Her gaze slide back to meet his and Zuko responded with moving even faster to the backroom. He dumped the tray in their makeshift sink, almost breaking the pot and swearing to himself. He had acted like an absolute idiot out there. He grabbed a bucket of water and began to furiously clean the dishes, his jaw clenched. The curtain moved as Iroh came back in to grab a new cannister of oolong.  
"What a benefit of the trade, hey nephew." Iroh said, prompting Zuko to look at him. Iroh waggled his thick grey brows, and their similarities to caterpillars increased. "We get to chat up such pretty ladies! Maybe you should take the tray out to her."  
Zuko's expression was unimpressed. "You tried this with Jin, Uncle. And looked how well it turned out. Haven't you learned your lesson about meddling?" The last part came out harsher than he intended. He hadn't seen the Earth Nation girl since their date. He hadn't expected different, but the thought still gave him a sick feeling. It was for the best he didn't make connections like that.  
Iroh shrugged, picking up the tray. "Can't say I didn't try, young man. You know I'm a romantic at heart." Zuko scoffed at that, returning to his dishes. Before his Uncle could pass through the dividing curtain there was a loud crash from the front of the tea house. Then a scream. Within a second Zuko and Iroh and burst through, Zuko struggling to contain the instinct to draw fire from his core. Instead he grabbed a knife, missing the weight of his swords.  
The scene that greeted them was far from the image of peace they had left. Instead Zuko watched the green eyed stranger cocked her arm back, delivering a forceful punch into the back of the man's head. Then he realised the man held the spout of the porcelain pot in one hand. The rest of the pot was shattered across the face of the pregnant woman, who laid on the ground clutching her face, a keening scream erupting from her throat. The man turned around, blindly grabbing at the green eyed girl who launched her knee into his stomach.  
"You BASTARD." She screamed. "She's fucking pregnant you bastard!!" The man doubled over, his eyes never leaving the girl's face. She leapt back, but not fast enough. He grabbed her and his free hand came back, readying for a blow with the spout clutched in his fist. She didn't flinch, meeting his eyes with a fiery strength. He never had the chance to deliver it. Iroh let out a bellow which made the man hesitate, and Zuko finally jumped into action. He was across the floor in a flash, grabbing the man's arm and using the momentum to send their bodies crashing into the tables. He rolled on top, planting his knee on the man's chest and the knife to his throat. "Don't. Move." He hissed between breaths, his chest heaving with adrenaline. The man stared up at Zuko.  
"I don't want trouble." He said simply, attempting to raise his hands in submission. Zuko growled and pressed the knife tighter to his skin. "Just let me take my woman and go. This wouldn't have been a problem if that bitch didn't get involved." He glared over Zuko's shoulder at the green eyed woman, who gave a sickly sweet grin before rushing to the pregnant woman's side.  
"I said don't move. You were fine with picking trouble with fucking pregnant women, weren't you? You're lucky I don't slit your throat." Zuko spoke quietly, allowing the edge of the blade to part the skin on his neck slightly. The man stilled underneath him.  
Behind him the Iroh and the girl and picked up the pregnant woman, guiding her out to the street.  
"We need a doctor, she's burnt and she's bleeding." The girl said, her steady voice reaching Zuko.  
"I know a doctor nearby, stay here with her. The guards should be here soon." Iroh said, gesturing to the small group of people gathering. The commotion was loud enough to alert the neighbors, and nothing escaped the over zealous police force in Ba Sing Se. The green eyed girl knelt beside the woman, speaking in soft comforting tones. The woman sobbed, moaning in pain as her tears agitated the scraps on her cheek, and the raw skin. Within moments the guards had arrived, walking past the sobbing woman into the tea house.  
"He's the one on the bottom" the young woman called out after them.  
Zuko had been locked in position, not giving an inch to the man he held by throat. Though his breathing had calmed, Zuko's heart was racing. He hated dealing with guards. He looked over his shoulder, making eye contact with the foremost one who regarded him with suspicion.  
"Thank you, young man. We'll take it from here." With a swift stomp, shackles made from Earth engulfed the man's ankles and Zuko adeptly jumped off of him. He walked towards the back, his posture tense. He hoped no one called out to him. Fetching a broom he watched as two of the guards led the man outside.  
Zuko watched through the door as the pregnant woman cowered as he passed her. The doctor had arrived, and Iroh stood impassively beside them. The green eyed girl stepped between the woman and the man. She was taller than Zuko expected, seemed to be only a few inches shorter than him. She had pulled herself up, staring into the man's face. She whispered something that made the man's brow furrow, he reared back and spat at her.  
Zuko bristled, the broom nearly breaking in his hands. How dare he. Zuko found himself rushing to do the door, desperately wishing he had the knife in his hand again. He was going to cut that bastards tongue from his mouth. Before he reached them, Iroh was there. He delivered an open hand slap, which snapped the man's head to the side. Zuko stopped in his tracks, and bit back a satisfied laugh. His fire wasn't quenched, but it felt good to see that. The girl laughed out, wiping the spit from her face and flicking it at the scorned man.  
"I'm sorry, men. But my nephew got most of the blows in earlier, he just gave me a reason to get my piece." Iroh said, not an ounce of regret in his words.  
The guards looked at each, and nodded.  
"Thank you for your service, citizens." One of them said, rough twisting the man's arm as they dragged him away, earth bending his bound feet through the street.  
The third guard approached Iroh and the girl. Iroh had offered her a cloth and she wiped the residue from her cheek, smiling softly. The guard spoke to them for a few minutes, before heading into the direction that the doctor had lead the pregnant woman.  
" Please, young. Come in and have some tea. You must be shaken up." Iroh said, taking the green eyed girl by the arm and guiding her through the door. He sighed as he looked over the mess. The smashed pot and overturned tables. Zuko stood in the middle of it, the broom held dumbly in his hands.  
"It'll be hard to explain this to the owner." Iroh sighed. "let me make you a pot and I'll help Lee clean up." He attempted to guide the girl to a table and she shook her head, placing her hand over his.  
"Please, let me help you clean sir." She said. Zuko watched her mouth as she spoke and her eyes turned to him. He looked away quickly, hastened into sweeping.  
"I couldn't possibly ask that of you, there's really n-" Iroh began, cut off by the girl waving her hand and laughing.  
"Good thing you didn't ask then!" She chirped, moving to upright the tables. Iroh shook his head, shooting Zuko a happy look. Zuko looked down, focusing on collecting the shards.  
"I don't think we ever probably introduced ourselves. My name is Mushi, and this is my nephew Lee." Iroh bowed deeply, slapping Zuko quickly on the elbow. He followed suit.  
The young woman returned the bow.  
"I am Y/N. I'm sorry that the circumstances of our meeting are so..." She gestured to the mess around them. "Chaotic? Volatile? Just unfortunate. It's a pleasure either way." She finished with a smile.  
"A pleasure! A pleasure indeed. Let me go get some water on to boil, we need a very strong tea after that." Iroh walked into the back, humming loudly to himself.  
Zuko kept sweeping, suddenly very interested in ensuring the floor did not have a single particle of the broken porcelain. Beside him y/n fixed the chairs and began to fiddle with the curtain rod, knocked from the window during Zuko's scuffle.  
"Excuse me, Lee?" Y/N asked. Zuko's eyes snapped up to her. She was balancing on a chair, holding the curtain rod against the wall. "Can you tell me if this is straight?"  
Zuko tore his eyes away from hers and appraised the rod. "A bit up. There. You're perfect." His face flushed at the last sentence and he turned away fast. Y/N hopped down from the chair, hiding a blush of her own. She walked over to the hole in the floor left by the guards, kicking at the earth around it.  
"Least they could have done is bend the earth back over it." She sighed and Zuko grunted his agreement. He could feel her eyes on his back and it made his neck prickle. He felt alert, maybe it was the adreneline from the fight.  
"Thank you. For helping me." She said. She had grabbed a cutting board and wedged it in the hole, pulling a deep green rug over it. She shook dust from her hands and straightened up, regarding Zuko with those god damn eyes. Something about them set them apart from the Earth Kingdom green Zuko was accustomed to. Her dark lashes were so long, they seemed to graze her cheek when she looked down.  
Zuko nodded, trying to swallow his nervousness.  
"That.. was brave of you. To hit him like that." Zuko said. Y/N shrugged. "I'm sure you would have done the same." Zuko flushed at the compliment. "I didn't think, I just... Didn't want her to get hurt more."  
"What happened? I mean, before you punched him."  
"They were arguing... And then all of a sudden she was getting up, just absolutely bawling. He grabbed her and she told him not to touch her and then..." Her hands tightened to fists as she recounted. "Then he grabbed the pot and smashed it across her face. He told her never to speak to her like that, that he was her *husband*." She spat the last word like a poison, her nails digging into her palms.  
"I wish I could have killed him." Zuko said. It was simple statement, not nearly as eloquent as the feelings coursing through his heart. But it worked. Y/N let out a laugh and nodded in agreement. Zuko looked at her, his face softening. Her hands were unclenched now.  
"Save that woman, and that child a lot of trouble." She murmured, looking downwards. The words hung in the air for a moment. Zuko's anger sparked again at the thought. It seemed the more fathers he met, the less faith he had in them as a concept.  
"Can I grab the bin? For that?" Y/N asked. She stepped closer, gesturing to the pile of shards that Zuko had swept into a jagged little mountain.  
"Yes, behind the counter." Zuko replied. His eyes were on the small beauty mark on her left cheek, right by her lips. Those lips that moved into another smile and Zuko looked away. Why was he acting like this?  
Y/N fetched the bin, kneeling in front of him. He began to sweep the shards into it. He watched the top of her head. Her hair fell in thick waves from her ponytail and Zuko wondered how it looked down.  
"Such a shame." She sighed.  
"Hu- what is?" Zuko asked, caught off guard.  
"It was a beautiful pot." She said standing up with the remnants. Zuko gave a weak half smile, moving to take the bin from her. They were close, close enough for Zuko to inhale the scent from her hair. She smelled like cedarwood and rain. Y/N looked at him from under her lashes. They both seemed to hold their breath for a moment.  
It broke with the return of Iroh, sweeping into the room with an almost comically large tray.  
"My, you two have done a lot!" He boomed as Zuko jumped back from Y/N, hurrying to dump the trash. Y/N smiled at Iroh. "Your nephew works fast, sir."  
"Please, call me Mushi! And if not that, uncle." He said, setting the tray down on a table and taking a seat. Y/N sat across, and Zuko joined them soon.  
"Uncle it is." Y/N said, taking the freshly poured tea and inhaling the steam. "It seems like the recommendation was on point. This is fantastic, so well made" She praised, sipping at the strong green tea. Iroh beamed, nudging Zuko. "Why don't you praise me like that, nephew? As well, please help yourself to the cakes!" Zuko rolled his eyes, busying himself with drinking so he didn't need to respond. Y/N smiled at that. Iroh divided the sticky sweet Earth Kingdom delicacies and Zuko eagerly dug in. It wasn't often they had these.  
"So, new in the city? Where are you from? Your accent is very unique." Iroh asked, leaning back into his seat as he finished his tea with almost inhuman speed.  
Y/N hesitated, and Zuko could see her fingers tighten around her cup. "An island, a while south of here. We're pretty isolated, not very well known."  
Iroh raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? What's the name? I'm a huge fan of geography, perhaps I'll have heard of it!"  
Y/N placed the cup back on the table. Zuko wished he could kick his Uncle to shut him up. She obviously didn't want to talk about it, but Zuko had to admit he was curious too. She looked similar to the water benders he had seen, but her features sharper and the green eyes...  
"Szeto's Isle." She said. She was fidgeting with her hands, picking at the skin beside her nails.  
Iroh watched her, a grave look on his face. "Guī Island" he said softly and Y/N looked up, her eyes bright. Zuko had never heard of this place before. But from the tension he guessed the history wasn't the kindest.  
"Yes." She said breathlessly. "Guī. Was my home. And you two?"  
"Oh, we're just refugees from a small town right outside of the province." He said as refilled their cups. Y/N seemed to take that answer in stride, and didn't pry like Iroh, Zuko noted.  
With soft chatter the tea was soon finished. Y/N pulled out a coin purse as Zuko cleared the tray. Iroh shook his head fiercely.  
"No, you are not spending a cent young lady!"  
"Oh but uncle, I would feel terrible..."  
"Then you may pay me next time you bless my doorstop. For now you should get home. Your family must be worried about you."  
A shadow crossed Y/N's face and Zuko felt a pang in his heart. He understood that. But she smiled anyways and nodded, bowing in thanks.  
"I will have to take you up on that. Thank you Uncle. Thank you Lee." She said. Zuko stared back at her, holding her gaze for a moment before nodding. "I'll be on my way now." She moved to the door. Pushing it open she looked back over her shoulder, her gaze contemplative. Iroh had his back turned, and Zuko watched her. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but decided against it. Then she was gone. Zuko looked down at his hands. He wondered if she would be safe walking so late.  
Iroh sighed deeply, taking a moment to run his hands over his face. "Guī..."  
"Where is that?" Zuko asked, perplexed to the reaction it had elicited.  
"South, South south south Earth Kingdom. They say it's the back of the last Lion Turtle. Very auspicious place, strong roots to Earth bending. Well, there used to be strong roots..."  
Zuko exhaled, slamming a cabinet door shut. "Let me guess. Until the Fire Nation."  
Iroh nodded solemnly. He was quiet for a moment, contemplating whether or not to say more. "Your father's first campaign. It was a small island. Built around the Earth bending temple. He was ruthless. They say they burnt every last room and swept the ashes to the sea. "  
Zuko scoffed, kicking at a bucket in frustration. Of course.  
Iroh moved to the front, closing the curtains. "They tried to remove any mention of earth bending. Renamed it after avatar Szetu. I don't expect the citizens enjoyed that." He walked over to the lanterns, blowing them out one by one until the tea house was enveloped by darkness. "It's very rare for people to leave, even despite that. None of the locals fled their island during occupation. To see one so far..." Iroh harrumphed, locking the door behind him as they set down the street to their apartment.  
"I wonder what she ran from."


	2. A Token

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko speaks out of turn, and has to find a way to make it up.

Your eyes open and the roof is unfamiliar. The feel of the futon as well. The sounds of the street outside. The fact there's a street outside.

You look out the nearby window, missing the trees that used to greet you back. It hadn't been a full week in this city and already you had enough of it. You sighed, turning over and pulling the blanket around yourself tighter. You were homesick. But for what? It wasn't like Szeto's Isle was a bastion of comfort and care. The thought of your old home hurt, forcing you out of bed. You needed to do something before you went sick with sadness. 

Your apartment was simple, provided by a supporter of the temple, but you were glad for it. Your grandparents had the kindness (the pity) to set you off with a destination, and a decent amount of money to tide you over. You knew it was their eagerness to be rid of you, but a part of you held it as a generosity. A gift from loving elders to their only grandchild. 

You washed your face in the basin, splashing the cool water over your closed eyes. You wondered how things would have been like if your grandfather was like Mushi. You could see his affection for his nephew, the pride and love obvious in his tone. How nice to have someone care for you like that. Lee was lucky.   
Your hands dropped to the sides of the basin, tracing the simple geometric shapes carved into the edges. Lee. You hadn't been back to the tea house since the incident a few days ago. You caught the look in your eyes, your reflection almost taunting you. You scrunched your nose back at it. What were you doing, stupid girl? 

Soon you were out the door. It felt like stepping into the sea. You had better luck orienting yourself in the actual sea, in all honesty. At least that was familiar. You let yourself be swept away, walking through the flow. The loud crash of crates tumbling over in a nearby alleyway, the yells of hawkers all made you want to shirk back into the quiet dark walls of your apartment, but you held your chin up and squared your shoulders. 

After a while of what felt like aimless wandering you stumbled into a market place. Now this... This you could get used to. Your eyes feasted on the variety of spices, fruits, street foods. Szeto's had nothing like this. They wouldn't dream of importing this vanity into their humble living.   
A stall jumped out at you. A lack of patrons, the wares not as gaudy. But your heart soared. *Books*. Whole stacks of them. You rushed over, almost knocking a pile left in front of it. The owner appraised you, then wordlessly returned to his reading. Your fingers danced over the covers, drinking in the titles and artwork. Their beauty paled the same 10 spiritual scriptures your grandparents allowed you to read. Once you had snuck a fairy tale book from the creche. You hesitated, remembering how your grandparents forced you to rip out each individual page and throw it into the river. 

You were out now. You didn't need to be beholden to them. 

"Excuse me sir. Do you happen to have any books about... Fairytales?" You asked demurely. You were 18 and inquiring about fairy tales. You had to have a little bit of shame. The old man sighed heavily as he stood up, making you regret your question. But he toddled over to one of the stacks, his back bent. You opened your mouth to take it back, you would just take this book of po- 

As sharp as a flash the man's hand shot out, grabbing and pulling a leather book from the bottom of the pile. With baited breath you leaned forward, arms out, waiting for the novels to come crashing down... But he was too fast. You clapped excitedly, laughing out loud as he offered you the book. This city was more full of characters than you had imagined. You looked down at the book in your hands and with a start realised what it was. A copy of the one your grandparents are ruined. A soft smile spread across your lips as you ran your fingers over the illustrations of cherry blossoms on the front, engraved into the leather. This seemed like a good omen. You paid the man, promising to be back soon and headed off to gather your groceries. 

Your hands were soon full, bags hanging from your arms as you struggled to make your way back. The streets looked like mirror images, and you hoped you weren't terribly lost. You stood by the side of a busy road for a section, trying to orient yourself. As you turned back the way you came, deciding you had gone too far east the sound of a yelp caught your attention. You looked across the intersection just in time to see the hand of a shop owner come down on the cheek of a young boy. The boy fell back, scrabbling into the muddy street as the shop owner advance, his sharp face twisted into a mask of anger.   
Without thinking you dropped your bags, rushing across the street without looking. People yelled at you, one almost knocking you to the ground but you made it to the child's side. 

You picked him up, ignoring the surprised look on his face.   
The shop owner took a step back, his eyes confused.   
"Hello sir. Can I ask why you believe you're entitled to beat a child in broad daylight, like this?" You asked, your arm protectively around the shoulders of the child. 

"He was stealing my necklaces!!" The shop owner burst, jabbing a finger towards the boy. 

"No I wasn't!! I was just looking, honest." The boy said indignantly. 

You looked down at the kid, squeezing his shoulder. "If you took anything, give it back now." He looked back at you, his green eyes quickly filling with tears. He pulled out his pockets, pulled up his shirt to show an empty waistband. He even flopped his sleeves about, his desperation to show his innocence almost comical. 

"I swear it. I just wanted to look at how pretty they were..." He said, and his voice cracked with emotion. Your heart broke for him and you nodded.

You looked back at the store owner, who was standing with his arms crossed and still steaming. He glared at you accusingly.   
"He must have given it to you then. You're both in this together, a scam to cheat honest people out of their goods!!" He screeched, his finger now jabbing towards you as he stepped forward.   
You laughed, raising your chin and looking down your nose at him. You knew this drove snotty men mad. "Well sir, if I were to steal it would be something of worth." You said, giving a pointed look to his goods. He let out a choked sound of anger. It wasn't that it was ugly jewelry, you just wanted to take this man down a peg. The audacity to raise your hand on a child like that...   
"How dare you? Who do you think you are? Some common bitch who thinks she's all that? Somebody should teach you a lesson." His voice was even more shrill and he took another step closer, his hand stretching out to grab you.

Before you could respond with digging your grave deeper, a figure appeared by your side. You started, caught off guard. When you realised it was Lee, your heart didn't know whether to drop or soar. He met the shop owner's eyes with an impassive but threatening stare. "I hope you weren't thinking of touching her." His voice was low, and toxic. Heavy with threat.   
The man stood a moment and then huffed loudly, turning on his heel and marching back into the store. 

You grabbed the little boy's shoulders, giving them a squeeze. "Run along now, and be careful " he stared up at you in awe, then at Lee before squeaking out a "thank you!!", A quick bow, and barreling down the street at full speed. You watched him with a smile before turning to Lee, your mouth open to thank him. But he was gone. You looked around desperately and saw him standing a few metres down, picking up two crates of tea leaves. You rushed over, desperate to catch him before he disappeared into the stream of people. 

"Lee! Lee, I... thank you." His back was towards you, and his posture seemed tense. "It seems like that's all I've said to you since we've met. You always seem to find me in the worst situations." 

Lee reeled around, his eyes blazing. "Because you seek them out. Do you have any self preservation?" He said, his voice loud. You stared at him, at a loss for words. " You run across the street like no one exists, almost getting hit by a carriage, I nearly knocked you over. And then you antagonize someone who was already mad. Do you want to get hurt, huh?" All you could do was shake your head dumbly. Now you could see why people shirked from him. 

"Maybe next time I'll let them hit you, maybe then you'll learn your lesson." He said and you could see his eyes grow shocked at his own words. He sputtered. "I didn't me-"   
You shook your head fiercely. "No. Go ahead. I'm not your responsibility. I didn't ask for your help." You bit your lower lip, trying to quell your anger and the tears that pricked at your eyes. "I'm sorry to burden you so. I'm just not the type of person to look away." You met his eyes again. "And I thought you were the same." 

He opened his mouth, now his turn to be at a loss for words. But before he could speak you broke away, rushing across the crowded street again, more successfully than the last time. You walked back to your fallen groceries, dropping them back into your cloth bags. Where was your... Oh. Your book. It had fallen into the muck, it's beautiful cover dirtied and it's pages soaked. You bit your lower lip, taking a shuddering breath. There goes your omen. You glanced across the street. Lee was still standing there, watching you. His jasper yellow eyes seemed to be apologetic but you didn't want to see that right now. Grabbing what you could salvage you headed back home fast.   
What a welcome to Ba Sing Se. 

You don't know how you found your apartment but you did. You threw the bags to floor and sat down hard, your back pressed to the wall. Your tears wouldn't stop coming, and you pressed the heels of your hand against your eyes. Idiot, stupid girl. To embarrass yourself like that, and he was right. You put yourself in harm's way easily. You stumbled to the basin, splashing your face again and staring at your reflection. Your eyes were reddened, hair a mess. The child's face bubbled to the surface of your self hatred, the look of awe in his eyes that someone had stepped in. It made a smile play on your lips and you shook your head, rubbing your eyes again. 

You always hoped as a child someone would step in for you.   
A flash back of the pregnant woman's face as she clung to your side, sobbing her pain into your shoulder.   
That someone would step in for your mother.

Even if it meant you getting hurt, you knew it wouldn't stop you. Inhaling through your nose, exhaling through your mouth you tighten your resolve. But Lee's anger had shaken you. You collapsed on your futon, hugging your knees to your chest. You had to visit the tea shop again, you didn't like that you hadn't paid for your last drink and was planning on leave a secret and generous tip. But the thought of seeing the scarred youth made your chest tighten. He must think you an absolute idiot.   
Maybe that was for the best he resent you. It was better than getting close. You lifted up a hand, snapping your fingers and watching the flames spark from them. They danced and flickered until you let your hand drop. It still gave you a thrill every time you conjured the warmth that made your family resent you. 

Yes. It was better to be alone. 

\- -----------   
As y/n stalked away Zuko tried to unclench his heart. He didn't know what possessed him to speak to her like that. When she had rushed past him in the street he was caught off guard. He thought he was hallucinating for a moment. Her eyes wide with concern, the flash of her black hair. The moment seemed to move in slow motion. He had stumbled to the side of the street, watching her narrowly avoid a carriage and then skid to a stop at a young boy. He watched the exchange with growing worry and anger, and stepped in the moment he decided she was in danger. 

Her face came back to mind and he winced. It seemed like he had ended up hurting her anyway. His uncle was right about his temper. The rage, burning at the thought of y/n getting hurt, disappeared when she had looked at him. Eyes full of reproach, and her mouth set in a hard line. 

Zuko looked at the muddy book she had left on the ground. He crossed swiftly, scooping it up from the mud. A book of fairy tales, ruined in y/n's haste to help a child. Something about that fit what Zuko thought of her. 

He wiped the excess mud off and shoved it into his bag.   
Grabbing the crates he set off back to the tea house, his mind stormy. He needed to apologise. He was insensitive, ill-tempered, but he wasn't going to let her hurt stay like that. He knew she was right. He would have stepped in too. He didn't like to look away. 

After dropping the crates for his uncle he disappeared, much to Iroh's annoyance. The old man had little difficulty handling the shop though, and Zuko had something to find.   
He returned to their apartment late in the evening. 

"I was about to send a search party for you!" Iroh scolded, lifting himself from the table. "close the curtains, I'll have to reheat your dinner. Where did you run off to?" 

Zuko pulled the drapes closed as Iroh held a bowl between his hands, heating the rice inside. "I had an errand." Zuko said, cleaning his hands before sitting at the table. He took two books out of his bag, the destroyed one and a new copy. His fingers traced the cherry blossom engravings. It had been a pain to find. He had gone to parts of the city he had never been in, maybe about 8 different book stores and stalls. But finally he found it. He hoped it worked. Iroh placed the bowl in front of him, looking at the books with interest. 

"I never figured you one for fairytales, nephew. Even as a child you had bigger interests." 

"It's not for me." Zuko snapped, and Iroh raised his hands, smiling as he took his seat. 

"Then for who?" 

"y/n." Zuko said, looking away. His guilt had grown the whole day, gnawing at his heart. He kept replaying the interaction in his mind. Her soft smile as she thanked him, sliding away to shock as he lashed out at her. 

Iroh clapped his hands together, his eyes shining. "ah! A token of your affection, is it?" 

"Wha-? No!! It's an... Apology. I ran into her today and..." Zuko trailed off, and Iroh groaned. 

"Second time speaking to her and you already insulted her, you're quick." The old man shook his head, and Zuko bristled.   
"I didn't mean to!" He shouted, slamming his hand on the table. The bowl shuddered, threatening to spill the rice and precariously perched fish. Iroh simply raised his eyebrows, sipping a cup of tea he had seemingly pulled from thin air. There was that temper again. 

Zuko took a deep breath, his eyes locked to the book in front of him. He reached out to touch the smooth leather again. "She got into a fight. This man was about to hit her and I got involved." At his uncle's concerned expression Zuko shook his head. "Nothing happened. He backed off when I got close. But I was mad. How does she keep finding herself in those situations? She's going to get hurt." 

"Let me guess. She was helping someone." Iroh said, a smile in his eyes. 

"Yes." Zuko admitted. 

"She reminds me of you." Iroh replied. Zuko scoffed, shaking his head. "She does. Ready to jump to the defense of whomever they see. How do your actions differ?" 

Zuko sighed. "They don't. I know. I know I'm in the wrong. That's why I want to apologise. She dropped this." He said gesturing at the ruined copy. "And I spent all day finding a new one. When she's in the shop I'm going to give it to her." 

"Like that you're not! Your gift giving etiquette needs work nephew. Let me make it look nice." He quickly made his way to the chest they had sat in the corner. After sifting through it for a bit, he pulled out a silk scarf. It was a deep black, with emerald trees creating a backdrop for flying cranes and a lake that shimmered as the fabric moved. Iroh placed the book in the centre of the scarf and expertly wrapped it, tying a beautiful knot. "There, now that's an apology gift." Iroh gave Zuko a firm pat on the shoulder before heading to his futon. He laid down, sighing happily. 

After a few moments of silence, Iroh broke it. "I do hope she returns." 

Zuko stiffened. That hadn't occured to him. 

The next few days passed without sight of her. Zuko worked the front more often, and Iroh allowed it despite his nephews fiery disposition leading to less than perfect customer service. He could see how his Zuko's eyes shot towards the front every time someone entered. 

It had been almost a week since Zuko had last seen y/n. The book sat beneath the counter, the pattern catching his eye every so often and reminding him. He had started to come to terms with her not coming back. It was understandable, he wouldn't. He was in the back, doing the actual inventory that Iroh had neglected. Iroh burst in, throwing the curtain to the side and grabbing Zuko by his collar. 

"Uncle!?" Zuko yelped as Iroh pushed him towards the front.   
"She's here!! Y/n is here. She wants the oolong, go give it to her." Iroh hissed, pushing his nephew through the curtain. The tea house was busy, a hum of conversation interspersed with the clink of ceramic and pour of water. His eyes combed the tables, finally landing on her. Sitting in the same place she was the last time. The light from the window played on her skin, and made Zuko flush. She had her chin rested on her hand, staring off into the distance. She must have felt his eyes on her because she turned. Zuko caught his breath. She looked at him, holding his gaze for a second before looking away again. No smile, no acknowledgement. Zuko sighed. What had he expected?   
He prepared her tea, taking extra care. On the tray he placed the cup, pot and finally the wrapped book. Zuko walked across the floor, his eyes locked onto her. He reached her table and placed the tray down, and then straightened. From this angle the sun did her even better. Her hair was half up, a braided bun cut through with a emerald pin. The rest fell to her waist. She refused to look at him, still staring off at the distance and Zuko noticed how the deep green of the jewel in her hair matched her eyes. 

"I'm here to see your Uncle. I didn't want to spit on his kindness." She said finally, her voice flat. 

Zuko rubbed his knuckles and nodded. "I understand." The rest of his words fell back into his throat, and he found himself at a lose. 

He opened his mouth again and she looked up at him, pinning him with her gaze.

"Hey, can we get another pot over here?" Zuko held a finger up in the direction of the voice. leaning down to y/n.

"HEY! I'm talking to you!" A patron shouted across the room and Zuko's face twisted. He breathed in deeply. 

"I'll be right back. Don't move. Enjoy your... Tea." He said, stomping to the other table to snatch their empty pot. He glared at the old woman who crossed her arms, returning the attitude. He stomped back to the counter, grumbling under his breath. When he looked back at y/n she had already undone the knot, and was staring at the book with a look shock. 

"Uncle, I'm going on break." Zuko called out, whipping off his apron and tossing it at the emerging Iroh. Iroh gasped in fear, caught off guard by the flying fabric.

Zuko sped walked back to the table, watching as y/n's eyes filled with tears. Oh no. What had he done? 

He stood beside her again, his hands useless at his sides as she stared down at the novel. 

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." Zuko blurted out. She didn't respond, and he continued. "I never should have spoken to you like that. You don't have to forgive me, and I can make excuses. But you did what was right. I had no reason to yell at you like that." He paused for a moment. "I saw you leave that book behind... It was wrecked so I um. Thought I could get you a new one. As a token of my aff- apology." He finished, his voice soft. 

She remained still and Zuko felt crestfallen. He bowed deeply before turning around and retreating to the back room. He let out a huff of anger and kicked at a bag of rice. He knew he shouldn't *need* her forgiveness but until now... He hadn't realised how much he wanted it. 

A sound at the doorway made him jump, and he whipped around to see her, y/n, pulling back the curtain and stepping in.   
"Lee... Thank you." She was wiping a tear from her eye and had the book clutched to her chest. She had a wide smile on her face and Zuko could feel himself grow warm. "I'm sorry, I hope you don't think I was being rude I was just... Caught off guard. This was so kind of you." She said, looking down at the book with shining eyes. "and the scarf you tied it in, it's so gorgeous."   
Zuko rubbed the back of his head, blushing slightly. "That part was my uncle's idea. But... I'm glad you like it." He said. She nodded rapidly, breathing in. 

"I love it. That was the second time I had a copy of this book destroyed." She said, her voice small. Zuko noticed her eyes seemed far away. She shook her head and pulled herself back, shooting him a bright grin. He gave her a questioning look.   
"My grandparents didn't approve of reading for pleasure. They weren't the kindest" She explained sheepishly and Zuko nodded.   
"Family can suck." He said. She laughed at that. 

"You're eloquent. You and Mushi are lucky to have each other." She looked down at the book again, tracing the embossing. Zuko noticed she ran her fingers across it the same way he had and the thought comforted him. 

"Uncle likes you. You should come back her more often, he was waiting for you." Zuko said, turning to aimlessly rearrange a shelf so she couldn't see his face. Her melodic laugh made him smile. 

"I will. I promise." She stepped closer and when Zuko turned around they were face to face. Her eyes shone at they stared up into his. She moved so her lips were by his ear. He could feel the heat of her cheek, hovering next to his. 

"I forgive you." She whispered softly. Y/n turned away and walked out of the store room, leaving Zuko pressed against the shelf, his face as bright as a rose. After a few still moment he gave a triumphant punch, startling Iroh who had peeked his head through the curtain. 

"M-my! I'm guessing it went down well." He said with a grin and Zuko nodded. "Good. Now your break is over, get back to work." He laughed, tossing Zuko's apron at his head. He retied it, the warmth in his chest comforting. A part of him begged to pull back and calm down but... Zuko could have this for today. At least for today.


	3. A Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko finds himself on an eventful date, that reveals secrets and heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: there is death and violence in this chapter.

In your dreams you are still on the island. 

The greenery holds you tightly. The trees bend down to meet you, and the vines slide up your calves, the flowers opening lazily to greet you.  
You are walking the path from the temple to the village. The sun shines and the mocking crow sings for you. Guī has never been so pretty. How lucky you were to be here. The joy rises in your throat and you pick up speed, eager to see your people. You bound into the streets, laughing as the flora follows you. 

But the doors are closed. They can hardly be called doors at all. Impassive walls of stone, movable only by bending.In your dreams it is not an obstacle for you. The people of Guī hold their Earth bending in high regard, life is impossible with out it here. 

You step to your grandparents house. It is the largest, beautifully made with a gingko tree out front. You take a firm stance and stomp your foot, eager to see their smiling faces on the other side. You can picture them perfectly. These deep Guī green eyes, set against nut brown skin. They'll open their arms and scoop you up. They'll welcome you home. 

But you forget you don't look like them. But you don't look like the enemy either, do you child? 

And so the wall does not move.

You stomp again. 

Even your dreams deny you your birth right. There is no place in this town for one who can't move Earth. 

The trees whisper "It's her father's sin." And the flowers sigh "Her mother's betrayal".

You look over your shoulder in horror, watching as the vines over take the low houses, crawling towards you faster and faster. 

Behind them rises a column of smoke, from where the temple should be. In it you can see your mother dancing. 

The foliage parts, and you see your faceless father stalk down the path. He wears the armor of the enemy. His hands are ablaze. You notice your own are too. You notice the village is aflame now. 

From behind you your grandfather whispers, as soft as a cat's paw. 

"There is no place for you here."

You try to scream. It sounds like bird song. 

You awaken now, actually. Your screams are real this time and you slap a hand over your mouth. You don't want your neighbours to complain again. 

Guī is a years journey away, and the images of your parents are fading fast. But your racing heart finds no comfort in that. It's early, you judge by the softness of the sky. The light teeters through your window and you reach your hand out, agitating the dust mites that gather in its rays. 

You didn't even need to man the stall today. Your first day off since you started a few weeks ago. It took a bit of convincing to get the book stall's owner, a stubborn man named Zhang, to take you on. But your earnest interest in anything you could read soon had him trusting you. Too bad he took advantage of that eagerness, you showed your hand too soon. He worked you to the bone. He paid handsomely though, more than he should. 

You stood up, pushing the sleep from your body as you stretched long and hard. Might as well get up. You didn't want to disappear into another nightmare. 

With a cautious glance out the window, you set a fire in your hearth with your hands. The thrill stroked down your spine and you shivered. You practiced your bending in small ways. Though it wasn't outrightly outlawed in these walls, you knew the Dai Li would have quick words. 

It's not like you were used to bending openly anyway. 

Your fingers brushed against the spines of the two dozen or so books you had accumulated, not counting the scrolls leaned in the corner. You had to control yourself before you start spending your whole pay cheque at your own stall. You picked the top most book up again, curling back up on your futon with your tea beside you. Your fingers ran over the cherry blossoms before you groaned and threw yourself back, holding the book above you.

His gold eyes cut through you whenever you saw him. The last time he even smiled at you when you walked through the door. He always made sure he was the one to serve you, rushing past Iroh or even the tea house's owner. 

You flicked the side of your head. "Stop that. You should know better."

You disappeared into the book, swallowing the stories whole. Bamboo and the Turtle, the Great Race, Lu-San, Fox-Fire. You wished you had stories like this as a child. They would have given you reprieve. As much as you try to throw yourself into the book your memories keep pulling you back.

How were your grandparents doing, you thought. Was grandmother remembering to drink her bark tea, or was she letting her arthritis own her life again? You don't know why you cared. But you did. You put the book down and rested your hands over your eyes. 

You wonder if your mother liked to read. The thought makes you press your hands even harder against your face. She was a priestess, when would she ever have the time to read? 

You roll onto your side and stroke the cover of the book again. But maybe she did. Maybe she read to you before she left. You couldn't remember. But it comforted you to think you were like her. 

Or maybe it was your father. Though he never had the chance to leave you. Gone before you were a murmur in your mother's stomach. He went back with the Fire Prince Ozai after the temple burned, medals of valor awaiting for his work in Szeto. Now that Ozai was king, did he raise your father to glory too? 

He left her with you, and left you with this curse. Your stretch your hand out and the flame leaps easily to your fingers. Sadness envelopes you and you let your hand drop, almost setting Lee's gift aflame. You gasp and jump back, cradling your hand. 

What a cruel metaphor you think to yourself and hold back a laugh. But it was true. You were getting close to the Earth Kingdom boy. You had figured the scar on his face was from a fire bender, who else could have caused that? Your heart hurt at the thought. He would think you a monster if he knew, a traitor. 

Enough wallowing. You forced yourself up, downing the now cold tea beside you. You winced at the taste. You had yet to perfect the art. Maybe you'd visit the tea house today, that always brightened your mood. You dressed quickly, wanting to get there before the morning rush. You liked it when Mushi was able to sit and talk. The old man was wise and you could get lost in his wisdom for hours. 

Soon you were at the door. The tea house had just opened, and you seemed to be the first patron. 

"y/n!" Mushi bellowed, causing Lee to jump, almost spilling the pot of tea he was taking off the stove. Mushi strode to you, taking your hands in his as a smile split his face. "It is said to be very lucky to have a dark haired beauty be the first to cross your threshold, thank you for that!" He said, his eyes twinkling. You laughed as you took your seat. Within seconds Lee had your tea on the table. You didn't even need to ask anymore. 

"Thank you Lee. It's good to see you." You said, smiling up at the youth. To your surprise he smiled back. It was small, and felt like a secret. You blossomed under it and had to pull yourself away before you started acting like an idiot. 

Soon you and Mushi were deep in conversation. You don't notice the way Lee stared openly at you while you were distracted. As though he was committing your face to memory. He didn't come to sit, prefering to lean against the counter, uselessly wiping a rag across the same surface. 

The conversation veersed towards bending and you felt a cold touch on the back of your neck, warning you to tread carefully. 

"So... I've heard Guī is renowned for its Earth bending prodigies. They say everyone born there is blessed by the lion turtle." Iroh said, his tone non chalant but you could detect the interest underlying it. 

You felt shame creep up your spine but brought yourself to answer. "Yes. Well... Most of us are born Earth benders. The entire island is built around it. So life as a non bender is hard." You answer, trying to keep the sadness from your voice. Mushi's eyes grew soft with understanding and he nods, patting your hand. You smiled at the comfort, trying to hush the disquiet in your heart that bristled at lying to this kind old man. 

"Funny enough... The occupation-" your voice drops low at this, knowing talk of the war is dangerous. "Has made it easier for people like me. But my grandparents didn't like that. They were very... Traditional. Pushed my mom to the temple and all that. They were disappointed they couldn't do the same with me. I was more or less disposable after that ." Iroh gripped your fingers and you could see the emotion in his eyes. 

"It seems the most beautiful flowers grow on the edge of the most precarious of cliffs. I am glad you are in Ba Sing Se, child. I hope you find peace here." The ferocity of emotion in his words caught you off guard. You couldn't think of the last time someone spoke so kindly to you. 

"Thank you, Uncle. I am happy to be here." You felt ungrateful, and unworthy. A deceitful creature. 

The sound of people entering broke you out of the moment. It was a group of youths, all dressed lavishly. The girls had full faces of make up, and their hair glittered with adornments. Their dresses were tied tightly, and their partners were dressed in similar splendor. 

Mushi gave your hand a final pat and stood up, greeting the customers with his booming joyous voice. 

"It seems like our little shop is attracting Ba Sing Se's finest today! May I ask what occasion has inspired this?" He asked, sweeping along the table as he placed cups. 

"The festival! Celebrations start midday, we thought to grab some tea beforehand. We need energy, it goes on till very late usually." One of the men replied. 

Your hands tightened around the cup in front of you. A festival. It was weird to think of a festival during war time. It was weird to think of a festival at all. Szeto's used to have festivals... But they had stopped before you were born. 

You bit your lower lip. If you had nothing else to do the rest of the day... Maybe some activities in the spirit would be a fun reprieve. Isn't that what people came to the big city for? You pulled out a book of poetry from your bag, settling into your seat to enjoy it. That could wait for after your tea. You stroked through the pages of the old book, pouring over the poetry like it was written just for you. 

As you sat enraptured a figure approached your table. Thinking it was Lee, you looked up with a smile and were instead greeted by unfamiliar pale green eyes. 

"Are those poems by Khandro Bhujel?" The young man asked, gesturing to the book in your hands. You stammered out an affirmative, and his eyes lit up. "I adore her work. Does this have 'Peony's Grace' in it?" He sat himself in the chair across from you, spreading his arms as he delivered a dramatic telling. "Dew drops grace petals. She blossoms under the gold. Allow her growth, child."t He shook his head, grinning from ear to ear. "Absolutely stays with you." 

You were catught off guard by him, but you returned his smile all the same. "I just finished reading that one actually, it's beautiful." 

He was dressed in finery, and handsome in ways the rich are allowed to be. But his expression was genuine enough. He leaned forward, commanding your attention. You could feel the stares of his friends from behind him, but you kept your gaze locked onto his face. 

"Do you have a favourite poem of hers?" He asked. 

You considered the question for a moment. "Mountain's Ode to Lake." 

He raisesd his eyebrows. "I... I actually haven't read that one. You got me there." He laughed charmingly and you laughed with him. "I'll have to find that one, I suspect I'll enjoy it. You seem to have good taste." 

This made you blush slightly. You were unused to this kind of attention. It was forthright and hyper. But flattering. 

"Will you be attending the festivities? I would love for you to join my friends and I. The more the merrier, right?" He asked. His hands were on the table, dangerously close to yours. 

Your eyes slide to Lee, still behind the counter. His back was to you and his posture unreadable. 

"I'm... Unsure I'm attending." You answered. fiddling with the edge of a paper. You tore it slightly and swore to yourself. 

The boy looked at you long and hard before nodding. "Well... If you do, you can meet me at the fountain in Fong district at 4 pm. Perhaps I can give you my opinion on "Mountain's Ode to Lake" by then." He stood up, his friends having settled their bills and made their ways out the door. "I really do hope to see you then." He said, giving a formal bow before leaving. You stared at the door after he was gone before returning to your book. You hadn't gotten through a stanza before there was a loud shattering sound from the back room, and a distinctly Lee swear. Mushi's head snapped towards it but you had already gotten up. You touched his shoulder as you passed, assuring him you'd take care of it. 

In the storeroom Lee was bleeding. You gasped, rushing over to his side but he held out his unscathed hand. "Careful, there's shards on the ground." You picked your way over carefully, taking his hand in yours. 

"Oh Lee, this is deep. Come, let's wash it out." Guiding him to the basin, you filled it with water from a nearby bucket. He resisted, ensuring you he could do it himself but a sharp look silenced him. You touched him delicately, and were hyper aware of how close you stood. You could feel scars, new and old on his skin. He took his hand from the water and you held it between your bodies. You looked up at him and he was gazing at you, the gold biting into your soul. You dropped your eyes and felt him look away too. 

You saw a bolt of cloth in the corner, beside two crates. "Can I use this to bandage it?" You asked, maneuvering him over to the corner. He nodded, and you ripped a strip off. He sat back on one of the crates and you stood in front of him, beginning to wrap his hand. His skin was so warm. His hand was large as well, dwarfing yours. Slender fingers,and you wonder what it would feel like to entwine yours with them. This made you blush and you finished quickly, knotting it tightly before taking a seat on the second crate beside him. He flex his fingers and sighed. 

"So, what happened?" You asked, trying to coax him into talking more. He was even more quiet than what you had grown accustomed to. 

Lee looked off to the side, his expression troubled. "I was holding a cup and it broke." You sputtered a laugh and then clapped a hand over your mouth as he shot you a glare

"Just broke? Like that?" you asked, your tone light. 

"Maybe I was holding it too hard." He admitted, running his other hand through his hair. You ignored how good it made him look. He caught your eye and soon you were locked again. This time he broke it, staring quietly at the bandaged hand. You stood up, fetching a broom and beginning to sweep up the mess. Lee jumped up, snatching it away from you.

"No, you're not cleaning up my mess." He said sternly and you raised your hands. 

You stood with your arms crossed, watching as he furiously swept, his brow furrowed. Something was bothering him. 

With his back to you he finally spoke again.  
"What did that guy ask you? The one with the poetry." He asked. His tone was guarded.  
"Oh, he asked me to join his friends at the festival."  
You could see Lee's grip on the broom tighten.  
He quickly swept the broken cup into the trash, moving to leave. 

"But I don't think I'm going to go" you interjected before he could leave. Lee stopped, a hand on the curtain. He turned to look at you and you thought you could read relief in his eyes.

"Why not?" He asked. 

You fiddled with the skin next to your nails, your teeth grazing your lower lip. "I don't know him. And I'd rather go with someone I know." You looked at Lee and he stared back, his face impassive. "Someone I'm comfortable with. I've never gone to a festival before, I need someone whose got my back in case I find trouble." You say, smirking slightly as you looked away. 

When you look up the curtain was settling back into place and he was gone. Your jaw dropped. Had you misread his looks? He couldn't even just say no? Did he even realise your intention? Your mind swirled with questions and indignation. You stomped out of the store room, almost running into Mushi who was preparing another tray. The tea house was busier now, and Lee was serving a table in the corner. His shoulders were slumped, confusing you even further. 

Mushi looked at you inquisitively. You sighed, moving past him. 

"Uncle, why is your nephew so confusing?" You asked, eliciting a chuckle from the old man. Before he could inquire further you took your leave, gathering your things and moving out the door.

You throw a last glance over your shoulder and see Lee standing there, staring at you. You pause, waiting to see if he'll say anything. But he remains quiet. 

You leave, feeling rejected. Maybe the Fong district fountain would be in your plans tonight. It's not like you had anything better to do. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
Iroh passed by Zuko as he returned to the counter to ready another order. 

"How is your hand?" He asked. Zuko looked away, stomping instead of walking now. "Fine. It's fine. y/n helped me bandage it." 

The feel of her hands was still hot on his skin. They had stood so close. He had wondered if she could hear the pounding of his heart, and how it skipped a beat when she looked up at him. Those eyes... Those eyes. Zuko steadied his breath. He remembered way they looked at that snob. This didn't help him steady his breath. 

He stood there, at a loss as the man spoke poetry to her. As he made her laugh, made her shine. Zuko slammed a tray down harder than he intended, scaring the patrons. Iroh squeezed his shoulder. 

"You prepare the orders, let me handle the customer interaction for now." 

Zuko was grateful for that. He busied himself behind the counter, knitted brows and fire in the pit of his stomach.

Iroh returned, passing an empty pot to him. "What has you so bothered? Is it your hand?" Zuko knew his uncle was aware it was something else. 

"That guy who asked y/n to the festival" Zuko started and Iroh raised his eyebrows. Zuko ignored it, turning to stroke the fire. "I thought she would go with him. But she said she didn't want to and I thought..." He trailed off. He thought he would ask her. "but she said she wanted to go with someone she knew. Someone she was comfortable with. So I couldn't." 

Iroh groaned loudly and slapped a tray against his forehead. Zuko reeled around. 

"What!? What did you do that for?" He exclaimed, grabbing the tray from Iroh and setting it down.  
"She meant you, nephew. She meant. You." Iroh leaned over the counter, grasping him by the shoulders. 

Zuko's eyes widened as it clicked. "Oh no..." She was asking him. And he had just walked away. Why did he insist on fucking up with her? 

Iroh sighed, dropping his hands. "I won't tell you what to do. I know you don't want me stepping into your business." Iroh leaned closer. 

"But it concerns me. You don't know how to be... How to be anything other than what they made you out there. This isn't the first time you've missed something that someone as perceptive as you shouldn't. But it's because you don't know." Iroh's hands disappeared into his sleeves.

The words made Zuko's anger flare but he knew He knew that his uncle was correct. It had been months since he had seen the Avatar, months since he had any inkling of where the boy could be. But it still consumed him. It was an itch under his skin. Worse than that, it was his destiny. He knew no matter how long he played house here, his true calling was out there. 

"Can you blame me uncle?" Zuko hissed quietly, moving further away from the customers. 

"No. I can never blame you for what they've done to. But... You deserve a chance at a youth. You deserve a chance at friends. I don't expect you to fall into these things easily. But your honour won't be diminished by a few nights of fun. You are not any less strong." 

Zuko leaned against the counter top, holding himself upright. The night with Jin flashed before his eyes, and the small happiness it had given him. He had stomped out that happiness before it could burn into him. He had thought he couldn't afford that. But y/n. The look she had given him before she disappeared through the door made more sense. The warmth that she gave him was deeper. Would he be able to stomp out that one? 

Iroh turned to attend the customers. " I think she deserves some happiness too." 

Zuko sighed.  
"Okay."  
Iroh spun around, his face bright."Okay!?"

Zuko smirked at the old man's genuine joy. "Yes. Okay. But you're not allowed to touch my hair." Iroh made a face that Zuko pretended not to seem 

Zuko hesitated. "But how am I going to find her?" She would be long gone by now, and he had no idea of where she lived. 

Iroh picked up a pot, sweeping over to a table. "4 pm. Fountain in Fong district." Zuko cocked an eyebrow. Iroh beamed innocently. "Not much is said in this shop without me hearing! That's where the boy told y/n to meet him. Perhaps if you're lucky..." He let the rest hang unsaid and Zuko squared his shoulders. He hoped that he wouldn't make an idiot of himself. 

Hours later Zuko was standing infront of the mirror in his apartment. Uncle had bought a new set of robes, a richly green tunic and slim fitting pants . The vest over top was deep black silk with gold and green embellishments. Iroh refused to tell him what it cost. 

With a pang Zuko realised it reminded him of parties in the Fire Nation court. He missed the heavy brocade between his fingers, clinging to his mother's skirts while she quietly charmed the people around her. He wore his finery with pride, often turning his nose over the fact he had to match with his sister. He pushed the thoughts from his mind with an exhale of breath. He fidgeted with the fresh bandages on his hand. The bleeding had stopped, but he was ashamed of letting his anger best him enough to physically harm.

Iroh approached him from behind, his eyes soft as he put a hand on Zuko's shoulder. His voice was thick with emotion. "Zuko... Are you sure I can't fix your hair?" 

Zuko pushed his hand away quickly, ready to deflect any further manipulation but his uncle just smiled. It was a smile that held sadness, and he could tell Iroh wanted to say more. But for maybe the first time in his life the old man chose silence. It hit heavier than anything he could have said. Even if the rest of the night went horribly, Zuko was happy to bring that comfort to the man who had stood by him through so much.

Zuko left, closing the door behind him. Iroh stood in the empty apartment, looking into another world. In it he was brushing the lint off of his son's shoulder and smoothing his hair. His wife chides him. Iroh fusses even more than she does. Lu Ten gives an easy smile and assures his father that he doesn't mind. 

Iroh placed a hand over his heart, clutching at the fabric as his eyes closed. A painful memory, but one that felt good to bear. 

He hoped Zuko enjoyed his night. He hoped Zuko had many nights ahead of him to enjoy. The boy deserved it. 

Zuko wasn't as early as he had hoped, stumbling into the square that held the fountain only 5 minutes to when y/n was supposed to arrive. His eyes scoured the groups of youths scattered around the cobblestone. He sat on the edge of the fountain's ornate ridges, his hands gripping his knees, knees bouncing. He couldn't see the one who had approached y/n earlier, and that made him even more nervous. Had they already met? Was he too late? He got up with aggression, pacing in front of the fountain. It was stupid of him to come. She wouldn't know to look for him, and would she even want to see him? He turned around, desperate to find an exit. He couldn't be around all these people right now. 

But then, there she was. Stepping out of an alleyway and stealing the light from the sun. Her forest green skirt almost brushed the stone, and was embroidered with cream flowers that ran up the sides. The over robe was an even darker green, held tight by a gold sash that hugged her waist flatteringly. The colour made her eyes vibrant. Her hair was gathered in the low bun, but the a few locks around her face remained, framing her soft brown cheeks. As she walked closer he noticed the emerald pin, her only adornment. Zuko's breath died in his throat. 

Her eyes scanned the crowd and when they landed on him he felt electricity. He walked forward in a trance, and had almost made it to her when somebody interrupted his path. With a sinking feeling Zuko realized it was the youth from before. His heart pounded in his ears, he couldn't even hear what the man was saying to her. But she was looking back at him, and he had a flower in his hand. She opened her mouth and Zuko pulled himself together enough to listen to her. 

"Thank you, but I actually have plans with my friend. I hope you enjoy your night though." The boy sputtered as she moved past him. 

She was standing in front of Zuko before he realised, and he had to stop himself from reaching out and touching her. She smiled softly. She had stained her lips slightly, giving them a soft reddish hue. He wondered if it would rub off on his thumb if he stroked it. 

"Lee..." Zuko wished more than anything he could hear his real name from her mouth. "I'm surprised to see you here. You look." She exhaled. "Fantastic. So regal. Like a prince." It was one of the worst comparisons, but Zuko was elated by her praise. 

"You don't look real." He blurted out and she laughed, offering her arm. The skin on the inside of her wrist was so delicate and thin, Zuko felt as though he could trace her veins. 

"You can pinch me, if you want to make sure I am." She said, her tone teasing. Zuko shook his head, returning her smile with an ease he didn't know he had. He cleared his throat, feeling sheepish. 

"I wanted to apologise, for earlier. I didn't realise you meant me." He apologised. "I'm... An idiot, y/n. I don't talk to people often, let alone like this. I'm bad. At understanding things. But please don't take it badly. I... Like spending time with you." His words came out a quick mumble, and he hoped she heard him. There was no way he was going to be able to repeat that. Zuko could tell she was caught off guard. He hadn't talked this much in front of her, ever. 

"I understand. It's hard making friends. If I'm being honest... You're the first person my age I've talked to in years. This is new to me too." She replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked cheerless for a moment, but raised her eyes to him and beamed. "But we can learn together, right?" There was hope in her voice. 

Zuko reached out and took her hand. Her skin was soft, and he was hyper aware of how calloused his must be. But she interlaced her fingers with his and he was okay. More than okay. "We can learn together." He agreed. 

y/n looked down at their hands, squeezing softly. "Would you like to go see the play?" She asked and Zuko nodded. They set off together, and Zuko was determined to make this day good for her. 

They sat close together on the earth bending created benches that lined the makeshift theatre. Her warmth distracted him from the officer and jester bickering on stage. At one point she laughed louder than she intended, and covered her mouth with her hand as she blushed. This made Zuko smile widely. He wanted so badly to slide an arm around her shoulders or waist, like the couples that surrounded them. But when she looked over at him, her eyes twinkling like gems, he grew shy. 

After the play they found a concert in park. They stood listening to the beautiful melodies that the woman on the banhu coaxed from the instrument. She sounded beautiful, and y/n swayed with the sound. Her movements bumped her shoulder into Zuko's every so often and he relished each time. 

They watched street performers make unnatural shapes with their bodies, walk on their hands (for a heart stopping second he thought one of them was Ty Lee). They walked along a promenade lined with intricate statues made from Earth Bending. They explored every activity they could. 

Soon the sun was setting, the lamp tenders lighting the torches that lined the streets. They walked through the night market together, and y/n held onto Zuko's arm. Zuko could feel himself walking taller, and tried not to puff his chest out. Y/n chattered amicably, and he found himself smiling at her apt descriptions of the festival goers around them. 

"Are you hungry?" He asked her, dipping his head so he could speak into her ear. He gestured to a bao stall, the steaming white buns looking tempting and warm in the growing cold of the evening.

They approached the stall. "Classic Earth Kingdom Buns here, get your classic Earth Kingdom Buns! Now, with a fiery twist. Delicious Fire Flakes, mixed right into the meat. That'll put some hair on your chest, young sir!" The man pointed a set of Tong's at Zuko's torso and y/n giggled. The man passed them two small boxes, the smells of spice and soft dough mingling together wonderfully. "A perfect union of Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation!" The man shouted over the couple, attempting to attract more people to his stall. But his words sent a shiver down Zuko's spine. He paused for a moment before passing the money and moving away from the stall. Y/n followed him, struggling to keep up as he strode away. 

Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom. What an easy reminder of who this date was actually between. He knew it was only a coincidence, but it was a harsh call to reality. Y/n fell back into step beside him, and when Zuko looked at her she looked upset. Her bottom lip was between her teeth, and she chewed on it. She almost tripped, grabbing at his arm and letting out a soft yelp. 

He let out a laugh, not expecting the noise from her. She turned pink and stuck her tongue back at him, but her hand remained on his arm. He was happy about that part. 

"I'm sorry! I'm not used to wearing skirts this long." She muttered, kicking out the fabric from under her shoes.

"Well let's find somewhere to eat before you lose our food." Zuko teased, and enjoying how she turned even brighter pink. She gave a half smile.  
"Alright. Only because I like your laugh."  
Now it was Zuko's turn to blush. 

Soon they came across a secluded lush public garden, a rarity outside of the upper class neighborhoods. Y/N found an ornate bench, angled towards a small waterful and creek. A willow stroked the water beside them and the fragrance of roses was almost intoxicating. They settled in with their food. 

Y/N sat for a moment, her chopsticks hovering in the air. 

"This reminds me of home." She murmured and Zuko looked at her. She hadn't mentioned her island at all till now. He wouldn't deny that he was curious about it. 

"It must have been beautiful." He said softly. The setting sun bathed her in orange, and Zuko wondered if there was a colour that didn't make her look ethereal.

She nodded, returning to her food. Guess she wasn't going to elaborate. He wouldn't either, he thought. Zuko dug in as well, savouring the kick and crunch of the fire flakes. It was abnormal in the softness of the bao, but enjoyable nonetheless. After a few bites Zuko noticed Y/N clearing her throat, panting slightly. A grin spread across his face. 

"Are you okay? Is it... Spicy?" 

She had lifted her forearm over the lower half of her face, covering the coughs that broke from her throat. She stared daggers at him over top the silk though. "We don't have food like this in Szteo, okay?" She panted lightly, looking away. "It's really, very spicy." 

Zuko raised his eyebrows, taking another bite and chewing it slowly. Y/N rolled her eyes, but he could see the smile in them. 

"Let me go get you a drink, stay here." He smiled, setting down his food.

"Th-thank you." She inhaled sharply, trying to cool her mouth. Zuko bit his tongue, holding in his laugh as he sped away. 

He was returning soon with icy hibiscus tea. Zuko liked how purple the drink was, and figured the florals would combat the spice nicely. As he walked in the direction of where he left Y/N, a stall caught his eye. More specifically, a gold necklace that hung from an ornate wooden tree. It was simple, a gold chain and small circular gold pendant. In it was set an emerald, and it glinted in the light of the torches. It would go perfectly with her pin Zuko thought. 

He approached the stall, his eyes locked on it.  
"Pretty, isn't it?" A voice asked and for a second Zuko was terrified it was the owner that he had intimidated days ago. It was a woman, and Zuko sighed in relief. 

"It is. How much is it?" 

"Two gold." The woman replied, and she watched as his face fell. Two gold coins was a hefty price. Zuko wasn't even sure if he had that on him. 

The jeweler regarded him. "Is it for a girl?" 

Zuko nodded. "She um.. has this hair pin. It looks just the same. I don't think she owns much jewelry outside of that, so when I saw this..." Zuko let the necklace drop from his fingers, moving to turn away. 

"Young lovers discount. Give me some silver and don't tell my husband."  
Zuko's eyes shot to the womans face and she gave him a conspiratorial smile. "Come on now! Unless you think you'll find a better deal elsewhere?"  
Zuko couldn't pull the money out fast enough. He thanked the woman profusely, and she bowed back. 

"Just make sure you come back to me when she wants matching earrings!" The woman called after him, and Zuko smiled. 

He found the secluded garden where she was waiting. He had placed the necklace in his pocket, and was practicing how he would present it to her.  
As he imagined the smile that she would give him, he heard her scream. His heart almost burst from his chest and he ran, dropping the drinks in the grass. 

He followed the sound of the waterfall, and saw the bench, their food sitting undisturbed. Where was she? Where did she go? A scream from the right. Don't fire bend. He thought, jumping over ornamental rocks and through flower beds. Don't fucking firebend.

There. 

Half hidden by the bushes he saw her, and them. Two figures, one with a large blade to y/n's neck. The other holding her tightly, a hand over her mouth. 

"Just give us your fucking money. Stop lying to me. I've gutted people before, and I'd do it again." The figure in front of her hissed, the female voice heavy with threat. 

Zuko cut off her next sentence with a flying kick to the head, knocking the figure down. He grabbed the dagger, enjoying the weight despite the argument of pain from his healing cut. 

As he turned from the figure now unconscious on the ground, y/n bit the hand on her mouth, making the man holding her yell with pain. She took the chance to throw her head back, knocking the man's jaw closed and breaking away. Zuko grabbed her, pushing her behind him. He held the blade out towards the approaching figure. 

"Y/N, run." Zuko said, his voice steely.  
"Are you joking? I'm not leaving you." She objected.  
"I don't want you getting hurt, just go. I can handle this." Zuko pushed her slightly. He wasn't going to kill in front of her. And he knew he needed to rip the fingers from anyone who dared to touch her like that.  
He felt her take a step back, her breathing heavy. Before he could encourage her further the man lunged.  
Zuko ducked low and charged forward, catching the man by the hips and throwing him back, further away from y/n.  
He punched the man squarely in the face, feeling the break of a nose under his knuckles. The man groaned, blinking heavily as he tried to grab at the agile Zuko, who jumped out of reach. He slashed at the man's hand, using the momentum of his movement to spin on the ball of his foot and drive his heel into the man's temple. The man leaned to the side enough to save his life, the blow not landing at its full force. His body still dropped and Zuko moved forward, blade at the ready. 

"You should have listened to her." Zuko growled. He watched as the man's eyes grow wide and then... He smiled.

Many things happened in the span of a few seconds after that smile. 

Zuko reared back and punched him, knocking the man out completely.  
Y/n screamed for him.  
Zuko felt a body behind him, blade to his spine, and noticed the empty spot where the woman's body had lain.  
And finally he heard the unmistakable sound of fire. 

The blade stopped going forward and instead dropped, dragging down his side shallowly.  
Zuko grabbed at the wound, wheeling around to take in the singed body in front of him. 

On the other side of it, y/n was dropping her hands. Her hair was in disarray, the pin at danger of falling. She stared back at him, her chest heaving. Her eyes were filling with tears as Zuko's filled with confusion. "Run." She whispered. 

She was a firebender. She just killed someone. She killed someone with firebending. In Ba Sing Se. She was a FIRE BENDER.

She sobbed, holding onto herself. "Run." She repeated as he stood there. "You can't let the guards catch you with me, I don't want this coming back to you and Mushi." She was hoarse, sinking to her knees. 

Zuko shook his head, and looked around. She was right, but there was no way he was abandoning her. "Please, please go." She insisted, shaking outright now. 

Zuko's eyes alighted on the torches that lined the garden. He strode over, grabbing one of them. Taking a deep breath he drove the flaming torch into the woman's back. 

Y/N let out a choked sob at this, staring at the body in horror.

The fire burnt out quickly with the force of Zuko's weight against the torch, and he placed the handle close to hands of the unconscious man. That was the best he could do. He hoped it would be enough. 

He stalked back to the bench, grabbing their abandoned food and shoving it into his bag to throw out away from here. 

Zuko turned back to y/n, still on her knees in the grass. She was quiet now. He approached her cautiously. 

"She was going to kill you. I knew she was going to kill you." She whispered as Zuko knelt next to her. She was still staring at the body in front of her. 

"Get up. We need to leave." He whispered, his tone firm as he held her by the arm and pulled her upright. She followed obediently, and soon they were out of the garden and walking through the streets. Zuko held her by the waist, keeping her upright. He glanced at her and her face was an impassive mask, the only tell her red eyes. 

"My apartment. This way." She croaked after a few moments of walking, pulling Zuko to a slim brown building. Soon they were in her simple quarters, and y/n was collapsing again. 

Zuko followed her down, hugging her to him. Her body was trembling, her face buried in the crook of his neck. Her hand clutched at the front of his vest, she felt like she was practically vibrating. He tangled his fingers in her hair, squeezing her tightly. 

Zuko knew how this felt. But at least he had prepared for his first kill. His mind slipped back to a nameless water tribe boat his father pointed at, and the orders to take it down. Azula had rushed to do it but Zuko wouldn't let her steal that bit of pride. It was a milestone. One of the rare times his father smiled at him. It wasn't like this. Not anything like this. 

Y/n's arms slid around his neck, and she held him tightly, her breathing still shaky but growing steadier. 

"You did what you had to do. Y/n, look at me." He pulled back enough to stare into her eyes. "she was going to kill me. You are right. You saved me." Her deep green eyes were heavy with tears but she nodded back, moving a hand to his cheek. Her fingertips touched his scar and his heart rate jumped even more. He didn't think that was possible. 

"It'll be okay. I can't tell you how, but it'll be okay."

He murmured, his forehead pressing against hers. Her other hand moved to the other side of his face, and she shivered against him. He was making promises he couldn't keep, but he would say anything if it meant calming her. 

She opened her mouth and Zuko shook his head. He knew she was going to ask him to leave, and he couldn't bare to. He was in this now. 

"I'm not going anywhere. So don't even try."  
She let out a laugh that sounded like a sob. 

Zuko looked around the room, noting the clay brick hearth and tea pot set on a small table beside it. 

"One second" he murmured, removing her arms reluctantly. He kneeled in front of the heart for a moment. Zuko could set it aflame right now with a snap of his fingers. He could show her. He would be involving her in so much, but he could show her. He turned his head slightly, looking at y/n over his shoulder. She had moved to the futon, her knees to her chest and was staring blankly at the floor. It would be so easy. But he couldn't. He reached for the fire starter perched on the mantle and set the fire. His heart felt like a knot. 

He set tea on then moved back to her. He sat beside her, keeping a few inches of space. He wanted to touch her again, but the sick look on her face told him that she may not want the same. She turned away from him when he got close, burying her face in her elbow. 

She said something, her voice muffled. 

"What was that?"

"Do you hate me?" She spat, uncovering her mouth. 

"Why would I hate you? You saved me." Zuko tried to keep the hurt from his voice. 

"I'm a firebender. I lied to you. You and Mushi... You've been nothing but kind to me and I've lied to you." She dropped her knees, staring back at Zuko with bloodshot eyes. "There's no one in this city who hasn't lost something to the fire Nation. You've never told me, but that scar..." She reached out, stroking Zuko's cheek with her thumb. Zuko grabbed her hand, holding it with both of his own as he studied her fingers. How could he tell her who gave it to him? 

"It was from a firebender." He admitted. It wasn't a lie, he justified to himself. 

She nodded, wiping tears from her eyes. "That's what I thought."

"Where are you from then?" Zuko asked. He didn't have any right to know. She should keep her secrets, just like he kept his. But still, he needed to ask. 

Y/N looked away, unable to face him. "I didn't lie about where I was from. I am from Szeto. I am the daughter of an earth bending priestess. My family have been Earth benders for generations, and we're one of the oldest families on the island." 

Zuko sighed, running a hand over his face. "so your father..." 

Y/n nodded, tears spilling over her cheeks.  
"Yep. My father. He came with the first wave of soliders, back when Ozai was just a prince. They say he was a confidant of Ozai's." Zuko flinched as though he had been slapped. It was terrifying to hear his father's name from y/n's lips. But it was as he suspected when he first met her. His family personally ruined hers. 

"They had the temple under siege, half the village in it, and my mother had snuck away one night to collect herbs for the wounded. He found her and instead of capturing her he... He charmed her. They started meeting more often, and soon she showed him a secret passage to the temple, to get passed the huge earth walls they had bended around it. " She faltered, her hands clenching into fists as her voice caught. 

"And in return he took the army in the same way, and burnt the place down. Then he left. And my mother never recovered. She was disgraced, a traitor." She smiled ruefully. "And I was the proof of that. The first one born without earth bending in generations, because I took after my father."  
Zuko touched her shoulder and she wiped away her tears, leaning into his touch. He slid an arm around her and she was against his side, crying outright now. 

"My grandparents were the only ones who knew that I could fire bend, but the rest of the village hated me anyways. And my mother... They never forgave her." She stopped for a moment, catching her breath. Everything was coming out now, she was letting him know her. The real her. "She left when I was still a child. She couldn't take the blame anymore." 

She looked at Zuko, pushing her hair from her face. "So. I didn't lie completely. I just didn't want you to hate me. For being one of them." 

Zuko met her gaze. "And I don't. Mushi won't be either." She didn't look like she believed him. It was so easy for Zuko to just say "because we are too. I'm the crown prince and he nearly took this city for the fire Nation. We are traitors now. My father is horrible too. My mother left me too." But instead he made her a cup of tea. 

She accepted it gratefully, her eyes closing as she relished it. Zuko picked up the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders, and she shook her head. 

"Who knew you were so good at comforting." She said, and her smile made Zuko feel weak. 

"I'm not, I have no clue what I'm doing right now." He admitted, returning the smile easier than he thought.

She stroked the cup with her thumb, looking at her reflection in the liquid. "I'm sorry, for ruining our night. I was enjoying it a lot." 

"Me too." Zuko whispered. The wound on his side stung, reminding him it was still there. He winced, attempting to discreetly put pressure on it but y/n noticed all the same. She gasped, almost dropping her cup. 

"Oh, did she get you? I'm so sorry, here I am sobbing my heart out while you're bleeding. What a fucking baby." 

Zuko placed his hand on her arm as she stood up. " It's barely anything, you got her before she got too deep. It just stings." 

Y/N walked to a wardrobe, and Zuko noticed that her shoulders were steadier, her gait not as fearful.  
She dug around, removing bandages and a small wooden box. She returned to his side with them, kneeling in front of him. 

"I'm sorry you got hurt protecting me. I promised I wouldn't let you save me again but... I swear trouble found me this time." She said, resting her hand over his. 

"You saved me back. We can call it equal." Zuko turned his hand over and held hers. The meeting at the fountain felt like years ago, but her touch felt the same. 

"Let me get a look at your wound. The last thing I want is losing you to an infection after I killed someone for you." 

Was that a joke? Zuko couldn't exactly tell. He undid his vest, throwing it to the side before he slipped off his tunic. His exquisite new clothes were ripped and dirtied now, which bothered him more than he thought. He looked back at y/n and regarded the harsh blush in her cheeks, the inscrutable look on her face. It took him a moment to realise why. He was shirtless, in her room, alone. Oh. 

He scrambled to get his tunic back on. "I can just lift the back, if it makes you-" he said, and she shook her head rapidly. 

"N-no!" She squeaked, before clearing her throat and adopting a manner of professionalism. " It's fine. Just lay down, this won't take long anyway."  
Zuko laid face down on her bedroom, crossing his arms and resting his head on them. 

He tried not to flex, and hoped his physique hadn't gotten too soft since he arrived in ba sing se. He bit his forearm. What was he thinking, that shouldn't matter. 

Y/N fingers were warm, and she prodded around the long slice. "It's a little deep up here." She said, touching where it hurt the most near his spine. "But the rest of it is shallow to here, thankfully."  
Zuko shivered at her touch and tried to keep still. "Told you, you did save me." He said, looking over his shoulder to smile up at her. He couldn't read the look in her eyes as she stared back at him, breaking eye contact quickly to open the small box. 

She cleaned the wound with water, and then drug a cloth of what felt like pure needles and fury over his broken skin. He hissed loudly, grabbing the blanket beneath him and twisting it in his fingers. 

Y/N murmured softly, her free hand stroking through Zuko's hair comfortingly. Zuko hadn't felt that before and he melted despite the pain. She played with the hair at the nape of his neck for a few moments until the stinging subsided, and then pulled him into a sitting position. "There, shouldn't get infected now. Probably hurt worse than being stabbed though." She said and Zuko agreed emphatically.  
"Who would have thought I would be bandaging you twice today?" She said, her voice small. Zuko flexed his hand and she watched it. "does it hurt too?"  
"No. At least that's fine "  
She had pressed a long cloth into place to catch the blood and was now winding a length of bandage around him to keep it in place. The feel of her arms coming around him and then back made his head spin and Zuko was rose red by the time she declared herself finished. 

She reached around him again, pressing into his upper back for a moment to grab the tea cup in front of him. He felt her lips by his ear, her hot breath tickling his bare skin and then she was gone, walking to the tea pot. 

Zuko slid his tunic back on and thought he caught a flash of disappointment in y/n's eyes when she turned around. 

Zuko thanked her, taking the opportunity to look around her room. 

"It's... Cozy." He commented, and she snorted collapsing into a cushion positioned beside a simple pine table. "No, I mean it." 

There were plants placed all over the room, even precariously balanced at the top of her wardrobe. They were varying shades of green, some with soft pink blooms and leaves like blades. Others dripped soft purple hearts on thin vines. Zuko reached out to stroke the fenestrated leaf on a large monstera perched beside the bed. His eyes alighted on the stack of books beside it, and was proud to see the book he gifted on top. 

Y/N followed his eyes, watching him as he took it from the stack. Zuko noticed how her hands had gone back to trembling as she lifted the cup to her lips. He held the book out to her. 

"Can you read to me?" He asked. The emerald of her eyes seemed to brighten and she took it from him, stroking the cover for a moment. 

"Only if you'll spend the night." She said. She met his surprised gaze, peering back at him from under those thick lashes. "You don't have to but... I would appreciate it." Zuko looked down at the bedroll he was reclined on and she quickly interjected. "I have another futon, don't worry. It isn't like that." 

"Of course." He replied. Zuko wondered if he would have said no if they needed to share a futon. Y/N looked thankful, grabbing the bedroll from the wardrobe and laying it down beyond arms length away from the one Zuko laid upon. The part of him not reeling from the night's events tried not to be disappointed. 

He gingerly laid on his side, facing her as she sat crossed legged on the matt across from him. The light from the fire was low, casting long shadow across the room. She reached over to a candle on the table and lit it with her fingers. She gave him a sheepish look and Zuko nodded. He would keep her secret, as tightly as he kept his own. 

Opening the book, she begun to read. Her voice, soothing during normal speech was silk as she wove the tales. As the fire died to it's embers, Zuko was surprised to find his eyes becoming heavy. Before the youth realised, he was asleep. 

\- -------------------  
The moon shone through the window, casting Lee's features into stark relief. The angle of his high cheek bones, the soft bow of his lips. He was gentler in sleep, mouth slightly agape and the permanent creases between his eyes brows smoothed. His scar even looked kinder. Not that you had ever minded it. 

You closed the book and set it aside, sliding under the covers while never taking your eyes off his face. He twitched at the sound, his eyes opening slightly to flash their gold at you before closing again. He was so beautiful sometimes it made your heart hurt. 

When you saw him by the fountain, you wanted to run to him. Even if he had understood late, you were glad for it. And the rest of evening...You saw him open up, bit by bit. The stoic youth from the teahouse loosening his shoulders. A wider smile, his hand in yours, even an honest laugh. One that sounded underused. 

You were horrible for putting him in this position, for putting him through what you had. Your first friend, first date, and he has to take a knife for you. 

You rolled over, unable to look at him anymore. In the silence, punctuated only by Lee's measured breathing, you could still hear the crackling of the fire as it shot from your palms. You pressed your palms to your ears, the shuddering over taking your body. 

A soft noise from Lee pulled you back. You thought of the knife in his back. How if it had pushed forward it would have drove into his kidney. You thought of holding his bleeding body in your arms. Of Mushi's face. 

You would do it again if it meant saving him. 

You soon fell into a troubled sleep. 

Were you surprised it was a nightmare? Not exactly. 

You sat on the bench alone, felt the pull of those arms into the bushes. Your body erupts in flames, and soon they are crumpling to your feet in agony, begging for mercy. 

You look up and see your faceless father. He opens his arms to you. You are more his daughter than he ever could have hoped for. Now he's grabbing your shoulders and you are thrashing, desperate to get away. 

You were actually thrashing, and the hoarse voice calling to you was Lee's. You opened your eyes, a drawn out inhale of a gasp making your chest hurt. He was above you, his face agitated. You looked at the window. It wasn't morning as you'd hoped, the moon a little passed half of its journey. You glanced at Lee, his thick eyebrows arched with concern. "You were screaming." He murmured. You stammered out an apology, rubbing your eyes. "I was having a nightmare." He nodded, his gilded eyes soft as he gazed at you. "I have those too."  
You lean your head back into the pillow, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry for waking you. Maybe you should go home, I don't want to keep you up." You regretted making him stay. How hard were you going to make his life?  
Lee reached over, grabbing his bed roll and pulling it closer. "No."  
If he was anything, it was straight to the point.  
He laid down on his stomach and then extended his used to sit beside me and hold my hand when I would have bad dreams." He spoke into the darkness. After a moment he continued. "She left too." You reached out and took his hand. For all you spilled your guts today, he had said next to nothing. You could feel the importance of this. You stroked your thumb across his fingers and felt him squeeze yourt hand in response. Sleep overcome you creeping waves. The last thing you saw before giving yourself over to it completely were Lee's eyes. 

When you woke in the morning, your fingers were still interlaced.


	4. A Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The festival depicted in this chapter is based off of a beautiful Chinese festival! Read more about it here: https://www.chinahighlights.com/festivals/double-seventh-festival.htm

Zuko stood back, admiring the fruits of his labour. A small wooden cup with an ornate lid held y/n’s favourite tea, a vanilla oolong. He had painstakingly crafted a needle point thin flame and etched her initials at the bottom. He would tell her it was done with a hot piece of metal and patience, but he was proud of his precision. It gave him an excuse to practice the bending that seemed to be dulling the longer he lived in this city. 

Beside it was a small box of sweets, strawberry mochi from a bakery down the street. She had said they were her favourite, so Zuko hoped they would impress. Iroh had been taken aback by them, and had almost squeezed the life out of Zuko at “the boy’s growing thoughtfulness” towards his… Girlfriend? 

The nervousness rose in Zuko’s chest again and he pushed away from the table, frustrated. Today was Qixi. Another festival. But the focus was heavy on romance. Neither of them wanted to partake in celebrations, since the last had gone so well… 

It had been three weeks since that night. The death of the robber had gone unnoted, no alarm bells raised. No Dai Li knocking at Zuko’s door. It almost made it worse, and Zuko knew y/n was suffering from it. No matter how many times he assured her, tried to convince her that she had done the right thing, the dark circles under her eyes only grew deeper. 

There was a shade over her bright smile. He hoped it wasn’t dampened forever. His biggest regret was not killing the bastard himself, and saving her from this mental anguish. But time was irreversible, as he had to learn over and over again. All he could do was move forward. So despite this territory being unfamiliar and scary for Zuko, he tried. He tried in a way for her he had never tried before. 

He focused back on the task at hand. He shut the lid on the mochi and put it in his bag, carefully wedging the cup beside it. He had asked the day off from the tea house, to the even further happiness of his uncle. Iroh was ecstatic at Zuko’s “enjoyment of youth.” Zuko knew the old man assumed this meant that he was settling into a life here in Ba Sing Se. Zuko wasn’t so sure himself. He still knew, deep down that if he found the Avatar this illusion would be broken. 

He pulled the emerald and gold necklace from his pocket, admiring how it glinted in the noon sun. He thought about leaving her. How things like this just made it hurt more. Zuko was digging his nails into her heart and would leave wounds in his wake. 

But he would make a place for her. With his restored honoured, his name. He would find a place where she didn’t need to hide. He would create a world where she didn’t need to be ashamed. He would release her island, rebuild her temple. He’d offer himself as her teacher, her friend, her… 

Would she forgive him when the time arrived and the truth came out? Zuko knew he could never reveal his deceit, and that he would leave in the middle of the night. But when he returned to her it would be one of the brightest days in his life. He only hoped she would come with him. 

It made him feel a little bit less selfish about his search of the Avatar. 

With a sigh Zuko repocketed the necklace and headed out. He soon found the market where y/n cared for the book stall. He hated the rush of these places and pawned the market errands on Iroh more often than often. 

But when he saw her, he wondered why he hadn’t come sooner. She was holding a book out to a young mother and her child, her face animated as she made the family laugh. She laughed along with them, taking the money from the mother’s hand before discreetly sliding another book into their bag. The woman shook her head and y/n held up her hand, pointing her chin at the child. The little girls eyes were brighter than stars, and she peeked into the bag as they walked away from the stall. 

The smile on y/n’s face was the most genuine Zuko had seen since the festival night. She stood still for a moment, watching the receding figures of the mother and daughter. Zuko recognized the hunger in her eyes as one that often overcame his. 

How would he ever leave her? 

He approached the stall, trying to arrange his face into something friendlier as he usually had to do. But when she recognized him and her smile brightened even more, reaching those emerald eyes, he couldn’t help but return it. 

“Lee!” She greeted him enthusiastically, rushing around the side of the stall to run up to him. She stopped inches away, looking for permission. He almost laughed, knowing he was doing the same. He wrapped his arms around her, embracing her tightly and she rested her hands on his back, gripping onto his shirt. They remained like that for a few moments, and Zuko felt the rest of the world fall away. The noise of the market, it’s smells and crush of the people and stalls. Gone. Replaced by the figure wrapped in his arms. Her hair was wrapped in the scarf he had given her, his token of affection. 

She pulled away, blushing a soft pink as she looked into his eyes. This physical intimacy was new to both of them. But they were learning. 

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay at the tea house?” She asked, moving back behind the stall. She had taken his hand, guiding him into the shade with her. Zuko forced his attention away from how her thumb stroked over his fingers to answer. Her catastrophizing had gotten worse. 

“No, nothing like that.” He assured her, and her face relaxed. “I… Took the day off. I wanted to spend some time with you.” His voice got softer and he looked away, touching his hand to the back of his neck. “It’s 7-7. And even though I don’t think we should do any festival activities.” She nodded in agreement quicker than he expected. “I just thought we could… Spend some time together." 

Spirits, he felt like such a dork. He didn’t have time to dwell in his embarrassment, because y/n was hugging him again. She leaned her head back and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. 

That was new. 

"I would… I would love that. ” She said, her fingers interlaced behind his neck as she gazed up with him. Zuko placed his hands on her waist, and found the feel familiar, comforting. He leaned his face down towards her, his eyes half closed. He saw her lashes flutter as she raised to meet him and he was hovering, right above those full lips- 

A polite but stern cough interrupted them, and they jumped apart. Y/n turned to the front of the stall, and Zuko leapt back, knocking down half of a stack of history books. He scrabbled to pick them up, stacking them quickly. 

An old man stood on the other side of the stall, leaning heavily on a cane. His glasses were comically thick, and large. 

“Mr. Zhang!” She exclaimed, twisting the cloth of her sleeve in her hand. “I forgot that you were visiting today.” Her voice was bright and steady. “What is it you wanted to speak to me about?”

“I see I was interrupting something important.” he said, his tone haughty. Y/n shook her head, her eyes wide with innocence. 

“Oh nothing at all! A friend of mine was just visiting for a moment. This is Lee, the one I’ve told you about.” She waved her hand at him behind her back and Zuko spun around, an awkward smile plastered on his face. 

The man’s eyes widened with recognition, and Zuko felt a chill creep down his spine. Within a moment Zhang’s face had settled into an expressionless mask. He hurrumphed a greeting. “The famous Lee.” He mused. His eyes searched Zuko’s face for a moment before he turned back to y/n. He was quiet for a moment, consumed in thought. Y/N leaned forward, confused at his silence. He spoke again loudly, making them both jump. 

"Just wanted to let you know that I will be leaving a crate of new material outside of my door for you. Come by and take it when you have time. You’ll find the contents… Interesting. You may want to read it at home.“ His eyes slid back to Zuko’s face before he turned around, hobbling off. Zuko struggled to place him, to understand the feeling of dread that gripped his heart. 

He turned to yell over his shoulder, loud enough to catch the attention of some passerbys. "And don’t scare my customers off with your smooching!" 

Zuko turned red, and y/n had to kneel quickly, covering her mouth with both her hands. Zuko sat down hard beside her and when she met his eyes she laughed. The rich, musical laugh that he had been deprived of for a while now. 

She wiped a tear of mirth from her eye, subsiding to giggles as she calmed down. "I’m sorry, I thought I was a goner. He has no shame." 

They were close together again, and hidden from view. Their gazes locked, and y/n reached out, her fingertips brushing against his scar. Zuko’s eyes closed and he leaned into her touch. She cupped his cheek, running her thumb against the healed skin. 

Her other hand went to hold the opposite cheek and he felt her body shift, moving closer. He was about to open his eyes when he felt her lips on his. The pressure was light, and Zuko deepened it eagerly. He pulled her to him and they kissed. It was soft, lingering and gentle. They held it until they were breathless, breaking away for air. He smiled at her sheepishly and she returned it with tenderness. 

"Wow.” He whispered and she laughed again, and he relished it for a few moments before kissing her again. 

She pulled away, her fingers still twisting through his hair. “we should stand up. Before someone assumes all this priceless material is unmanned and robs us blind." 

Zuko smiled, rising up and pulling her up with him. The weight at his side reminded him, and he quickly opened his bag, pulling out the box and tea. 

"I brought these for you.” He said, placing them on the counter. 

“Lee… I’m at a loss. I haven’t gotten anything for you, I…” She touched the carved cup, running her finger over the initials. “This is so thoughtful.” She turned to him, her expression incredulous. “How are you so thoughtful?" 

He grinned, proud that the gift had landed so well. "I made you oolong.” He said, unscrewing the cap. She melted against him, and gasped outright when she opened the mochi. Y/n was still for a moment, and when she looked back at him, her eyes were filled with tears. 

“Lee…” She managed to choke out. 

“I don’t need anything. You… You make me feel better. You make me do better. Just by being here with me. The things you say… I’m not that good at expressing myself.” How could he explain that he did this because he could never verbalize how much she meant to him, no matter how long he tried? 

She bit her lower lip, and brushed a tear from her cheek. “Now you got me crying.” She said, breathing deeply and shaking her hands. She steadying herself and then picked up a mochi, raising it to Zuko’s lips. 

“Thank you. Thank you for everything you do for me. You make me really happy.” She whispered, her eyes shining as Zuko bit into the chewy sweet. She eyed his lips, and Zuko hoped she would kiss him again. He was disappointed when she turned away, grabbing another mochi and enjoying it between sips of tea. They spent the next few hours leaned against each other in a soft silence, broken only by curious customers or quiet conversation about the books at hand. Y/n kept the stall tidy and organized, and admitted happily that sales had gone through the roof once patrons were actually able to find what they were interested in. 

Zuko let himself imagine another world, where this was his life. Visiting his girlfriend on 7-7, watching as she sold books,as he tended the tea house. Iroh was even thinking of expanding, creating his own in an upscale neighborhood with funding from a snotty noble. He imagined a version of himself that didn’t turn his nose to the thought of serving, who didn’t have the responsibilities of his ancestors honour upon him.

It made his heart hurt.

That’s what he deserved for falling for Iroh’s advice.

He had to admit though, as he watched y/n chat with a young boy about an adventure novel she had recommended. It was nice to imagine. After the boy had left Zuko reached over, tucking a lock of hair back under the scarf. She smiled back at him. 

“I think we can call it a day.” She announced, and they began to pack away books into the earth-bending created chests that were build into the stall. 

As he moved to leave Y/N grabbed his hand. “Wait. I’m going to make you dinner tonight, a good one.” She pulled him along the market and Zuko watched as she haggled, and charmed. The sellers all seemed to be friendly, and greeted her warmly, their curious eyes boring into him. He slipped into the stoic, plain faced look that had gotten him through countless appearances in fire Nation court, those many years ago. But he found himself holding back a smile every time she introduced him as her “dear friend”. Dear friend. Her voice flattered the first time, looking back at him and he badly wanted to correct her but. He couldn’t. 

Soon they were in her apartment, Zuko lugging in a heavy bagful of assorted vegetables, spices and meat. They had made a quick stop at Zhang’s home, and y/n was placing the heavy box in the corner. 

This was his first time being back in the apartment since that night. It felt even more lush, and had the book stacks had only gotten higher. 

Y/N walked to the window, throwing open the curtains. Music greeted them, a lively tune played out on a pipa and a Hotchiku, a decadent voice accompanying. Y/N stuck her head out, looking down and crying out happily. 

“Looks like we’ll have our own music for the evening, seems like some performers have settled right on the street down there.” She clapped her hands excitedly, rushing to pull some coins from her bag. 

“Heads up!” She called down, and Zuko looked over to watch her drop the coins into a hat one of the performers lifted up. The woman looked up at them, before whispering into the ear of the singing man. With an abrupt tone change, the song changed to an old song about two love birds perched in a tree. 

Zuko pulled his head back, blushing harshly as Y/n did the same. Were they that obvious? 

They looked at each other and burst into laughter as y/n moved to the small kitchen corner. 

She set to preparing dinner, forbidding Zuko from helping. He instead perched on the counter, sneaking pieces of carrot as she pretended to stop him. At points she would take a break between saueting or chopping and move between his legs to lean her head on his shoulder. Zuko would lean his head against hers and they would just breathe.

“It smells delicious” he said, eyeing up the clay pot set on the primitive stove. It bubbled with a savoury curry, tantalizing chunks of chicken, carrot and potato peeking through the thick gravy. “Not too spicy?” He asked, his voice innocent. 

Y/N grinned at him. “spicy, but not too spicy. " 

She prepared two plates, delicately creating mounds of rice with small bowls, and pooling the curry around it. She took it to the low table where he had sat. 

"It’s not anything super fancy, but… It’s a thank you.” The music still wafted through the window, a more steady and soft tune. They gazed at each other over the table, and Zuko thought about all the things he wanted to say. Instead he reached out over the table top and grasped her hand in his. She squeezed his hand. 

“I have so many things to thank you for, Lee. You’ve… Helped me. In every way. Time and time again. I was scared coming to this city, scared of leaving Szeto’s. But all that fear lead to you. And I’m happy for it.” Zuko’s heart clenched and he nodded wordlessly. She smiled, a genuine smile that was removed from the self hatred and fear Zuko had seen hanging over here 

How would he ever leave her? 

They finished their food, and were soon leaned against each other, sitting with their back against the wall the music was drifting from. They demurely held hands, and y/n was tracing his fingers with hers. 

“Do you plan to stay in Ba Sing Se?” Y/N asked and Zuko felt his heart jump into his throat, trying to control the shock in his body. 

“No. It’s a prison, and I want to get out of here as soon as I can.” He admitted, happily speaking the truth wherever he could. “what about you?" 

"I think… I think I’ll leave. Eventually. I want to find my father.” She leaned her head back against the wall. “The Fire Nation seems like a scary place but, if I could find him… I don’t know. Maybe I can find my mother through him, get an idea of where she ran to.” Zuko nodded in agreement, his mind racing. If she wanted to go to the Fire Nation… This helped. This helped a lot. He could help her, get the name of her father from his own. 

The tune outside was hauntingly beautiful, and y/n stood, taking Zuko’s hands and pulling him with her. 

“Hey, will you dance with me?” She asked, her eyes coy as she stroked a finger down his cheek. Zuko gulped. “I’m a shitty dancer.” Another truth. 

“It’s okay, I am too.” She slid her arms around his neck, and he held her waist. Together they swayed, taking a few lopsided steps side to side. Zuko held her tight for a moment, spinning her around as she let out a laugh, clinging to his shoulders. He kissed the laugh from her lips, and she stood still, focusing on kissing him back. He felt her smile against his mouth and pulled away, looking at her with curiousity. 

She shrugged, pulling him back for another kiss which he happily accepted. She murmured softly against his lips. “I’m just happy.” And it was his turn to smile against hers. 

The music died off, and y/n stepped back, regarding him carefully. She turned to collapse on her bedroll, considering what she was about to say. 

“Can you close the curtains? I want to show you something." 

A blush rose in Zuko’s cheeks as he looked at her, her languid recline on the bedroll, the arch of her eyebrow as she regarded him back. Her eyes widened and she tossed a pillow at him. "Not like that!!” He raised his hands defensively, covering the window and turning back to her. She was sitting up now, and had her hand in front of her, her palm facing up. 

“I’ve been practicing. It’s hard by myself, but… I think it’s important to.” She raised a flame, her face stony with concentration she then slowing removed her palm, and the flame balanced in the air, flickering beautifully before it went out with the exhale of her breath. Zuko was impressed. It was a relatively basic skill, but the fact she had learned it on her own was promising. She had the makings of a powerful bender. He wished he could praise her properly. 

She looked over at him, and an immediate look of guilt took over her face. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. That was insensitive-" 

"No. I’m glad you’re practicing. I’m… Glad you’re embracing it. You don’t need to be ashamed of it.” He said, kneeling in front of her. 

She pulled him close, kissing him again. He would never tire of this. The kiss broke, and she sighed softly, resting her forehead against his. Her fingers stroked the outline of his scar, and he looked for an expression of disgust, dislike. But all she had was warmth for him. 

“Lee…" 

"Yes?" 

She seemed to hold her breath for a moment. 

"Would you like to spend the night?" 

Zuko took a moment. A moment was all he needed. 

"Yes." 

She kissed him again, before moving to grab the bedroll. She spread it out, this time right next to hers. Zuko sat on it, and she sat facing him. She rested her elbow on her knee, then held her chin. Zuko leaned back on his hands, raising an eyebrow at her. 

"What are you looking at?” He asked. 

“You.” She said simply. The way she gazed at him made him feel seen in a way he realised he had been missing. 

She opened her mouth to say more, but Zuko interrupted with a kiss. He pulled back a bit. “I’m sorry, you were saying?" 

She shook her head, her hand running up his arm, to his shoulder, to his neck, through his hair. "I forgot. You can’t kiss me like that and expect me to keep my wits about me.” Zuko smirked against her mouth, pulling her to him and kissing her with a fervor that he could barely contain. He pulled away again. 

“And when I kiss you like that?" 

She responded by gripping his shoulders and kissing him deeply, achingly deep. Zuko moved to lay back, and y/n hovered over him, placing demure kisses along his cheek and jaw line. He reached up, grasping the silk of the scarf that covered her hair. He pulled it off carefully, and her ebony waves cascaded over him. They fell like curtains, blocking off the rest of the world. 

Right now all that existed was her. Her lips, the flash of her emerald eyes. Her touch. How she smelled like cedarwood and warmth. 

As he breathed her in, as they loved each other purely and unabashedly, a forbidden thought crept into his mind. 

How would he ever leave her?


	5. A Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko's truth comes out, and someone searches for Y/N.

You started awake at the feeling of someone's arm wrapping around your waist. Panic set in. Who was this in your home, in your bed? You needed help you needed- 

From behind you, Lee murmured something in his sleep.

Oh. Oh yes. 

He spoke again, his mumbling voice completely unguarded. You couldn’t make out the words, but your heart warmed.

Yesterday came flooding back to you. You closed your eyes for a moment, savouring every memory you could. You wanted to burn them into your eyelids, to never forget. 

His breath was soft against the back of your neck, tickling you slightly. The arm slumped around your waist was laid there as though it was meant to be. You wanted to remain in this peace.

As much as it pained you, there was a day that needed to be started. You'd wake him up with some tea, to make it a bit easier. You lifted his arm and slid out, trying your best not to disturb him but when you looked back, his jasper yellow eyes were locked on you. 

"Where are you going?" He asked, his voice a raspy early morning growl. 

"Just going to make some tea." You murmured. He was alert so fast, seemed to be used to waking up quickly. He nodded, pulling you unexpectedly by your hand to kiss you. Your timid touches were history, which made sense. You had felt every part of him last night, and he reciprocated with ardency. You remained like that for a few moments, tempted to fall back into the pocket of bliss. Pulling away was hard. 

You slid into your robe, walking over to set the pot on. You turned to grab cups and your eyes alighted on the box you had taken from Zhang's. 

Your boss scared you. Your mind drifted to an incident a week ago that you hadn't breathed to anyone, not even Lee. The Dai Li had cornered you in an alleyway, on your way from Zhang's with a stack of books to deliver to the market. The pale green eyes of the Dai Li agent had flashed at you, and he asked in a polite tone if you were aware of any firebending incidents. A concerned citizen had spotted you alone in a garden where... Evidence had been found. 

Before you could reply, the top most book in your stack fell. As you watched it tumbled to the ground, the ground reached up to catch it. Your heart stopped. The book was a top of a small earthen pillar. You reached out to grab it, and the pillar sunk gratefully back into the Earth. Did you just earthbend?

"Firebending? I don't think I have." You replaced the book atop of the stack, your tone curious. 

The agents exchanged perturbed glances. In the end they didn't need to bring you in, and you knew yourself saved. You stood for a moment, your heart racing. Then you felt eyes upon you. You looked over at Zhang's house and noticed the curtain of a window fluttering closed.

You knew he had helped you, but you don't know why. You wondered if he knew who he had been helping. 

You pulled yourself back to present day, and regarded the small crate in front of you. It wasn't often Zhang let you take merchandise home before putting it up for sale. Your heart felt tight at what he thought important for you to know. 

A glance over your shoulder showed a Lee that had fallen back asleep. He looked peaceful. His lips were parted slightly, an lashes fluttering against his cheeks. You wondered what you did to deserve him. He made your heart full. 

You turned back to the crate and pried the lid off carefully. It was filled with rolled scrolls, loose papers. Something caught your eye and stared in horror at the Fire Nation insignia emblazed boldly on the front of the first page you could see. You picked up a few pages, flicking through them. All of these were Fire Nation, and obviously contraband. 

Why were you supposed to look at this? Did Zhang know who you were? How would he? His actions from before were even more confusing. 

Your fingers trembled as you read through the papers clutched in your hand. The top most was an announcement for a celebration. The Prince's 10th birthday. A simplistic portrait of the royal family was depicted underneath, and your blood ran cold.

Ozai. The Fire Lord. 

Your fingers traced his face. Though you had never met him, he felt familiar. The man who had burned down your island, the man who your father followed across the world and back. You wouldn’t be here without his cruelty. 

You looked at his wife, and your heart hurt. She looked solemn, a tragic beauty. Their children between them, even this propaganda seemed to capture the frigidity of their love. 

The next paper was a proclamation, pertaining to the banishment of the young prince. It was dated only months after what would have been the child's 13th birthday. You wondered where the prince was now. He would be your age. Strangely you felt a camaraderie with him. Cruel fathers, being forced from your home. You wondered if he took after his king.

You put the stack of papers down, turning your attention to a hand rolled poster. As you reached, Lee moved from the bedroll. You froze, unsure of what you would answer if he asked. But he simply pulled on the clothes left haphazardly on the floor then walked to the washroom door, sliding it closed behind him. 

You began to unfurl the poster, looking over to the kettle to ensure it hadn't boiled yet. When you looked back it was half open, and Mushi's face greeted you. 

You were confused. Mushi? Your eyes darted across the words that had been revealed.

Dragon of the West. Iroh. Do not hesitate to kill. 

Iroh, the ousted heir, the brother to the Firelord. Your breath came out in shallow gasps. He couldn't be. You thought of the kind old man who was so meticulous about his tea, so caring for his nephew. Who had bridled at the injustice you faced, that your people had faced. That was the man who had nearly ruined this city, the brother of the man who ruined your home. 

You called him Uncle. *Lee* called him uncle. Slowly it clicked. You didn't want to unfurl it further. You want to put everything back in its place and crawl back into bed. Lee would lay beside you and you'd make him late for work, holding him until he lost track of time. 

But your hands seemed to move of their own accord, and soon Lee stared back at you. But it wasn’t Lee.

Zuko. Fire emperor heir apparent. Do not hesitate to kill. 

The sound of the bathroom door opening made you spin around. Lee (Not Lee) looked at you, his brow raised in confusion. 

"Are you okay, y/n?" He asked, moving closer. You flinched, taking a step back. You were trembling. Lee (NOT Lee.) was concerned now. "What's wrong?" His eyes caught the papers scattered over the floor and you saw the moment he recognized his family portrait. Your mouth went dry. His eyes shot to yours, a panic stricken gold. "How did you get these?" He asked, a note of panic in his voice. 

"You lied to me." You said. It wasn't an accusation, it was a simple fact. 

He stiffened, his outstretched hands falling to his side. The fight seemed to go out of him, at least for a moment. "I had to. I couldn't get you involved." 

"You *had* to?" You repeated, your voice incredulous. The pain in your heart was making it hard to breathe. 

"Yes, I **had** to. What was I supposed to say? Hi there. I'm the son of the genocidal maniac that enslaved your people. Want to hang out?" The mania was rising in his voice and he whirled around, pacing. There was his anger. The temper you hadn't seen in a while. "Look at what it says. Read it. They want me dead. It's not like my birthright means anything anymore." He was right, but it didn’t matter. He knew. 

"You looked me in the face for weeks, months. And lied. After I told you who I was, after I told you everything about me. I felt terrible, terrible for exposing you to what I did. I bared myself for you in so many ways, and so much-" your voice caught and you stubbornly pushed the tears from your cheek. 

"You lied to me too. Are you saying you would have came clean if that night hadn't happened?" He snapped back. The fire in the hearth blazed with his anger. All this time. All this time he could bend the fire you sought so hard to control, that you feared so deeply. No wonder he wasn't scared. 

"Yes." You said emphatically and he had the audacity to roll his eyes. "I would have. I would have told you before I let you get close." You gestured at his half naked body. "Before we turned in this." He looked down at himself, and you remembered the way your fingers traced his chest and stomach, how you kissed the hollow of his neck and pressed your face into his shoulder. He grabbed his shirt, sliding it on quickly. 

"I didn't want you to hate me" he said, his voice low. “My father, what he did to you and your people.”

"Do you think I would hold you responsible for what your father's done?" You sounded small. "After all I told you, you thought I would blame you?" 

He had the sense to look ashamed at that. 

“You are not Ozai, L-” his name caught in your throat. Not Lee. Zuko. “I don’t care about your family. I care that you lied to me. That you would have kept your lie to me, for how long?”

He moved forward, trying to hold you. You cringed away from his grasp and swore you heard his heart break. 

He took a deep breath, combing his fingers back through his hair. "I have a plan. I'm going to restore my honour, my name. I have to capture the Avatar, once my father sees that he'll accep-" 

The shocked look on your face was enough to stop him mid word. "You'd turn over the Avatar. You'd hunt down the Avatar and give him to someone you just called genocidal?" You couldn't reconcile this man with the one who held you as you fell asleep. When he spoke of the Avatar there was a cruelty in his eyes you had never seen before. And a pain, an immeasurable pain. 

"In a heartbeat. " He said firmly. 

You shook your head. "I don't understand. You know what he's doing is wrong, you know it. I know you know it. How could you keep pushing this cycle?" 

"Of course you don't understand, you don't have..." He trailed off. 

Tears were flowing freely now. "Say it. I don't have what? A father? Honour?" You spat. 

"I didn't mean it like that, y/n. I misspoke." 

But you couldn't be calmed. 

"What were you going to do, huh? When you found the Avatar? Just up and leave me?" 

His expression answered you.

"You were going to abandon me." He was still. 

"Like everyone else has." You realised and Zuko crossed the room, gripping your arms before you could move away. 

"Don't say that. I could never, I would never do that to you." He pleaded, and you struggled to stay upright. You looked into those eyes. The ones that glimmered like citrine. Like the sun. The ones you had dreamed about, had yearned for. They were so unfamiliar now. Maybe the prince did take after his king. 

"Then why? Why do this? Why hold onto me like this, why would you make me feel like this if you were just going to leave?" 

He held you closer. "That wasn't part of the plan. I shouldn't have. I... I started falling for you."

"You need to get better at lying if you're going to go back to the Fire Nations court." You whispered. Zuko froze. Before he could say anything else: "I think you should leave." 

"Fine. " His shoulders slumped and he let you go.

Your body screamed to bring back his touch, to pull him back to you and wrap yourself in his essence. You closed your eyes and thought of the ways he kissed you, how you may never feel that again. He pressed his lips to your forehead. 

"Please. Don't hate me." He whispered hoarsely. 

You couldn't if you wanted to.

You stood with your eyes shut until you heard the door close. All the breath left your body and you sunk to the floor, sobs wracking your frame. You felt a hole had opened where your heart was. You clutched at your chest, trying to assuage the pain with pressure. But nothing worked. You were forced to lay on the ground and feel your sadness in its rawest form. 

He's gone. 

The anger grew you in you by the second as you stared at the papers surrounding you. With a cry you threw the scroll into the fire, relishing the crackle as the flames licked it burnt. 

That felt good.

You proceeded to shove every last piece of paper into your hearth, the angry flames lapping at their clay containment. He would be relieved at least. The fire was dangerously big but you didn't care. You eyes scanned the room, looking for more things to throw in. They landed on the book. The one he gave you. You strode over, grabbing it roughly enough to bend the cover you used to so delicately stroke. 

He was going to leave. He was going to leave you the first chance he got. And the Avatar. A chill ran down your spine at the thought of what Ozai would do with the threat of the Avatar completely gone. With the cycle broken. And that Lee (He is not Lee), your Lee (HE IS NOT YOURS) would help that come to fruition. 

Zuko. He was Prince Zuko. You stalked back over to the fire, ready to watch the engraved leather burn to a crisp. And he would kill the last airbender, he would solidify his nation’s grip. He would rule as his father did. 

You looked at the book in your hands. It was a reminder of his kindness, the thoughtfulness that had shone through cracks in his stoic exterior. Was that the real him, the person that he gave to you? Or was it the scarred youth who promised to bring down the world to revive his name? You could still feel the anger and fear he left behind. You clutched the book to your chest, trying to cast out the thoughts of him saving you. Of saving others. Of jumping to aid, in a way you knew was completely selfless. His utter anger at that woman being hurt, his worry for you. 

Your tears fell to the tops of the pages. 

You wanted it to be real. You wanted Lee to be real and Zuko to be a cruel joke, but life never gave you anything you wanted. Whether he was Lee or Zuko, he would have left you all the same. 

You let the book fall to the floor, out of reach of the angry flames. You walked back to the bed where you had both lain, wrapped in each other's bliss.

When you pressed your face to the pillow you could smell him. 

You were right from the beginning. It was better if you were alone. 

\- -------------

Zuko was gripped in cold. It was an angry, biting cold that froze his heart and cut anyone who touched him. Iroh had to beg him to stop scaring off the customers. Zuko begrudgingly listened to him, but that was all. If he hadn't taken the old man's advice, if he hadn't fell to his softness, Zuko wouldn't be hurt. Y/N wouldn't be hurt. 

He didn't tell Iroh why she had stopped coming around. His uncle didn't ask. Zuko couldn't bring himself to say it, even though it would be a satisfying slap to Iroh. 

She knew. She knew and she thought him a monster, and Iroh too. 

But every day Iroh would prepare a tray with her favourite tea pot, a deep yellow thing with matching green cups, with her favourite tea and set it aside. Zuko didn't stop him. He could feel the ice grow thicker every time someone walked through the door and it wasn’t her. 

He still carried the necklace he had bought for her. He never got the chance to gift it to her. Now it was a reminder of the life he could have had if he wasn't who he was. 

Though he steeled himself against her, convinced himself that this was how it should be, he had allowed her touch to burn into him. He found himself searching for her in crowds, dreaming of her like an idiot. When he saw a dark haired girl ducked behind a book his world almost fell away. But when the book moved it wasn't her. He was ashamed of how fucking sad it made him. 

It was a week after the last time they had spoken that paper fluttered down from the sky. He was on his way to the tea house when it happened. Zuko's mind shot back to the crate in y/n's apartment and for a horrible moment he thought she had spread the news. But when he snatched the yellow parchment from the air he was greeted with the visage of the Avatar's bison. Missing. Last seen in a neighborhood across the city. 

For the first time in a long time Zuko felt his heart beat. He threw his head back, looking to the sky. It was clear, but he could imagine the shape of the young boy on his glider so clearly. The Avatar. The avatar was here, in Ba Sing Se. The shock coursed through his body like fire, igniting his spirit. It had been years, years since he had any inkling of where he could have been. And now the avatar had found his way to him. 

His destiny. He knew he was meant to captire the Avatar. 

Y/N accusatory eyes flashed before his. Her expression when he tried to tell her his plan. Her words. The guilt felt like a weight, but he tried to push past it. What could she possibly understand? She didn't even get that he loved her. That he was doing this for her, that he would turn this sin into good when his time came. But he didn’t think she would forgive him.

It hurt admitting that. But the illusion was broken, his time in Ba Sing Se was up. The rest of the day at the tea house flashed by. Zuko planned his next move, and the one after that. It felt comforting to fall back into these habits, to have a goal. He didn't even think of y/n as much. At least he tried not to. 

Iroh had excused himself from the end of the day duties, going to some meeting about the new tea house. Foolish plans that Zuko had no interest in. Before the old man turned to go, he cornered Zuko. Zuko refused to meet his eye. 

"I don't know what happened, and I'm not going to ask. I simply want you to be okay, nephew. You've made so much progress." He grasped Zuko's shoulder. "And I'm proud of you. I know that you will always choose the right choice." 

Zuko wordlessly turned away, waiting until the man had left before closing the tea house as quick as he could. 

He almost ran out of the door when everything was done, ready to set off on his mission. A yelp from underfoot scared him, and he stumbled back. A young boy rubbed his foot, shooting Zuko a look filled with reproach. 

"Get out of the way kid." Grunted Zuko, moving past the boy quickly. 

"Mister!! Mister I have to tell you something." He called out, struggling to keep up with Zuko's rapid pace. "There's a man looking for that girl." Zuko stopped in his tracks. He looked at the boy, and recognized his face. It was the boy y/n had helped those months ago. 

"What man? And what girl- do you mean y/n?" Was the shop owner coming after her? That didn't make sense. 

The boy kicked at the cobblestone. "Is that the girl who helped me? Because then yeah, her."

Zuko's frustration was growing. "Yes. What man?" 

"I don't know his name. But he got out of jail a bit ago. Said his bitch is gone and he wanted to get back at the bitch who took her away. He's been getting drunk at the bar my father drinks at, and he said something about a guy with a facial scar who kept him from getting her the first time around... I realised it was you." The words were harsh coming from a small child, but he seemed so at ease saying them. "He said yesterday that he figured out where she lived..."

The man. The pregnant woman’s husband. Zuko felt sick. 

"Does she know, did you tell her?" His mind was racing. If he hadn't seen her days, could he already have gotten to her? 

The boy shook his head. "I couldn't find her, but I asked around for the guy with the cool scar so it was easier to get you. I... I wanted to warn her. She's a nice person, I don't want her to get hurt. "

"Me neither kid." Zuko replied. He began walking towards the direction of the market. She would be closing the stall right now, if he moved fast he could grab her before she got home.

The boy followed him. " You're going to help her right?" Zuko nodded. And the boy puffed out his chest. "I'll help too. Just like she helped me. And you did too." 

It struck Zuko deeply how impacted the kid was by something that y/n had done without a second thought. It wasn't the time to get sappy now. Zuko put a hand on the child's shoulder. 

"This isn't going to be the place for you. Trust me. Don't follow me." The boy opened his mouth to fight back and Zuko tightened his grip. 

"Don't follow me. I'm serious." The kid looked crestfallen. 

"I wanted to-" 

"I know. And it's brave. You're brave. " He tousled the kid's hair, unsure what else to do. "But I got it from here." The boy didn't look impressed, but he had stopped following Zuko. 

Without another word Zuko took off, running full speed to where he thought she was. He skid into the half empty market, rushing to the book stall. He hoped it was her, prayed it was her. 

Instead Zhang stood at the stall, watching Zuko approach with guarded eyes. "You won't find her here." Zuko turned to leave. "She moved from that apartment as well." The man said, turning away to dust off some books. “Said she was tired of it, needed a new environment. This was the man who gave her the poster, who ruined everything. Zuko's growing anger threatened to lash out and he struggled to reign it in. 

"She's in trouble." 

The old man regarded Zuko, and he detected a touch of worry. " From what? I hope not you." 

He was making it hard to control his anger. 

"Who even are you?" Zuko snapped. He moved closer, his voice lowering. "How did you know?" 

Zhang turned to him and gave him a half grin. 

"I'm not surprised you didn't recognize me. I guess you didn't spend much time in the library, you never were one to focus on your studies. "

The realisation slammed Zuko. Those pale eyes peering at him over glasses as he struggled to find the scrolls he needed to practice. How the rest of the librarians whispered about the half breed worker, earth Kingdom scum who just got lucky. 

"You worked at the palace." 

"What a job that was. Your father fired and banished me too, that gives us quite a bit in common doesn't it?" His tone was scornful and Zuko understood. 

"That's why you told her. You hate my family." 

"She deserved to know." He man took of his glasses, wiping them on his coat. "I knew she was from Szeto's the moment I saw her. Her father was a nasty piece of business, he spoke lowly of her mother when he returned to the city. It’s a shame she takes after him, but I won’t hold it against her. She isn’t a Fire Nation citizen in any sense, thankfully.” His eyes bore into Zuko. “ Your father personally levelled their people, I'm sure you're aware? And then you, you go galivanting with the by-product of your family's colonialism, without a care in the world." Zuko broiled. "All I knew, is that if you were anything like your father... She needed to be far away from you." The words cut deep. He was right. Zuko knew he was right. 

But that didn't matter right now. Zuko slammed his hand on the stall, almost steaming with fury. 

"I should have told her!! I know I should have, but that doesn't fucking matter right now. She's in danger, and I need to know where she is." His voice broke. "I can't let her get hurt." His nails dug into the stone. It seemed like no matter what, he was either too much like his father or not enough. 

Zhang stared at him, eyebrow raised. He turned his back again, sighing. Zuko was about to reach out and shake him when he slid a piece of paper over. "Directions to her new home." When Zuko reached forward to grab the paper, Zhang's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. "Tread carefully, prince." Zuko snatched his hand away and wordlessly ran to where he could find his y/n. 

He hoped he wasn't too late.


	6. A Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko finds the man who intends to hurt Y/N... Then continues on his journey.

Zuko's heart was in his throat as he skidded around corners. He had a vague idea of where she would be, but the city was so big, so confusing. As he tried to navigate the identical brown streets, all he could think about was finding y/n's broken body laying in the middle, a pool of her red blood surrounding her and her green eyes forever open to the sky. He couldn't let that happen. 

Zuko scrabbled over a wall, ignoring the indignant cries of a woman putting out her laundry. He barrelled onto a main street, realising he was close. It was early evening, the sun hiding behind the horizon that Zuko hadn't seen in months, hidden behind the imposing walls.  
At last he saw the building, an unassuming tan square. Please let her be in there. 

He ducked into a nearby alley, pulling his blue spirit mask from his bag. He was grateful he had grabbed it during his break at the tea house. He thought he would have been putting it to use finding the Avatar's bison... But this was just as worthy of a cause. He didn't want anyone seeing what he was about to do. As the full darkness of night fell around him he donned his gear. 

Slinking along the side of the building, his eyes darted around the vicinity of y/n's apartment. An ornate building stood across the street, complete with beautiful statues set upon its layered eaves. Perfect. Zuko scaled the sides, heaving himself to eye level with the first row of windows of the apartment. He peered in, trying to figure out which one was hers. He finally found it on the top level. He recognized it the moment he saw the heavy pothos draped against the window, and a small stack of books balanced on the ledge. 

He wondered if the inside was as comforting as her last place. He remembered the way the flames from the hearth bathed her face as she lay beside him, the orange glow making her soft brown skin look ethereal. The shadows of the plants danced with the movement of the fire and he felt at peace for the first time, maybe in forever. 

His fist tightened around his dual daos. Gone. That was gone. She left the apartment, that's how badly she wanted to be rid of the memories that Zuko couldn't let go of. He wondered if she would want to see him, what he would say to her. He couldn't bear facing her, to see the betrayal in her eyes. Or even worse, the forgiveness. He had a mission now, finally, and the temptation would be strong enough to hurt. 

Zuko sat for what felt like ages, perched behind the crouched statues. Should he be scouring the city? Had the man already gotten to y/n? Just as he was about to go mad with worry, the window brightened and Zuko allowed himself to breathe when he saw her figure moving around. She was safe. And Spirits, she was beautiful. It had been too long since he last looked upon her. 

Y/n pulled her hair from its bun, and Zuko remembered how it felt as it fell around him. She was wearing a masculine tunic, wide legged pants underneath, but they did nothing but show off how elegantly she moved. She shot a look out the window and Zuko froze. He was hidden in the shadows of an awning, but immediately felt as though her gaze cut through him. She didn't seem to notice, and gently set a flame in her small stove. She stood back, watching it burn, an expression of remorse clouding her beautiful features. She still felt guilty for bending. He probably hadn't helped with that. 

Soon he watched as she sat at the low table with a bowl of rice, a book in one hand. Iroh used to tease her about how she could never just sit and eat or enjoy her tea alone, she always needed to be reading something. Y/n was engrossed in it, often ending up with a bite of food suspended halfway from the bowl to her lip as her eyes flitted over the pages. He watched her with tenderness as her lips mouthed the words she read, and slowly smiled.

He tore his eyes away from her, hot shame making him turn red under the mask. She wasn't his to look at like that. He was here to make sure she didn't get hurt, not to hurt himself even more. 

As he looked towards the street he spied a large figure, stumbling around the corner. The man dragged his feet along, and Zuko swore he caught a whiff of alcohol on the wind, obviously drunk. The figure seemed to trip over his own feet, sprawling across the cobblestone, something shooting from his hand and clattering across the street. When the moon glinted off what he recognized as a blade, Zuko went cold. 

He moved down from the roof as silently as he could, hanging from the ledge before dropping to the ground. The man didn't seem to notice as Zuko stalked up to him, too busy quietly swearing to himself as he crawled forward to collect his knife. Before he could touch it, Zuko's foot came down hard on his hand. The scarred youth relished the crunch of bone. It had been a long time since he'd had a good fight. The man leaned his head back to howl and Zuko moved quickly, moving behind him and covering his mouth as he dragged him into a darkened side street. In the scuffle the man broke free, jabbing at Zuko with the knife he had somehow managed to grasp. The Prince deftly dodged it, knocking it out of the man's hand with his own sword. 

"Who the fuck are ya??" The man growled, pulling himself to his full height. The only thing that intimidated Zuko about him was the stench of his breath. 

"I asked, who the FUCK are ya?" The man yelled. This wouldn't do. It was late, but he seemed insistent on drawing as much attention as possible. He needed to draw him away from the houses.

Zuko lifted his mask, glaring at the man boldly. The drunkard gawked and then his eyes glinted with recognition. Zuko pulled the mask back down. 

"I wassh going to settle for the bitch tonight, but twooo fer one is always good." He slurred, lunging towards Zuko. Zuko turned around and ran, ensuring to keep just out of reach of the man's hands. Tempting the bull. Soon they were running up to a bridge that crossed a small stream. 

Zuko knew what he had to do. He stopped in the middle of the bridge, turning to watch the man run up to him. He was lumbering, out of breath but the rage in his eyes still burned. The anger seemed to have sobered him up a bit. 

"You cossst me a wife." He hissed into Zuko's face. " I haven' even sheen my brat yet, do you know how humiliating that iss? You and your bitch couldn' keep to your own business, now I'll fucking show you." He lunged towards Zuko, who grappled with him. The man's hands closed around his throat and Zuko let him push him up against the railing, throttling the air from him. The broken bones in the man's hand clicked in a repugnant way. But he seemed undeterred, unable to feel anything but the joy of pressing the wind from Zuko's neck. 

The man grinned, sensing the fight leaving his body. "Your knives will help me carve up your bitch, pretty boy." He spat, spittle hitting Zuko's mask. 

"You're never touching her." Zuko whispered before grabbing the man by the shoulders and flipping over the railing. The motion sent them spinning, and Zuko grabbed onto the handle before he followed the man into the water. There was a sickening crack as the man's skull made contact with the jagged rocks. Zuko pulled himself back onto the bridge, looking down at the still body. He had fallen faced down in the water, a stream of red snaking its way into the creek. 

Zuko waited for the remorse to grip his heart, for the guilt. But all he could feel was the fingers around his throat, and all he could think about was how this man would have crushed y/n. How he would have left her lifeless, surrounded by greenary and parchment. How he would have found his "brat" and probably done worse, infecting the child's life with toxicity that stank of cheap sake. He tried not to think about how the child would never know what they had been saved from. Zuko turned away from the body, sinking into the shadows. Fathers were overrated. 

He found himself at the bottom of her building after retracing his steps. He stared at the soft glow emanating from her window, it had dulled from before. 

The moon had begun it's descent, but Zuko still had time to begin his search. But he knew once he set down the street, that would be it. He looked down at the necklace he had fished out from his bag. The emerald looked so much like her eyes. His fingers tightened around it. He wasn't supposed to give it to her like this. 

He found himself reaching for the vines that grew along the the face of the apartment. They were sturdy enough to hold him. He went hand over hand, reaching the ledge. As slowly as he could he peered into the room. The fire had died down, casting the room in bronze. There she was, laying in the corner. Asleep. Her back to the window. He pulled himself in silently, crouching on the ledge. This was stupid, if someone saw him he'd be in huge trouble. But all he could do was stare at her sleeping form. 

He didn't expect their goodbye to be like this. He didn't know what he expected, but he had wanted to kiss her one last time. He didn't want to leave her hating him. But she did, and it was stupid. Leaving her a dumb trinket wasn't going to change anything, she hated him, she- 

Y/N rolled over in her sleep, turning to face him. He moved to drop from the window, but something stopped him. She was clutching a book in her hand, and the cherry blossoms on the cover seemed to call to him. His book. She fell asleep holding his book. 

Her hair had twisted over her face, a bramble she would need to comb out when she woke. He wanted to brush the hair away, to lay beside her with his face pressed to the back of her neck. To wake up to her and to do it all again the next day. 

He wanted to be normal, to not be setting off to betray the Avatar, to not side himself with his horrible father, to not be the prince. He didn't want to be Zuko. 

He wanted to be Lee. 

But that wasn't who he was. Lee wasn't the one who could help her people, Lee wasn't the one that could set his wrongs right. Lee couldn't make a better place for her. 

But Zuko could. 

He placed the necklace on her windowsill, hoping she would wear it. He turned to look at her, ignoring the prick of tears that bothered his golden eyes. Zuko drank her in, committing her face to memory. 

The next moment, he was gone. 

\--------------

You opened your eyes, staring at the space that the figure left behind. You had woken up the moment it crawled through your window, the fear cementing you to your bedroll. Were you about to be robbed? Killed? But they seemed to just stand there, stock still behind you. 

You rolled over, under the guise of sleep to observe them from behind your hair. You opened your eyes the tiniest bit, gaze hidden behind the curtain of your locks. You could only see lean legs wrapped in black cloth. They just stood there, staring at you for a few moments before you heard the soft clink of something being placed on your window sill. With a final pause, they climbed back out. 

You waited to the count of thirty before moving to the window, crouching low. What type of robber leaves something behind? Your eyes caught the glint of a necklace and you hesitantly reached out to touch it. It was beautiful... Why was this left behind? You stuck your head out the window, all caution gone, desperately looking for any sign of movement. But the street was empty, devoid of anything but the moonlight. 

You turned back, holding the necklace in your hand. The emerald was deep, a beautiful green that reminded you of Szeto's. It looked like... It looked like your mother's pin. You looked back out the window. 

You wondered if it was him. You had seen the flyers too, and knew the Avatar was nearby. You hoped, prayed for the first time in your life that he wouldn't do it. That he would realise how utterly fucked up it was. 

But you knew it would take more than just some harsh words from a stupid girl. You could only hope he found his way before it was too late. 

"Zuko..." You murmured, holding the pendant tightly in your hand. The edges cut into your skin, and you tried to ground yourself in the pain. 

You hoped this wasn't a goodbye. 

\- ---------------------

Zuko inhaled the steam from the hot cup. Iroh sat across from him, the ornate front doors of the tea house finally shut and the room silent. It had been extra crowded since news spread around of the new Firelord's visit. But Iroh hsd shut the place down early, and the guards chased away any stragglers. 

"You look good nephew, very healthy. Lordship has been treating you well." 

It had been a little under two years since Zuko had assumed the title. The weight of it felt heavy, and Zuko wondered if it ever got easier. But he smiled for his Uncle's sake. 

"Thank you. You know, I may be Emperor... But I can never get a cup of tea as good as this in the Capital." He sipped at the strong brew and watched as Iroh grinned. 

"Flattery, from Zuko? What have they done to you?" The old man shook his head. "You leave me alone in this city for just a few months and come back a different person!" 

Zuko rolled his eyes. "You were the one who decided to return to Ba Sing Se." Iroh had left the moment that Zuko had settled into his duties. Zuko knew he didn't have the same heart for the Fire Nation as he once did. The response to the once great Dragon was tepid now, same to it's new Lord. It seemed the nationalism bristled at how Zuko sought to give back the glory his ancestors had stripped away. He pushed the thoughts from his head, this wasn't the time to think about politics. This was the first time he was able to visit Ba Sing Se purely out of leisure and not need to quell diplomatic squabbles. 

"How has it been going? The Jasmine Dragon?" Zuko asked, taking a small rice ball from the porcelain plate. He savoured the sweet red bean filling. Iroh knew what complimented his tea well. 

"Wonderfully, business is booming! New faces every day, lots of Nobles and big, big money!" Iroh exclaimed, extending his arms wide. This made his stomach shake with mirth and Zuko bit back a laugh. He missed this. 

Suddenly the smile softened and Iroh held his cup tightly, a contemplative look in his eyes. "Familiar faces as well." 

"I've heard from Aang. He loves it here, so does Katara. And Toph wants to visit too, whenever she's done whatever she's off doing." Zuko reached over to take another ball. 

Iroh ran his finger around the edge of the cup. "I'm always happy to see your friends. But I was meaning someone else. Someone who was... Less of a friend, but more." 

Zuko's heart clenched. He had hoped as much. He knew he had no right to, but it didn't stop him. 

"Y/N." 

Iroh nodded. "Once, a few weeks ago." 

Zuko swallowed, unsure if he wanted the answer to his next question.

"Did she... Did she ask about me?" He felt like a child. A stupid lovestruck school kid. He caught himself. Love struck? He hadn't seen her in years. 

Iroh looked sheepish. "No... She didn't. We spoke for a while, mostly about the end of the war. You came up obviously, but never inquired." 

The tea went sour on his tongue, and the Zi Ma Qiu was too sweet to stomach. Zuko wiped his mouth, placing everything aside. 

Y/N. Sometimes, when he lay very still at night, he could remember the feel of her hand on his chest, or fingers in his hair. He tried as hard as he could to forget. After he went back to the fire Nation the first time, playing the role of prodigal son and ally in Azula's deceit, he told himself he was okay with never seeing her again. That decision filled him with shame. 

The first time he broached the subject of Guī to his father, Ozai bragged for hours. Zuko knew he would put himself in a precarious position advocating for the isle. A position he couldn't afford, with his newly attained honour. So Zuko remained a coward and bit his tongue. 

What good that did.

He found pieces of her wherever he went, whoever he spoke to. No matter how hard he threw himself into his journey, into his training with the Avatar, or spats with Katara, or planning for his family's downfall, y/n was the last thought before he slipped into sleep. He even found himself searching for emeralds in the seas that attended his coronation. 

"You should see her." Iroh's suggestion shocked Zuko out of his reverie. 

"She found out, you know. All those years ago. That Lee was a lie, that I lied to her for months." Zuko said softly, unable to meet his uncle's eyes. 

"I had guessed as much. But I still think you should see her." Iroh refilled Zuko's cup and the young man sighed. 

"She won't want to see me, Uncle." 

"You don't know that." Iroh sighed, reaching over to grab his nephew's hand. "You're not the same person she cared for, no. But you're not the person who lied to her either. You've grown, and you're doing so much. I've heard about your campaign with Guī. "

Zuko's first move as Fire Lord was the liberation of her home. There was outcry from his advisors, but he wouldn't hear it. He was ashamed of his cowardice before, and this was just the first step. He had yet to make the formal announcement of the island's independence, waiting until the transition was complete. The fire Nation fort torn down, soldiers gone, the rebuilding of the temple in accordance to their tradition. But soon it would be complete, and he would offer all further support in healing the scars that marred the face of the Isle and her people. 

Zuko was creating a Fire Nation that y/n wouldn't be ashamed to hail from. A Fire Nation that wasn't immediately associated with armies and fear. One that she could be proud of, the one that he knew existed in the hearts of his people. 

He didn't think she would ever join it, but at least it would exist, waiting for her. 

Iroh squeezed his hand. "You owe it to yourself. I know you want to see her too." A sly smile crossed the man's lips. "And I must say... She's even more beautiful than I remember." 

That's impossible, Zuko thought. 

"Where would I find her?" 

It was early evening when Zuko found the street.  
"Stay here. I'm going in alone." He instructed the guards. They gave each other uneasy glances but Zuko left them on the corner, his gaze locked onto the storefront. He slowed as he approached the doors, trying to calm his heart. He felt overdressed, like some self righteous peacock. That's how he normally felt in his Firelord robes, but even more so right now. 

He took a deep breath. Steeled himself for an immediate removal, a cursing out, a cold shoulder. And stepped in.

There wasn't a wall that wasn't covered in shelves, and shelves that weren't covered with books or scrolls. They reached as high as the ceiling, an organized chaos. 

He stepped further into the store. It was dusty, unsurprisingly. He reached out to stroke the spine of a large green book that stuck out, haphazardly placed back into its row. It felt right that this is where she was. He could see her touches everywhere. Plants stacked on top of piles, or teetering on the edge of shelves, hiding scrolls behind them. The free children's library beside the counter. That was smart. He wondered if he could install a few of those in the neighbourhoods that were falling behind in literacy rates. 

Out of the blue came a loud crash, and the sound of swearing. A figure appeared from the door behind the counter. 

"Sorry about that! Got some new inventory. We're technically closed but you can browse while I put these away." Her voice called out, still as melodic as the first time he heard it. 

She was there. Zuko couldn't see her face, blocked by a large stack of books she had balanced on her way from the backroom. She faced away from him, placing them on a nearby table and quickly slotting them into empty spots. He stared at the back of her, mouth agape. She hadn't seen him. 

Zuko felt butterflies. He'd always heard the saying, but had never understood it till now. Her hair was longer, falling almost to her knees. Half of it was a bun, stuck through with the emerald pin he remembered so fondly. She had grown taller as well, but not as much as he had. He stepped closer.

She was wearing a long pale green skirt, and had her tunic tucked into her waist. Over it fell a cream apron, tied in a perfect bow. He moved even closer. She stood up, her body stiff. She had noticed his proximity. 

"Is there anything you're looking for?" She asked, turning her head slightly. 

"I've found it." Zuko replied. 

He could see as she processed his voice, recognised it. She spun around, her eyes meeting his. He lost his breath at the sight of the deep green. 

He saw her staring at him, sitting in the old tea house as Iroh introduced himself. 

Looking at him from across the street, her eyes filled with hurt. 

The joy in them as she approached him by the fountain. 

Filled with tears as he left her that horrid morning.

And now, staring at him from a face that was at once so familiar, and so different. Wide with shock. 

"Zuko..." She breathed. He had dreamed of hearing her say his name. It sounded ethereal. The shapes her lips made, how it sounded in her soft accent. 

With a jolt that startled him, she dropped the book in her hand and bent into a low bow. "Forgive me, I mean Firelord." The softness in her voice was gone, replaced with a stony bite. "I don't mean to be familiar." 

Zuko felt himself turn red with embarrassment. "You know you don't need to do that. Y/N, please. You're not calling me Firelord."

She swiftly turned back around, returning to placing the books. Zuko noticed the tremble in her hands. 

"Iroh told you, then? That I visited." Her voice was indifferent still, but she grabbed the bookshelf for support. 

"Yes. I came the moment he told me."

Y/N turned around, her expression guarded as she stared back at him. "Why?" She couldn't hide the hitch in her voice, and bit her lip as she looked away. 

Zuko reached out, gently placing his hand on her arm. She stopped at his touch, staring at his fingers. 

"I wanted to see you. You look good, better than good... ." He murmured, removing his hand. She seemed to breathe easier when he did, but he saw a moment of regret in her eyes.

"You do too. You look... You really do look like a king." Her eyes went to the small fire crown atop his head and he touched it self consciously. 

"I'm still getting used to it. It doesn't... Feel like me yet. " Zuko admitted.

"It is your birthright. Your honour, your name." She replied sullenly, and Zuko knew she was parroting back his words. 

"I believed those things when I said them to you."  
Zuko inhaled deeply, fixing her with his gaze. "What I did to you was wrong, y/n. I was a scared stupid boy who was trying to please two contradictory things. And I let you get in the middle of that." She crossed her arms at this. "I didn't know the hold my father had on me for a long time. I knew, rationally I knew. After what we did to Ba Sing Se, after I went back to the fire Nation for the first time..." He trailed off, the guilt of helping conquer the city thick in his throat. 

"It was horrible here. " She spoke before he could continue. He couldn't look her in the eye. "I hated you. Ba Sing Se was wrong, but you took its wrongs and made it worse. The people here suffered. Day by day I saw the hope leave them, the spirit. Soon they looked like the people of Szeto's." There was anger in her voice and Zuko winced but remained silent. He deserved the full brunt of her ire. 

"But then... Then the rumours of the traitor prince started again. How he had taken the side of the Avatar. They tried to stop us talking..." He cringed at what that could mean. His sister had given little care to the treatment of the citizens. "And then Iroh came. He liberated us. I found out you were his friend, the Avatar's ally truly. The fight with your sister, your ascension to the throne." Her gaze voice was kinder now. 

She took a deep breath and walked over to the large wood desk that served as the counter, opening a drawer and pulling out a leather bound book. Zuko's heart stopped at the sight of the cherry blossoms. A mess of extra papers were pressed between its pages and he watched as she removed them. Hand written notes about the Avatar's progress, flyers denouncing the Fire Nation' hold on Ba Sing Se, a proclamation of his coronation. A small archive of a city gone through war, of it's quiet hope. She touched the pages reverently. She hadn't stopped thinking about him eirher. 

"I didn't think you would ever come back for me. And I was okay with that." Zuko opened his mouth to disagree but she shook her head. "Really, I was. Because I knew you were becoming someone good, that you weren't the man who promised me he would capture the Avatar for his own selfish gain." She closed the book. "You gave up your honour to save the world." She whispered and it was Zuko's turn to shake his head. 

"I never had it to begin with. I thought I did, it's what they told me. But I never knew true honour until I met Aang. They taught me, all of them. " He thought of the cerulean eyed siblings and the hardy Earth Bender. "And... I started listening to my uncle more." 

"He's a good man to listen to." 

"Don't let him hear you say that, his head has gotten big enough as is." She let out a small laugh that made his stomach flip. Zuko stepped closer to her. She didn't move away and he took the chance to rest his hand on her shoulder. Her hands lay on the book, stroking the cover with her thumb. 

"You kept it." He whispered and she looked at him, reproachful. 

"Of course I did. It was the first gift anyone ever gave me." 

Zuko moved his hand from her shoulder to rest over hers, her eyes closing at his touch. He didn't realise it was the first. 

"I'm letting Guī go." He spoke softly, letting the words hang in the air. Her eyes snapped open. 

"You're... You're what?" 

"All the soldiers are gone. We've contracted the people on the island to rebuild the temple and are paying them well, along with other things. It was one of the first things I di-" 

Her arms were around her neck and she was embracing him. He stood still for a moment before wrapping his arms back around her, clutching her to his chest. 

"I'm not going to patronize you for doing the right thing, because this *is* what you should be doing but... Thank you." She grasped the fabric on his back, twisting it as she buried her face against him. She caught herself, making to pull away. "I'm so- sorry I shouldn't be touching you like this." 

Zuko shook his head fiercely and pulled her tighter against him. She stiffened for a moment before relaxing into his arms. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head, trying to calm his breathing. "You got tall." she murmured against him and he smirked. 

"I wanted to come back sooner. But I didn't know if you would want to see me. If you would even care." He whispered into her hair. 

She pulled away and he let his arms fall empty. But his heart felt full, more full than he thought it ever could be. She smoothed her skirt, a blush colouring her cheeks pink. 

"You said earlier you hated me." She looked away, biting her lip. Zuko swallowed."Do you still?" He held his breath waiting for her answer. 

She considered him for a moment, her eyes searching his face. 

"I'm mad at you. You left without saying goodbye, Zuko. Even if you came back, you still abandoned me." Zuko's face fell, but he couldn't stop the rush of happiness that his name on her lips brought. He wondered if he would ever grow tired of it. If he would even get the chance to grow tired of it. 

"But no. I don't hate you." He smiled softly at this and she raised an eyebrow, making him wipe the smile into a solemn expression. 

"Give me a chance. To make it up to you." He offered his hand to her. "Because I swear on my life y/n, I won't lie to you ever again."

She stared at his hand blankly, chewing on her lower lip. The sounds of the city didn't seem to reach them, insulated by pages and ink. Zuko felt like the world was just them. She could have asked anything in that moment, and he would vow it to her. 

She raised her eyes to him, pushing back her hair from her face. 

"Take me to the Capital." Zuko couldn't have imagined sweeter words. She would come with him. "I want to find my father." Her tone was steady, and Zuko felt the expression on her face familiar. He nodded.

"I can help you with that." He shouldn't be too hard to find. A Capital noble. He may have fled after Ozai's departure but Zuko would help her. Finding parents was a cause dear to his heart. 

She turned away from him, and Zuko moved his hand back to his side, trying not to be disappointed. But he understood.

"I'll be leaving Ba Sing Se at the end of this week. You can come with me then, or I can send someone for you if you need more time." 

"I'll be ready by the end of the week. I'll have to tell Zhang, and make some arrangements." Her face was troubled but she caught his eye, a smile spread across her lips. Spirits. He missed her. 

"Thank you." She whispered and he nodded. She breathed out slowly, shaking her head as she leaned into the counter. "Wow. That is not how I expected this day to go." They looked at each other and laughed. It had been a while since Zuko had done that. 

"I need to finish closing up. " She said, guilty look at the stack of books half put away. 

Zuko stood still for a moment. He wanted to stay longer, to exist there with her. But he couldn't push it, not this fast. "I'll be staying at the king's residence. Please, come to me if you need anything. Or if you... If you just want to see me." He added, trying to contain the blush. Again, like a lovestruck child. 

"I'm to come calling upon the Fire Lord? How romantic?" The tease in her voice broke any chance Zuko had to control the red in his face. 

He walked towards the door. He took a final look behind him, and gazed back into her emerald eyes. 

"I look forward to seeing you again." 

Y/N smiled back. "I'm glad you came today. I'll see you soon." 

Zuko shut the door behind him, leaning back against it for a moment as he breathed. He walked back to his guards quickly, and they exchanged glances. 

"What?" He asked. One shook his head. 

"Nothing my lord. It's good to see you smile." 

Zuko realised he was beaming. He contorted his face into something more regal. "Dunno what you're talking about, let's get back." He tried to even his tone, but it wasn't working. 

He turned back one final time to look at the bookstore. 

That went well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Please feel free to leave feedback or edits! Don't have any beta readers so this is all me between university work :)


	7. A Boat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n leaves the city, and finds out something worrying.

She hadn't visited him. He waited every day, his eyes constantly darting to the window, jumping up at every announcement of a visitor. Hopeful that the door would open and he would be greeted by the green of her eyes, the soft pink of her lips curling into a smile. 

But it never was her. 

He tried to enjoy himself, spending every moment he could with his uncle, or accepting a dinner invite from the King. He even attended a play, and all he could remember was the one he had seen beside y/n. The city was full of reminders of her. Days passed and Zuko thought of her more and more, and his worry grew. 

And now he was readying to leave. He paced around the sitting room he had been utilizing as his receiving chambers. Around him servants had packed the last of his things, and he realised his carriage was ready. He stepped into the courtyard, the dragon moose looking up at him with dark eyes as they huffed their greetings. 

Iroh was beside them, rubbing one of their long snouts affectionately. He gave Zuko a warming smile, but Zuko couldn't bring himself to return it. 

"Do you think I should send someone to check the bookstore? Or go myself? Do you think she forgot it was today?" Zuko questioned, looking towards the archway that led to the streets. He had sent two attendants to her apartment hours ago, to help her bring her luggage. But they hadn't returned. Iroh shook his head. 

"She will come, nephew, don't you worry. You look like a young man afraid he's about to be stood up on his first date!" Iroh chuckled, making him roll his eyes. But he softened when the old man clasped his shoulder. 

"I wish you luck with finding her father. I wish I had been more concerned with Ozai's actions, and remembered his soldiers. That way I could help your grand gesture of love." Zuko scowled. 

"Don't say that, uncle. It's not like I'm doing this romantically, I just want t-" Zuko began, his voice rising before the doors of the gate opened. Zuko's heart stopped, and started reluctantly when he realised that it was the servants, returning empty handed. He rushed towards them as they lowered themselves into deep bows. 

"Where is she?" He demanded. He was terrified of the answer. Had she refused to come? Sent them away with a message of finality, that she had decided to-

"She is outside the gates, my Lord. Saying goodbye to her sister." Zuko reeled. Sister? Since when did she have a sister? Had they gone to the right apartment? The servant continued. "She also only has two bags, and she refused to allow us to carry them for her." There was a smile in his voice. Yes, that sounded like y/n. 

Zuko rushed to the gates, flinging them open and looking around the street. His eyes alighted on her figure, standing a few metres away. She was hugging another woman tightly, who was whispering in her ear. Zuko watched as Y/n pulled away, taking her hand and squeezing it. The woman nodded solemnly and they both looked down. He realised there was a child attached to y/n's leg, a little girl. Zuko was horrible with age, but guessed she was no older than three. Y/n scooped the child up easily, planting a kiss on her forehead. Did she... Did y/n have a daughter? Zuko scolded himself for the stupid thought. He was letting his worry over power his reason. 

He walked closer slowly, wanting to give them privacy but drawn to y/n in a way he couldn't stop. He halted a few steps away, and the little girl noticed him. Her bright eyes widened and she pointed to him excitedly, making y/n turn. 

"Prince!" The child gasped, clutching onto a lock of y/n's hair and making her wince. The woman chided the girl softly, and Zuko felt a pang of familiarity. Where did he recognize her from? 

"That's the Fire Lord, Mingyu. He hasn't been a prince for a while." Y/n spoke to the child gently, untangling her fingers from her hair. She met his gaze and nodded. Mingyu looked skeptical, shaking her head. 

"Prince." She insisted as y/n let her down, turning to face Zuko fully. Y/n bowed and the other quickly followed suit, her eyes never leaving Zuko's face. He hated the formality from Y/n, but returned it, bowing deeper than they had. Y/n raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on it. 

"Zuko, this is Qiao." Y/n introduced the woman, who stepped forward, her hands clasped in front of her. Zuko stared at her, recognition pushing at him stubbornly. He knew her, he knew her. He looked back at the girl. The set of her eyes, it was familiar too. So unlike who he guessed was her mother. 

"I never got the chance to thank you." Qiao murmured, dipping into another low bow. "I've been thanking Y/n for years, but..." Zuko started with shock. The woman from the tea house. He looked back at the child, a searing bite of shame making his head hurt. The woman grabbed his hand and Zuko realised how young she was, not much older than him. The shine in her eyes betrayed the tears she was trying to keep back. "You two saved me." She squeezed his hand, moving to dip into another bow before Zuko caught her shoulders, keeping her straight. 

"There's no thanks needed." He stammered, and Qiao smiled at him. "I was just following y/n's lead." Y/n looked away, reaching down to smooth the hair on Mingyu's head. The girl had pulled a book from her mother's bag and was sitting down, flipping through it with determination. 

"Please keep her safe for us, we'll be waiting for her return." Qiao requested, moving to pick up her daughter. Zuko's stomach twisted and he scrutinized y/n's face. She met his gaze, her expression impassive. He didn't know why he had assumed she would stay. Before he could dwell on the thought of her leaving, Mingyu let out a triumphant cry. She held her book up, pointing to an illustration that accompanied one of the stories. It was of a prince, sitting atop of an ostrich horse. Zuko couldn't deny that there was a strong resemblance. He stepped closer to look at it. 

"Prince." The girl stated smugly as y/n balked, moving to shut the book. 

"Oh, that's one of the pictures y/n drew isn't it?" Qiao commented airly, and Y/n glared at her.

"Traitor." She mumbled and Qiao smiled widely, giving Zuko a meaningful look. Zuko looked in earnest now, a smile spreading across his lips as he stopped y/n from shutting it. 

"I didn't know you were an artist, y/n." He said, trying to keep the teasing from his tone. 

"That's enough, book goes away now!" Y/n spoke loudly, snatching it away and pushing it into Qiao's bag. But Zuko had seen enough to make his day. 

Mingyu looked at him, and he could feel her eyes trace his scar. Self consciously he turned away. It figured that children would be disgusted by it, Zuko had been. But the young girl smiled widely. His mind's eye flashed back to those eyes set in her father's face, grinning as he strangled Zuko against the railing. 

"Roses. On your cheek. Got rose pedals." Mingyu stated firmly, pointing to his skin. Zuko flushed, and was sure his unmarred skin turned a similar colour. Mingyu smiled wider before hiding her face in her mother's neck. Qiao stroked the girl's back, laughing. 

"I'm sorry, my Lord. Ever since she started talking it's been hard to get her to stop." The mother apologised, and Zuko felt a pang in his heart. The obvious affection between the two, the adoration in the woman's voice.

"Don't be sorry. It's... Sweet." He replied and y/n smiled at him softly before turning to kiss the girl's head. 

"It's time for us to say goodbye though, give Auntie a kiss." She instructed and the child turned her arms to y/n, who planted a kiss on her forehead and offered her cheek which the child happily nuzzled. 

"Be good for mama, okay Moo? And make sure you read all the books I put in your room, okay? And if you want any more, Grampy Zhang will get you more, okay?" The girl giggled, patting y/n's cheek. Y/n kissed the palm of her hand before squeezing Qiao's shoulder. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Remember to water my plants! You can harvest the tomatoes soon, they should last you a while." Qiao nodded, rolling her eyes and gesturing to the two leather bags on the ground. 

"You worry enough about us. Go. Before the Fire Lord gets sick of waiting." She scolded as y/n grabbed the bags. Zuko stepped forward, taking the larger one from her despite her protests. She pouted slightly and Zuko lit up at this new expression he had never seen before. He wouldn't ever tire of waiting for her. He turned to bow to Qiao. 

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Lady Qiao and Princess Mingyu." The little girl gasped loudly and Y/n let out a soft laugh that delighted Zuko. "I hope to meet you again." Zuko smiled, winking at the child who beamed back at him. As he turned with y/n he heard Mingyu squeak excitedly. 

Y/n raised her eyebrows at him, a gentle smile playing on her lips. 

"What?" Zuko asked as they entered the courtyard. The footman rushed forward, his eyes wide at the sight of the Fire Lord carrying luggage, but Zuko shook his head discreetly. 

"Nothing. You're just good with kids. That's surprising to see." She said, hoisting her bag to the compartment at the back. The footman watched her suspiciously and Zuko had to bite back a laugh.

"It surprised me too. I don't interact with children often." He admitted. 

Y/n turned to say something but stopped as Iroh stepped out of the doors of the guest house. "Ah, so she arrives!" 

"Hello, Iroh!" She replied, grinning at him. She stroked a strand of hair behind her ear as she watched him descend the stairs and Zuko felt his heart hurt at how easily beautiful she was. "Why, was Zuko worried I wouldn't come?" She questioned, turning those emerald eyes to him. Zuko looked away, incredibly interested in the intricate carvings on the side of the house. 

"Oh, not at all. Our Zuko isn't much of a worrier, you know." Iroh teased, eliciting a smirk from y/n. 

"I wouldn't know." She said simply, before bowing to the older man. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting though." 

"We should get going. I'll see you soon, uncle?" Zuko asked, walking forward to embrace the old man firmly. Iroh patted his back, pulling Zuko down to whisper in his ear. 

"You have your hands full, nephew. Safe travels." Iroh pinched Zuko's cheek, pulling away before the youth could complain. He clasped y/n's hands. She smiled sweetly at him, but Zuko noticed how she stiffened. "I hope you find what you're looking for, dear. Just remember that these journeys may not always lead to fulfilment." Y/n nodded somberly. 

"Thank you. I've... I've thought about that. I'm not going in with any expectations. Just hope." Iroh squeezed her hands in response before they turned and left. 

Zuko opened the door himself, much to the chagrin of the attendants. He held his hand out to Y/n, meaning to help her up but she brushed past it, grabbing the handle and pulling herself. Zuko looked back at Iroh who was stifling a laugh. With a dark look Zuko stepped in himself, taking a seat across from her. 

With a lurch the carriage set off and y/n peered out the small window. They passed by Qiao and Mingyu, who waved excitedly. Y/n waved back, blowing a kiss. Her eyes were full of affection. and Zuko took a moment to admire her. He wondered how she had found them. If it was the father's death that pushed her to help. Did she know that it was him?

The carriage lurched over a pothole and y/n jumped, her emerald eye blinking rapidly in surprise. Spirits, he had missed her. Not just these past days, but the years they had spent apart. He hadn't realised how brightly the torch he carried for her had burned. But looking at her now there was no denying it.

She turned to face him and he suppressed the urge to look away. He met her eyes, trying to read the wealth of emotion within them. 

"I'm sorry for not visiting, or sending word. There was a lot more that I had to take care of than I realised. " She broke the silence, looking down into her lap and fidgeting with the deep green cotton of her tunic. 

"You don't have to apologise." Zuko cleared his throat, relief making him warm. 

"How long will it take? To reach the Capital?" She asked, looking back out the window and observing the city as it passed by. There was a touch of worry in her gaze and Zuko wanted to reach over, to touch her cheek and assure her. 

"It's about a day's ride to the inlet, then we'll take a ship to the island. In all about 2 days." Two days of sitting in close quarters with her. He felt the brush of her knee against his as she shifted to lean her head against the window. They were quiet for a long stretch of time. 

"What is it like? Being the Fire Lord." She broke the silence and Zuko was grateful. 

"It's great. Getting to serve my nation, restoring balance with the Avatar. Making the Fire Nation an ally instead of an enemy, bringing true honour to us..." Zuko gave the same canned responses he had rattled over time and time again. But when he looked into y/n's eyes, something about the royal facade broke. "It's hard. The hardest thing I've ever done." Her eyes softened and she nodded. 

"It's a huge responsibility. A lot for one person." She murmured. 

"I'm not alone, not exactly. I have my advisors, and if I really need help I could always ask Aang or Iroh but..." He sighed. "I'm afraid of not doing enough, but then people tell me I'm doing too much."

He felt a soft touch on his knee and his eyes shot up. Y/n was giving him a small, sad smile. 

"You did look tired, at the store. I hope you got some rest." The concern in her voice was soft, and Zuko reached forward, resting his fingers over hers. She stared at the touch for a few moments, her eyes inscrutable before moving back, staring out the window with a contemplative expression. Zuko watched her hand as she pulled it away, missing the feel already. 

"How has it been for you? Still working for Zhang?" She looked at him sharply, and he could see the question in her eyes. 

"He did the right thing. I'm happy you had someone like that watching out for you." Zuko had grown past his resentment of the old librarian. That was another person Zuko would have to make amends to. He doubted that the man would accept his old position back, but perhaps Zuko could find some other way. The Fire Lord lost himself in his thoughts for a moment. 

"I did keep working for him. After the occupation, we started helping the resistance. Circulating flyers for meetings, helping organize and stuff." Zuko looked at her with open admiration and she flushed prettily. 

"That's brave of you." He murmured and she shrugged. 

"I needed to help." She said simply and Zuko nodded. He was glad her drive to help hadn’t gotten her in trouble where he couldn’t help her. He had been terrified that he would return to Ba Sing Se and find an empty space where she should have been. 

The conversation was soft as they caught up. Zuko described his journey, and enjoyed the way y/n stared at him wide eyed and encouraged him on for more details. She really did love stories. She was enraptured by his descriptions of the Avatar. It felt good to pour out his love for his friends. 

Soon they were at the docks, and y/n allowed him to help her down from the carriage. She stared up at the imposing grey ship, biting her lower lip. 

"Looks just like the ones around Szte- Guī. The ones that were around there." She gave Zuko a smile and Zuko felt his heart almost burst from his chest.

She inhaled deeply, turning to look at the direction where they had came. She was still for a moment, her eyes wistful. With a sigh she turned back around and purposefully marched towards the boat, making Zuko start and rush after her. 

\------------- 

You enjoyed boats, more than you remembered. It was helpful that this one was crafted expertly, and cut through the water with ease. Better than the rickety merchant ship you had taken from Guī to the mainland. 

You stood at the prow, leaning against the tall spike it reached into. The sun was setting over the horizon, and your stomach was full with a delicious dinner. Zuko had apologised for its simplicity and you had almost laughed in his face. 

He had watched you as you ate, pretending not to. But you could pick the feel of his gaze from a crowd of a hundred. It was like being touched by a ray of sunshine, making you feel warm and heady. But it filled you with a confusion you struggled to clear yourself from. . 

You pressed your forehead to the cool metal, teeth glancing over your bottom lip. Zuko. You didn't know how to act around him. He was your Lord, your king, the Emperor. Powerful enough to free your home. 

But when he looked at you he was Lee again. All soft eyes and hard lines. Who was stoic, quiet, holding his thoughts and emotions tightly to his chest. But when he'd open up, he would blossom. 

More refined now, in some ways. He acted like royalty well enough. But somehow, he felt even more lonely. You could hear the sadness in his voice as he recounted stories about his friends. The loyalty and love as well. How differently he spoke about the Avatar now. 

Before you could muse more, you heard footsteps behind you. You turned to watch two soldiers begin lighting the lamps that circled the deck, using quick punches of fire. Fire Bending. You hadn't seen it in a long time. Ever since the Fire Nation had taken control of Ba Sing Se, you had sworn off your bending. It felt like smothering a limb, but you couldn't bring yourself to use the element that connected you with them. 

And now you were going to find your father. The thought filled you with dread and apprehension. You wondered if you were making the right decision. You weren't even sure of what you would find, what you would say to him. For years your anger towards him and simmered, concentrating to a thick tar that coated your throat when you imagined his face. But now you felt nothing but fear. 

A figure approached you in the falling darkness, pulling you from your thoughts Zuko. He held a cloak in his hands, and offered it to you as he stopped beside you. 

"It'll get cold once the sun falls. You'll need this, if you want to stay on deck." You nodded, taking it as you looked back towards the now burning lanterns. Zuko followed your gaze. 

"Have you practiced your bending?" He asked and you shook your head. "I guessed as much." 

"Yeah, surprisingly my fellow citizens wouldn't be too happy if they found out." You sighed, turning and leaning on the railing. The sun was almost completely gone and the sky looked the colour of wine. Zuko rested beside you. 

"I could teach you." He whispered and you looked at him. He was standing close, your elbows brushing. "I have been a pretty successful tutor." He said nonchalantly and you let out a laugh. 

You stared down at your hands for a moment, tensing them into fists. When would you get a better chance? You couldn't deny your bending forever. You thought of your father again. Perhaps you'd challenge him to an Agni Kai. The thought gave you a sick sense of satisfaction. 

You pushed away from the railing, striding into the middle of the deck. "Okay. Teach me." 

Zuko followed you into the middle. He faced you, squaring his shoulders and you followed suit. 

"The basis for your fire is your breath." He said, his tone steady and proud. There was a look in his eye you didn't recognize. 

"You pull your power from your breath. Your heat. Your flame. All from the breath. Inhale like so." Zuko inhaled through his nose deeply and you could see the air fill his body. He exhaled, sliding out his left foot and moving his hands to what you recognized as a bending stance. You mimicked it, breathing in through your nose until your body felt full, and exhaling as you moved your limbs fluidly. Zuko nodded his approval but reached for you. His hands stopped, hovering inches away. 

"Do you mind? If I adjust you." He asked, his golden eyes flashing in the light of the lamps. You swallowed, nodding. His touch was firm but gentle, guiding your elbows higher, his foot sliding between your legs to push your heel forward. Finally he moved in front of you, reaching out to touch your chin and lift your head. You stared straight and could see his lips curl into a smile that he quickly suppressed. 

"There. Now stand up straight then start again." He instructed, and so you did. You repeated the movement, focusing on your breath, as Zuko added more piece by piece. His hair was long, and it floated lazily in the breeze. It distracted you more than you liked to admit. 

"You're doing amazing. Your form is really good." His praise seemed genuine and you tried not to blush. "Now, repeat the last movement. But faster, let your breath come out with your fist like a snap, let the fire follow." You nodded, excitement brewing in the pit of your stomach. With a sharp exhale you punched your fist forward, pulling the fire from the pit of your stomach. The fire that you hadn't felt in a very long time, the fire that you had fought to contain most of your life. Finally, you could free it. 

But nothing came. 

You tried again. Nothing. 

"It's okay, you're put on the spot. Just get out whatever flame you can, however you can." His tone was comforting but you could feel everyone on deck looking at you. You stood straight, snapping your fingers like you used to. 

Nothing. 

Your frustration and fear were growing and you looked at Zuko helplessly before looking at the soldiers on deck. Zuko noticed and turned to them. 

"You may go below now, men." The soldiers bowed quickly before hurrying off deck. 

You were alone now and began to try in earnest. Snapping, flinging your hands. But no flames, not even a spark. You fought back the tears that threatened your sight. You were on your way to the Fire Nation, finally to the place where you could bend freely. You were about to search for the man who gave you this bending, the only thing he had ever given you. And you lost it. You collapsed to your knees, frustrated. 

"I can't." You whispered through gritted teeth, letting your arms fall useless at your side as you moved to sit cross legged on the cold deck. Zuko was watching you, his eyes full of sympathy. You hated it, turning away so he wouldn't see the anger in your face. "I can't remember the last time I did it. But I just can't anymore."

"We can try again some other time. You haven't bended in a while, years even. It's okay to be rusty." He comforted you, stepping closer and sitting down beside you. You both faced the prow of the ship. A bright star balanced precariously on the horn. 

"There's nothing to be rusty. I just feel like there's nothing in me." You looked at your hands, feeling them traitors. Zuko touched your elbow softly. 

"We can try again. You'll do it y/n, I know you will. You know, I lost my bending too for a little while there." He admitted, and you raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Seriously, I did. Right after I offered to teach Aang too. I used to bend from rage, from just... Pure anger." 

"Yeah... That does sound like you." You said softly and he nodded good naturedly. "And then what?" 

"But I learned to draw from another source. That there was a brighter fire in me, one to balance the world. So I use that now. We just have to find your fire." He gave you a comforting smile and you wished you could return it. You leaned back on your hands, sighing as you looked up at the sky. It was awash with stars, no cloud in sight. At least the world was beautiful. Zuko leaned back as well, gazing up with you. 

You were both quiet for a few moments. It was a more amicable quiet than the one that had settled in the carriage. It felt more like the quiet you had shared with Lee. 

"You're a good teacher." You said and his head snapped towards you. He smiled widely and you grinned to yourself. 

"You're a good student." He whispered, and you felt how close his hand was to yours.

Against your better judgement you allowed your fingers to inch forward until they rested over top of his. You had told yourself to hold back, that he wasn't the tea shop worker that you could love anymore. That he was a liar, as well as king. 

But he was trying for you. And you had denied your heart so much. 

He looked at you as you touched his hand, his eyes wide. Before you could pull away and apologise he threaded his fingers through yours, turning back to the sky. The light of the stars made him glow, and glinted off the crown in his ebony hair that reminded you of who he was.

But for right now, you held his hand and watched the heavens.


	8. A Bomb

You could have stared out the porthole for hours. It was breathtaking. The way the early morning sun bounced off the waves, making them look like cascades of diamonds sweeping over each other. You couldn’t remember a view as pretty as this.

Well, you could. But you didn’t want to. You had left that view on a boat much more rickety than this.

You were surprised to see Zuko already on deck, seated comfortably beside his soldiers. He was deep in conversation and you stood for a moment inside of the doorway, watching him. The shadows under his eyes seemed a permanent landmark. But his gaze was alert and direct, listening intently to the guard.

A shaft of sunlight illuminated him, the unabashed crimson and plum scar stark against his pale skin. Something about it was wildly beautiful. The glint of his crown caught your eye and you swallowed. That was the Fire Lord, you had to remind yourself. There was nothing wild about him. He seemed to have felt your eyes on him and turned to face you.

Spirits.

He still smiled like Lee did. As though he was imparting a secret gift. He stood up quickly, gesturing to his now empty seat. The soldiers exchanged glances and stood quickly, making themselves busy. You had a feeling their ears would be focused on you though.

“Good morning, y/n. I brought the table out here so we could enjoy the good weather. Can I get you some tea?” Your head spun from the dejavu. r.

“No. I’m good, thank you.” You replied, taking a seat on the cushion. He looked disappointed, and you bit your lip. You were ready to take it back, a part of you at least. 

This was safer, keeping him at arm’s length. You just had to get through this boat ride and then you could shove these pesky feelings to the back of your mind. Matters of the heart weren’t useful right now. You wondered if they ever had been.

“How are you feeling, now that we’re getting closer?” Zuko asked, shifting to face you. You stared into the grain of the wood, willing shapes and scenes in its lines to distract yourself from the stray lock of hair that brushed over his elegant cheekbone. The wind played with it in ways you dreamt of.

“Weird. Very weird. Apprehensive. I think is the best word.” You admitted, chewing on your lower lip. Zuko nodded, his eyes sliding to your mouth and watching it curiously. You stilled, feeling that familiar blush creep up your cheeks. But he looked on. You self consciously rubbed a hand over your lips, looking away.

“So uh… How long until we get there?”

Zuko seemed to realise how hard he was staring and looked back at his tea, swallowing. “By this time tomorrow hopefully.”

You inclined your head, your thumb stroking against your own lip as you stared off into the distance, where you expected to see the island rise from.

“I understand why you’re nervous. I would be too.” He reached across the table, his fingers a breath from yours. “You’ll be okay though. I’ll be there with you, help you every step of the way.”

Your eyes shot up to meet his. “O-oh.. I didn’t expect that, I just wanted you to take me to the Fire Nation. You really don’t need to concern yourself with it, Zuko. I’m sure there are more pressing matters worthy of a Lord.” His fingers brushed over yours, stealing the protests from your throat.

“I want to. If you’ll have me, let me help you properly.” There was that earnest sincerity. “I can offer you an apartment in the palace, take you to the archives and the library.”

It was more than you could have hoped. With his help you’d be able to find your father much faster.

But spending more time with him would further the knots in your heart, tie you tighter to him.

“Yes. Of course.” You responded finally and you saw him beam. Behind him one of the soldiers seemed to sigh with relief and another nudged him. You bit back a laugh.

“So… You’re very close with your men.” You asked, tracing circles on the table. Both of the armoured men stiffened and Zuko looked over his shoulder, grinning. The movement pushed his hand further over yours and you took a moment to truly feel him. The callouses on his palms, the scars the traced his fingers. Not the hand of a soft king, but of a man who had fought. Fought for the right things.

Your other hand came forward to trace a scar on his knuckle, making him start and look back to you. Your heart was was singing and he was gazing at you as though you had given him the world.

Zuko’s lips parted and you leaned forward into his words. But the only thing you heard was sudden tearing of metal, and the sensation of the air turning acrid and hot.

And then came the boom.

The loud eruption seemed to over take every sense, sending you careening. You didn’t even realise that you had been blasted from the boat until your body hit the water.

Then you were under, sinking slowly and watching a column of bubbles point you in the direction of the sky. It was so peaceful here, surrounded by the cold currents. Your limbs felt sluggish, your gaze darkened.

Some of the villagers say that this is how your mother died, that she hadn’t left upon a boat. That the sea had taken her, and she floated away from you in this same mournful peace.

How befitting that you fall to the same.

No.

You thrashed for a moment, trying to remember the feeling of your limbs. Your mother hadn’t drowned, and neither would you. That would be too easy for your father.

The impact had knocked the breath from your lungs, and your body began to scream in alarm. With a guttural choke you began to kick, propelling yourself to the surface as fast as possible. You broke and inhaled, a raspy desperate thing that hurt in its relief.

But air, sweet air. You would have savoured it longer, if it weren’t for the burning wreck that loomed over you.

The ship was ablaze, a mangled creature of torn metal and yells. The fire made your heart stop but even as you watched the flames slowly pulled back, quickly being tamed by the benders on board. You watched as one below the deck began to patch one of the larger holes, pressing a stray piece of metal against the side and soldering it with a flame from his hand. Even thirty seconds after impact they seemed to be in control. Without input from their Firelord-

At the thought of Zuko you whipped around. You couldn’t see his figure on the ship. Your eyes scanned the water. Soldiers that were unlucky enough to be flung off clung to pieces of wreckage desperately, their armor threatening to pull them under. Most had thrown off their helms and were helping those nearby their their chest plates.

You thought back to Zuko, the expanse of his pauldron.

A glint in the water, more gold than the silver of the waves, caught your eye. His crown.

“The Firelord-!” You screamed, making the soldiers closest to you turn with faces of horror. With a deep breath you pulled yourself under the surface, keeping your eyes open as you swam in the direction you had seen his crown.

All you could hear was the sound of your heart beat. It was an angry pounding thing, demanding reprieve, demanding sight of him. You reached where you had seen the Crown, and scoured the waters underneath it. You couldn’t see, there was nothing but seaweed and- a pale trail of blood.

The air ran out and you propelled yourself to the surface again, gasping for breath.

“Here!! He’s here!!” You yelled before inhaling and going back under. You found the thin line of blood again and followed it, praying it was him. Your eyes locked onto him, his body unnaturally still.

He looked so peaceful. Skin tinged blue, lips slightly parted. A gash upon his forehead. Around you more bodies dropped thorough the surface and you sped up.

He felt like a part of the water when you grabbed him. equally as cold. Your arms wrapped around his chest, the heavy plates of his armor pressing into your flesh. You began to pull him, your body crying out in indignation.

You pushed higher and higher with him tightly held into your arms, legs kicking desperately. He was heavy, that Spirit damned gold. If anything would end him it would be the fire Nation pomp. But you wouldn’t allow it. You struggled, kicking desperately. Currents caught you and swept you back and forth, threatening to rip Zuko away. But you held onto him through it.

More hand joined you as you got closer to the surface, and you were thankful. Your vision had gotten darker, your lungs feeling shrivelled and aflame. You barely had enough energy to inhale.

But you didn’t let go until Zuko’s head was above water. You watched as his soldiers pulled him onto a smaller boat, a life raft. Once he was safely upon it, you let unconsciousness begin to pull you into the merciful dark. Within moments the hands were upon you, pulling you upon the raft and next to the body of your king. The last sight before your eyes fluttered closed was of the profile of his face, lips parted slightly. Still. So still.

You awoke to the sound of voices. The lushness of the bed under you was unfamiliar. The scent of ginseng and Chrysanthemums. But the voices, the voices pulled you from the dark pool of your mind.

You had been dreaming of drowning in foliage with the press of armor against your back. Your mother had stood upon a burning wreckage and you begged her not to jump, but your father’s life raft was disappearing into the distance and she had no other choice and she had no other way and she-

With a gasp your eyes shot open, hands scrabbling at the sheets, screams pushing their way from the pits of your stomach. They startled the young woman who stood beside your bed, making her jump before she moved quickly to you, pressing gently on your shoulders.

“Hey-,Hey!! It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re in the palace. You’re being taken care of. Lay down, you have a broken rib. I managed to heal most of it but there may be shards in there still. You don’t want to cut anything open.”

Soft brown hands were upon you, their touch firm as you were pushed back against the pillow. You looked up at the figure and were greeted by azure eyes and a kind smile.

“Z-zu…” Your voice was hoarse and raspy from under use. You could barely speak.

“Zuko is fine. He’s resting too. Aang just left to check on him.” The young woman replied, turning to grab a cup of water set on the nearby table. She pressed it to your lips and you drank gratefully, the grip on your heart slowly unclenching. “Thank the Spirits that Aang and I were here. We didn’t realise Zuko had left, and Aang didn’t want to wait but I…” She trailed off as she took the cup from your lips and placed it back. “I had a feeling that we needed to.” She held the cup for a moment longer, her grip tight, and you felt the threat of breaking porcelain.

“Was anyone hurt?” You whispered, and the young woman’s expression darkened. She let go of the cup, choosing into to dig her nails into the palm of her hand.

“A couple of Zuko’s men. Good men. We recovered the body of one but…” She ran a hand over her eyes, taking a quiet breath. “The other one was in the engine room, where the bomb had been set. They’re saying it was an assassination attempt.”

It was a word you had never heard out loud before. Only ever painted on the pages of faraway books, as intangible of a concept as any. To hear it now made it feel heavy, deep with grief and violence.

“Assassin.” You repeated, your tone soft.

The healer nodded, her face pensive. “We thought that the attempts on Zuko’s life were over. We should have known better.”

The cool grasp of fear trailed itself across your heart, and made it even more hard to breathe. Or it might have been the sharp pain in your rib cage, making you wince and the young woman move to her feet.

“Here, let me help. I know Aang wanted to try but I think it’s better for you if we just get it fixed up nice and quick, right?” She pulled an orb of water from the pouch at her waist and it glowed a beautiful blue.

Aang. The name swam through your foggy head, sounding familiar. An old poet? A character from a book? No. Something more real, more recent more…

Oh.

You gasped loudly and the woman jolted, stopping the movement of the water. “Are you okay, did it hurt?” She asked and you stared at her in shock. “What’s wrong?” She asked, returning your gaze with confusion.

“You’re Katara!” You blurted loudly, doubling over at another stab of pain. She clapped a hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh before pressing you back into the pillows.

“Yes, I am.” Katara grinned and you felt even more foggy with the sensation of the water seeping through your torso. You felt like a waterlogged plant.

“The one who defeated Azula… You founded a hospital a couple months ago. I read it in a newspaper. ” You murmured, mostly to yourself. Katara beamed, shrugging slightly.

“That means… Oh. The Avatar.” Your voice was slurred a bit now and you tried to ignore the sensation of your rib knitting itself back together. Katara bit back another laugh and nodded again before her expression turned to one of concentration. 

“I heard you were the one who fished him out.” She commented as the water began to slowly seep out of your torso, leaving a feel of cool calm behind.

“Can I see him?” You asked when she pulled away. You felt stronger now, less like you were falling to pieces. Katara pursed her lips.

“I’m sorry, Y/n but you need to rest. It’s not good for either of you to be up so so-” before she could finish the door flew open and a figure lurched in, followed closely by another.

The second figure groaned, and you watched as his hand rubbed against a bright blue arrow tattooed upon his skull.

“Look, I told you Katara would be in here. Now you’ll really be in trouble.” The Avatar grumbled. His stone eyes were playful, and they lit up when he noticed you were awake. You tore your eyes away from him to stare at Zuko who was moving across the room quickly.

“Y/n,” he choked out. “I’m so f*cking glad you’re okay.” He stumbled at the foot of your bed and Katara grabbed him, steadying him by the arm.

“When did you wake up? Aang, why isn’t he in bed?” She scolded him, moving to pull him back. Zuko brushed her hand off and sat on the edge of your bed. His arm was in a sling, and a bandage wrapped around his forehead. “You have a concussion Mister Firelord, you’re making things harder for yourself. And me. I’ll just stop healing at some point.” Aang moved beside her, his face sheepish.

“Sorry, I really tried.” The young monk murmured, his gaze on Zuko’s face. “But the moment his eyes opened he was fighting to get here. I threatened to earth bend the door closed and he asked if I wanted matching scars.”

“Are you hurt?” Zuko asked, his voice hoarse as he reached out to touch your face. His eyes scoured the limbs that were visible, and you could see the mounting worry.

“No, at least I don’t think so.” You replied, shooting a questioning glance at Katara. The waterbender nodded.

“She’s fine Zuko, you know Katara would never let anything happen to the girl you l-” Katara shoved a sharp elbow into Aang’s side and he started, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Your friend.” He finished with a squeak.

“You should be in bed though, look at you. More bandaged up than I am.” You reached forward to gently rest the tips of your fingers against his forehead, feeling the cloth of the wrap. Zuko’s eyes fluttered closed.

“I needed to see you. If I had known something like that would have happened, I would never have put you on that boat. I’m so sorry y/n.” The self hatred and anger was evident in his voice. You shook your head despite your neck’s protests.

“You couldn’t have known.” You whispered.

“That’s not an excuse for failing to protect you.” He whispered back, his voice low. You reached forward tentatively, placing your fingers underneath his chin and raising his face to meet your eyes. When he looked at you, those amber pools filled with fire, you smiled. Flashes of blue tinged lips and sea weed wrapped limbs moved eerily in your mind, but those didn’t matter. He was okay.

“You didn’t fail anything.” You replied and he returned the smile. From behind him Aang coughed and you were at once reminded that no, you were not alone. That the Avatar, of all people was here.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us, Zuko?” Aang asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Katara smiled at you, winking.

“She already recognized me, actually.”

Aang’s grin widened and he stepped forward, bowing deeply. You inclined your head, star struck. “I’m Aang, but I think you know that.” You expected a tad more humility from a monk, but his smile was as pure as a child’s. You understood now, how he had turned the world on its head.

Thank the Spirits that Zuko failed.

“I well, um… It’s amazing to meet you. I should be thanking you, both of you. Not just for healing and taking care,”

“For keeping Zuko safe while he was with us?” Aang offered and Katara jabbed him again, fighting back a laugh. Zuko rolled his eyes, exasperation obvious.

“Well, for saving the world but yes. That too, I guess.” Zuko looked at his hands, and you noted a slight blush.

“I need to thank you too, y/n. Aang said you were the one who pulled me out.” His gaze was hot on you again, bearing into your soul. Zuko’s voice dropped to a whisper. “How many times do you think we’ll go back and forth like this?”

You bit back a laugh and shrugged, ignoring the soreness the movement brought. “As many as it takes. And anyway, I’m beating you. Gotta give you a chance to catch up.” You teased him, and watched as his smile grew more stiff. His eyes flashed with something.

Guilt?

“Okay, okay this is sweet and all but seriously. Zuko, bed.” Katara’s voice cut through the soft moment, but your mind lingered.

“O-oh! Maybe we can put Zuko into Y/n’s bed, that’ll heal him up real quick.” Zuko inhaled sharply and stood up, grabbing Aang’s arm. The younger man laughed loudly, supporting the weakened king to the door. They stopped at the entrance, Zuko giving you a final smile. Aang waved over his shoulder at you. “I’ll see you later y/n!” He crowed.

The room felt colder. 

Katara sighed, turning back to you and sending her braids swinging. “Aang’s a bit much sometimes, but he means well. He’s just… Excited. For Zuko.” She sat on the edge of the bed and smiled kindly at you. You decided you liked her.

“I uh, am not quite sure why. But it’s sweet.” You admitted, pulling at the hair behind your ear. Katara raised an elegant eyebrow and you at once felt self conscious.

You did know, didn’t you? You felt it as purely as you felt the ache in your ribs. But you weren’t here for Zuko, you couldn’t be.

Katara’s bed rest didn’t last long. By the next morning Zuko was in your room again, pressing you for requests. Offering you drinks, fruits, whatever could peak your fancy. When he realised you’d deny each one, he began sending for books.

He insisted on moving you to a more lavish room, one that bordered his personal apartments. You didn’t leave apartments often, made uncomfortable by the prying eyes of the court, the questions asked in sour tones. You didn’t mind it, the rooms were beautiful and safe.

The only royal you cared about was him. His gaze, his voice. How he wore his bandages like pieces of his uniform, defiant in the face of those that that sought to hurt him. You chided him for getting back on his feet too fast, earning Katara’s approval. But he has a Kingdom he was sworn to, even if parts of it sought his death. 

And he had funerals to attend.

Despite his schedule, he spent every evening with you, forgoing dinners with politicians and ambassadors in favour of intimate meals with you, Aang and Katara. You loved them, even if a part of you felt homesick for Ba Sing Se and small meals shared with Qiao and Mingyu. But Katara’s kindness was a balm, healing as many of her actions were. You felt as though she was a sincere friend, and she happily confided that Zuko had expected she would like you. And you adored the way Aang pulled laughter from the stoic Fire Lord, and from you. 

The young bending couple had retired early tonight, leaving the two of you to watch the disappearing sun from the balcony.

“How are you? Truly, how are you?” He asked, his voice slipping against you like soft silk. 

“Restless. I just want to start looking for my father, that’s all.” You murmured. The city spread itself in front of you, teeming with reds and blacks. Sharp buildings, the volcano’s embrace peering overtop them all. You wondered if he was out there, in one of those beautiful homes. 

His eyes searched your face carefully. “It’s a large country, but we’ll find him. I can ask my court nobles and advisors…” He offered and you shook your head. You didn’t want him knowing someone was looking for him. It pleased you to be a surprise, a shock. Zuko nodded with understanding. “He was close to my father, records will have him. I doubt he’ll be too fond of me but…” Zuko shrugged. “Doesn’t seem like many people are.”

Your heart chilled as it did every time you thought of the explosion. You stared at the emperor beside you, his somber expression. His gilded eyes.

Even when he had left you knew his existence was a constant out in the world. The thought of it snuffed out in a political squabble made your stomach hurt. You swallowed the desire to reach out and grasp him, to hold him to you and make him promise that he’d always burn bright enough to blind you.

But you turned away instead. “Shall we go to the library then, tomorrow?”

“Of course. I’ll clear my schedule-”

You turned back, waving a hand and shaking your head. “Oh, no! It’s okay, I can go myself. If you just send word-” his hand closed around your wrist, holding it gently as he smiled at you. The setting sun painted him tangerine and made his eyes look like honey.

“I told you, I’ll be with you ever step of the way.” He let go of your hand, moving his to rub the back of his neck. He looked back over the city, his city. “I’d do a lot for you, y/n. This is the least of it.” He said softly, half to himself. You bit back a smile, returning to admiring the city. 

The moment you entered the Grand Library, you knew it would be your favourite place in the palace. The rest of it, that you had seen at least, was grand but in a way that seemed untouchable. You were afraid of moving too fast in case you rustled the decorative scrolls that lined the walls, or knocked into a vase that was worth money than you could imagine.

But here, in this room of parchment and ink, of pages gone long untouched, of treasured words and stories… Here you were welcomed graciously. You let out a soft gasp, breaking away from Zuko to wander open mouthed to the centre of the room. No wonder Zhang had loved this place. Rows and rows of small compartments held delicate scrolls, maps spread upon tables of dark wood. Solemn keepers casted wary glances to this bright faced woman who had disrupted their quiet routine. But the Fire Lord stepped beside her, an expression of quiet adoration painting his normally stony face soft, and they understood.

Zuko broke the silence of your amazement, unwillingly. “The records should be over there.” He offered you his hand, and you knew not only your eyes were on it. You didn’t know much about court decorum, but from the stillness in the room, you figured that casual touch between the king and an Earth Kingdom Commoner wasn’t well accepted.

You smiled instead, sweeping your arm out. “Lead the way, Firelord!” Your voice sounded unnatural, pitched and forced. Zuko’s brow furrowed but he moved anyways to your relief.

Soon you were pouring through scrolls of records, Zuko was beside you, sifting through old pages of propaganda carefully.

You pulled yourself further through time, Ozai’s name slowly losing its hold on reality due to its repetition. Other names patterned themselves around his illustrious war career.

One of them was your family name. The name your grandparents refused to breathe. That even your mother couldn’t bare to share with you. You just didn’t know which one.

As you read through another scroll that you were slowly realising was a request of rations, Zuko froze beside you. His finger stroked over a flyer, jaw tense. “y/n.” He spoke simply, but the weight of his voice pushed your heart from your throat.

Carefully you rolled the scroll in your hand, placing it back in its container. Your movements were measured and unhurried. You cleared the table in front of you, and slowly he placed the page down.

It was a decree of name change. Of occupation, or as they seemed to call it “liberation”. It stated that Guī would no longer be used, and instead the island would be referred to as Szteo’s Island, by order of the Fire Lord and thanks to the efforts of Prince Ozai, and General Yori.

You had seen the name before, in the scrolls you poured through. Always orbiting Ozai. Celebrating conquests and medals of service. It had to be him.

Yori. Your father’s name was Yori. You breathed it out like it was a poisonous gas, threatening to blacken your lungs. How had it sounded on your mother’s lips? Had she screamed it when she saw what he had done?

Yori. From the kanji rely. You stroked the character, wondering how many times you had seen it in the books you read. To describe bridges and trees, men of grand worth.

“Thank you, Zuko.” You whispered, pushing the paper away from you before your tears smudged the ink. The once comforting walls felt looming now, pressing into you. Did they contain more of your father’s conquests? More of his sins?

You stood up suddenly, stumbling away from the table and crashing violently into a librarian. The armful of scrolls he had been tenderly holding crash to the ground and all the eyes, every single one was now staring at you. In anger, in horror, confusion.

You choked out a sorry through the tears and panic, trying to control the rising fear and confusion the made your heart feel like a screaming animal. You knelt down, moving to grab the fallen scrolls but before you could, he was there, gathering the scrolls up quickly. Zuko handed them back to the stoic librarian. The man moved away but Zuko remained, kneeled beside you.

You struggled to breathe, and the sensation reminded you of drowning. You half expected to see his lips tinged blue when you looked at his face, but no. They were warm, eyes soft with concern.

“I want to take you somewhere I go to calm down. Can I touch you?” He asked, his tone tinged with worry but steady. You nodded, rising as he stood. He looped an arm through yours and guided you from the library, moving quickly through the palace halls. You could see the blurred outline of his guards in front of you, blocking you from the view of the nobility that blurred by. Thankfully.

You followed him blindly, the only thing keeping you grounded was the rhythmic sound of you Zuko’s footsteps and how his arm felt like a life raft.

The tile underfoot turned to grass, and the warmth of unfiltered sunlight on your face immediately pulled you together. A bit.

“This is the garden, it’s my favourite place in the palace. In the world, actually.” He spoke calmly in your ear, the guards moving away to reveal the lushness in front of you.

Your breath found itself in the fresh air and greenery, and you gratefully sank to your knees beside the stone lined pond. You watched the reflection of the leaves in the water, how they rippled almost systematically across the surface. Zuko sat next to you, leaning against your side slightly.

Soft chirping pulled your eyes away from the reflections and you watched as a young turtle duck bumped into its sibling, letting out a peep of indignation.

“I used to come here, with my mother. It’s peaceful. I wish I brought bread, I can go get-” he turned, lifting himself from the grass. Your hand shot out to grab him, suddenly afraid of how empty you’d feel in the absence of his warmth.

“N-no. It’s okay. This is fine.” You breathed slowly. “This is good. It’s helping.” You squeezed his arm appreciatively and he sat back against you, nodding. “Can you keep talking?” You asked, voice small. “Can you… Tell me about your mother? I want to hear about parents that weren’t…” You bit back the word. Monsters.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, nostrils flaring. Swallowing, he took your hand in his and your interlaced your fingers. Your grip was tight, but he was strong.

“She was kind. I don’t think she greeted anyone without a smile. And it was beautiful, she was so beautiful. The servants really loved her.” You saw his eyes glaze over as he watched the turtle ducks swimming in a line after their mother.

“I really loved her. She was my best friend. She made me feel better about myself, about how weak I was. My father, he always forced me to practice. but mother motivated me. She’d put the sword in my hand and ask me to prove myself. She protected me before I even learned what protection was.” He seemed to come back to reality, returning your gaze and giving you a sad smile. “I miss her. A lot.”

You nodded, swallowing past the sadness in your throat. “I understand.” You replied and he squeezed your hand.

“You do. More than many people would.” His thumb traced your knuckles, and you felt a scar on his the pad of his finger. You wondered how many traced his skin.

“My uncle, he’s the best parent I’ve ever had though. That man followed me around the world when I didn’t deserve it, he took my betrayal on the chin and loved me through it. His love for me is unconditional, I just didn’t know it until I had made him pay for it. I know I refer to Ozai as my father, but Iroh truly is. ” You heard the note of self hatred, but the pride in his voice was evident. You knew Iroh felt the same.

“He is a good father to have. He loves you deeply.”

“Would you like to tell me about your mother?” Zuko asked after a few moments of silence. The turtle ducks had travelled closer now, and one seemed to regard you curiously. You hadn’t spoken about your mother, ever. If you truly thought about it. Even the mention of her name had reduced your grandmother to tears, and it felt like a taboo in ba sing se.

“She was kind. Like yours. And wise like Iroh. She taught me to be strong above all, but that being soft wasn’t a weakness. Mom liked helping people more than people liked helping her, especially towards the end. Before she left.” You thought back to her selflessness. A part of you had always thought that she would have joined the shrine even if her parents hadn’t pressed her too, drawn to its service to the community. The same community that turned it’s back to her and her child. 

“She loved dancing. And bending. Sometimes she would do both, and I felt like the whole earth was her dance partner. She was beautiful, too. Her eyes were so green.” You twisted a blade of grass between your fingers. “Like emeralds. And when she smiled it was like, like you were the only person in her world.” You leaned against Zuko, letting your head rest against his shoulder. His cheek rested against your hair.

“What was her name?” He asked, his voice tender.

“Ine.” It felt strange on your tongue, falling twisted to the world. You wondered if she could feel it, her daughter calling to her. Wherever she was.

Perhaps you’d find her next, after finding your father. Bring him to her, hog tied and humbled. Have a family dinner and exchange pleasantries. The thought of that made you snort to yourself with laughter and Zuko pulled away slightly to look at you.

“Sorry, just a morbid thought.” You mumbled and he returned his cheek against you.

“It’s okay. It’s just good to hear you laugh.”


	9. A Celebration

“A celebration?" 

Aang bobbed his head. "Anniversary of when we restored balance. Four days of merriment and the final day is the biggest.” That explained the mounting excitement that had coloured the palace with energy. You had shied away from it, shutting yourself into your quarters more and more, unable to interact with the people of the palace without feeling meek and stupid. The only excursions were to the library lately, and you sat with your treasures even now, a yellowed scroll clutched in your hand. 

The prowling grey clouds of Aang’s eyes jumped to Zuko, who stood looking impassively through the window. The Firelord had been stiff with tension all morning, surprising you by taking breakfast in your apartments instead of in the hall. He seemed to be avoiding his advisors, charging through the palace halls like a bull and huffing at any man who dared meet his eye. You understood now, why the agitation seemed to dance across his skin so freely. The anniversary of when he betrayed his sister, condemned his father. 

For the greater good, of course. But a betrayal all the same .

He never spoke of them, the royal prisoners. Even now, when Ozai’s supporters were moving to take their revenge, Zuko never breathed his Father’s name. He had mentioned his sister only once. One day after an especially long parade of political grievances and responsibilities. You had waited outside the doors of his office, smiling when he slumped through the door. His face was drawn and tight as he shut it behind him. 

“Azula was better at this stuff.” He had murmured, voice soft enough to lose itself before you could hear. He didn’t elaborate any further, and you didn’t ask. 

“It’s a lot of fun, even if it gives Aang a bit of a bigger head. ” Katara said, perched on the side of the sette you were curled on. Though she teased her boyfriend, her eyes were on Zuko. They slid to you and then back to him, and though no words were passed you understood. 

“When does it start?” You asked, and Aang looked sheepish.

"Well uh, tomorrow’s the last day.“ He admitted and your heart dropped with your jaw. You had been more engrossed in your research than you realised. You had searched for him, his father before him, building half of your barren family tree. You knew that soon you had to move from the ink and scroll and find him, and the thought sent chills down your spine. You clung to your ability to paint a vision of him from the snippets you gathered. In that he couldn’t speak to you. 

"Oh, I’m sorry I’ve been…” You gestured bleakly at the papers in front of you. “You still should have told me though.” You pouted playfully at Katara whose smile seemed strained. 

“We, uh… Tried to.” She stammered and your face flushed. 

“I’m sorry.” You repeated and Katara shook her head. She opened her mouth to speak but Zuko’s voice cut through the air.

“Don’t be sorry.” His back was still turned, and you noted how his crown was askew, the belt on his robes lopsided. He had been taking almost every meal with you the past few days, which meant he had been skipping out on appearances. Something about him felt undone. “You had things to do. And either way,” He turned slightly and your eyes dragged down the slope of his nose, the crest of his lips. “You said you didn’t enjoy festivals when I mentioned it.” It hung in the air, the memories. You hadn’t been to a festival since those many years ago. You could still hear the sound of searing flesh at night, if you listened to your heartbeat very quietly. 

“I’d still like to see this one.” You said softly and he turned back, nodding slightly. This was different.

Aang moved to him and they began to speak in low tones, too quiet for you to hear. Katara moved closer, pretending to fuss with your hair. “He’s been shirking duties. Not all, but some. Bad mood.” She murmured, her voice light and breathy. 

She pulled away as Aang turned from Zukio, grey gaze meeting blue. 

“So, can we expect to see you today?” Aang asked as Zuko pivoted. 

You knew at once that if you said it, he would follow you. And you knew, from the soft shiver of his eyes, that he desperately did not want to. 

“Tomorrow.” You said and Aang sighed. 

“Tomorrow works. It’s the most important day anyway. Toph will kill me if you’re not there, Zuko. ” Katara rose from the couch, shooting Aang a meaningful look and he followed her to the door. “We’ll see you later tonight, after the dinner?” She asked and Zuko inclined his head, his eyes absent.

You joined him at the window, allowing your arm to press gently against his. He stiffened for a moment but when you went to pull the touch away, he leaned into you. 

“I’ve been selfish.” He said and you looked at him questioningly. 

“You’ve been my reprieve, my piece of quiet.” He bowed his head toward you. “Out there is… A lot. There’s so much to celebrate, but…” His hand tightened to a fist on the window sill. “There’s a lot to mourn. And I can’t. But here, with you.” He gestured around the drawing room, to the stack of books you’d commandeered from the library, most for pleasure reading, to the various green plants Zuko had gifted you and you tended to lovingly. “Here I don’t have to do either of those things.” He moved his hand to rub across his scar. “But I should have asked you earlier, I shou-”

“No.” You cut him off quickly. “I’m glad. That I could be that for you, and that you didn’t ask me. It’s no secret that I don’t fit in here.” He opened his mouth and you raised your hand. “In the palace, in court I mean. I keep making a fool of myself, and I feel awkward and uncomfortable. I know the nobles talk.” Zuko rolled his eyes at that, you knew his opinion of them was low in return. “And showing up at a celebration this big, by your side for days… I wouldn’t be able to. Just tomorrow is fine.” You finished confidently and Zuko’s face was dark with concern. 

“Is that why you haven’t been leaving the room much? I had thought it was because you were focusing on your research.” His jaw was tense. 

“Well, a bit of both.” You admitted and he exhaled in a puff. “It’s not that- it’s not that I don’t like the palace or the people.” You assured him quickly. “The quarters you gave me are beautiful, and it’s so nice spending time with you, and your friends. And the garden and the library…” Your head hung. 

“I’ve just been used to being faceless. In Ba Sing Se I was nobody, and here? They see me in ways I can’t control. This apartment is my reprieve too." 

"I am so sorry, y/n.” Zuko whispered, grasping your hand. “I’ve been so caught up in myself I didn’t notice. Can I make it up to you?” He asked, holding your hand to his chest. The chest plate was hard, but you knew underneath there was warmth. 

“There’s nothing you need to make up for .” You insisted and he shook his head. 

“Let’s take a trip. After the festival. You need a break from reading and I need a break from the court.” Zuko gazed at your hand intently, voice faraway. “My mother always said breaks were important. I haven’t had one since she left.” The mention of Ursa tugged at a soft place in your heart. “She never liked it here as well. I don’t know if the palace ever felt like home to her.”.

“I’ve seen portraits of your mother, around the palace. She was beautiful. You look like her.” You murmured. The expression on Zuko’s face was one you hadn’t seen before. A mixture of joy and utter pain. 

“I want to find her too. I’m going to, soon. I don’t know if she’ll come back here but…”He trailed off. 

“You’ll know where she is and that matters.” You finished and he nodded.

“You understand.” He lifted your hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I want to take you to our summer home. I think you would like it. May I?“ He whispered against your skin and you wondered if he knew what he was doing to you. 

"Okay. On one condition.” He arched an eyebrow. 

“Go to half of the events today.” You requested, hopefully. 

He groaned good naturedly, lips still soft against your skin. His breath tickled but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. “Fine. For you. You’ll see why I hate them tomorrow, having to shmooze with so many people who just see me as a stepping stone.”

A pang of guilt shot through your chest and Zuko noted the expression on your face. You covered it with a smile but the feeling gnawed at you. 

“And if I’m using you?” You asked, trying to hide behind a playful tone. “Playing up to your kindness to get room and board, using your connections to find my father.” Both his eyebrows were raised now, eyes searching your face. You shrugged, unable to stop the flood of words. “Tomorrow will be perfect for me. I can slide into that crowd of nobles, plied with drinks and merriment. Ask questions about their glory days, where their old friends have found themselves and they won’t remember my name the morning after. This chance to find him, because of you." 

Zuko took a moment before kissing your knuckle once more. 

"If you are using me, I will call it atonement and call myself lucky.” 

The next morning you awoke to a knock at your bedroom chamber door. It pulled you from a dream of dancing and ambrosia laden gazes. Before your eyes could fully open Katara swept in, clapping her hands briskly. 

"Let’s get you dressed.” It wasn’t an offer, it was a commandant and you fell into it easily. You trusted her sense of style more than yours. If the discarded pair of men’s trousers and simple tunic cast at the foot of your bed were any indicator of your own, you needed help. 

Though you were not fond of the oils and powders prefered by the nobles, they would be your mask today. She chose a simple dress for the day events, a deep red choengsam bordered with gold. You allowed the healer to braid your hair, and you nodded with happiness when you saw your reflection. Simple, clean and light. 

“Tonight, we’ll go all out.” She promised, squeezing your shoulder. You had forgotten you’d need to change for the feast. How cumbersome. 

“How do you feel?” She asked, taking your seat to fix her own hair. You helped as best as you could, fingers feeling clumsy in her soft locks. 

“Trying not to feel anything right now. But we’ll get through it. Right?" 

"Right.” She smiled at you through the mirror comfortingly. “You’ll be meeting a lot of great people today at least. Toph, Suki, my father. Even my brother.” She made a playful face of disgust in the mirror and you smiled back, but there was a twang in your heart of sadness. You wondered what it would be like to have a brother and father to introduce to people. 

Your sadness didn’t have time to make its place in your heart. Katara pulled you into the courtyard the moment she could and you were soon caught up in rounds of introductions. 

Sokka was boisterous, greeting you with a dramatic bow, slyly commenting that Zuko had undersold how beautiful you were, with Suki nodding in agreement. Sokka playfully shoved his sister before throwing his arms around her and murmuring a hello fondly into her hair. Their cerulean eyes were mirrors of each other, and the soft brown of their skin reminded you of your own. It made your heart ache. 

Suki was kind as well, and you spoke to her quickly of the Warriors.. You had read much of Kyoshi, and was honoured to meet a part of her legacy. 

Soon Aang joined you, his arm clutched by a pale young woman with eyes like jasmine petals. “Toph!” Katara called, pulling her into an embrace as Sokka tackled Aang. 

You stared in open mouth awe. Toph. She was a legend in Ba Sing Se, and here she was in front of you now. You at once admired her gruff exterior, the drawl of her voice and the firmness of her stance. She was earth incarnate. Guī would have worshipped her. 

You didn’t have time to feel lesser, as she approached you and held out a hand. 

“Name’s Toph. You must be y/n Zuko’s girlf-” You could tell by her tone she was teasing 

“Good friend? Yeah. That. And you’re Toph, Zuko’s other good friend.” You shook her hand firmly and she grinned, nodding her approval. 

“Where is Sparky?” She asked and you bit back a laugh. Sparky. How suiting. You’d have to remember that one. 

“We’ll meet him there. He’s with dad and the other leaders, a meeting before the morning ceremonies. Aang is supposed to be there too.” Katara replied, and Aang flushed. 

“We should hurry then.” The Avatar muttered.

When you saw him, you didn’t recognize him. He sat on a podium with the other heads of Nation, on the Avatars left side. King Kuei was on his right, and you recognized Sokka’s eyes in the man who sat on Aang’s right. 

Zuko looked just as foreign as the others, with his inscrutable mask of stone, the sharp straight posture. You sat a bit aways, uneasy with your position among these heros but comforted upon seeing Toph’s partner seated beside her. You tried not to stare too openly at Zuko, at how his robes seem to fall perfectly and the angle of his chin. Even the breeze didn’t seem to dare touch him. Every part of him screamed, “King, this is a king who has clawed his way to the throne.” His birthright fell about his shoulders like a second part of him. 

You wondered who would want to remove him.

He turned his head slowly, as if drawn by your gaze and when his eyes met yours the world fell away. The mask of impassivity broke and Zuko smiled at you, sincerely and wholly. He was not yours to reach for, and you knew you would never. but in that moment you wanted to run to him and gather him in your arms. To press head to chest and ensure that a heart still beat in this statue of stone and gold. 

That feeling ebbed and flowed over the day. The performances were beautiful, plays and songs from the nations celebrating the Avatar, their heroes. You chatted amicably with the others, falling into easy rapport with Suki and Sokka.But whenever you looked back, he was watching you. 

This was better than you expected. But only because your duty was to sit and watch, unlike the night when you’d be thrust into the middle of the fray. No one expected you to mingle or to chat, but you knew there was a good chance among those who may have known your father. Perhaps you could glean some information quietly. 

With the end of the final performance the gathered crowd rose to leave, ready to retire home for a bit of rest before donning their true finery for tonight. 

Before you realised, Zuko had risen from his seat and deftly jumped from the podium. His robes flickered around him as he strode towards the group, and Aang was behind him within seconds. You remained seated as the others rose, knowing Zuko would want to greet the ones he hadn’t seen in a while first. But with his arms wrapped around you tenderly from above, pressing his face into your hair momentarily before straightening up and embracing Sokka. The moment was quick, as long as a blink. But you felt his gratitude in it. 

The greetings were quick, finished with promises to spend true time together after the feast. You enjoyed the way Zuko blossomed around his friends, how easily he smiled. How freely he touched and allowed himself to be touched. The aura of warmth and love was infectious. You caught the eye of Toph’s girlfriend, a young woman with red marks on her cheek and hair the colour of chestnuts. Bee, Toph had affectionately called her. 

“Cute, isn’t it? I don’t see her like this often. She doesn’t even get this soft for me.” She said, pointing her chin towards Toph who was clutching Sokka’s arm while Katara compared their heights. “But to be fair, I don’t think I’ve seen him that as soft before as he is now. ” She continued and you gave her a questioning look. “Zuko. I think he watched you more than the performances.” She chortled at the rising blush in your cheeks. 

“We shouldn’t keep Hakoda waiting much longer, there’s things to discuss.” Sokka said, begrudgingly extracting his arm from Toph. 

“Yeah Aang, don’t want to keep your future father in law waiting.” Katara teased, making the youth flush and press another kiss to her. Sokka made a retching sound as Katara touched Aang’s cheek. The adoration between them was soft, and you smiled at the sight before catching Zuko’s eyes. He looked from them to you, and you could see the yearning. 

You hugged yourself, wondering if the need for touch was from lack of him or because of him. But soon he was departing, pulling a still waving Aang behind him. 

Agitation made Zuko’s skin hot and choked his words into a snappish tone that made his advisors cringe and Aang raise an eyebrow. He hated this day. He didn’t want to. He shouldn’t. Around him was the evidence of the good that had come from it, the balance and justice. The fact that he could sit now, beside Hakoda was a testament to the healing his nation had undergone. 

But he could feel the pull of his family, cast about the land like the broken toys of a wayward child. To heal the world he had to destroy his family. 

And he would do it again, and again. 

But the grief was not easy to quell. And years later Zuko still grappled with it. As much as he tried Aang’s meditation or Iroh’s tea it seemed every time he blinked he saw Azula’s twisted smile as the lightning blasted forth from her hand, or Ozai grinning from behind bars. 

It made the scars that traced his body throb in unison. The ones gifted to him by the same people he mourned. 

Zuko felt he had the right to be a little grumpy.

He bit back a comment as his attendant fixed his chestplate into place, feeling the fit too tight. Aang noticed the expression and moved forward quickly, adjusting it without a word. 

“You don’t need to do that.” He said, moving away from his friend’s firm hands.

“Don’t do this to yourself Zuko. You need to be comfortable. It’ll be a long night." 

The fire lord relented, glad to be soon finished with the dressing. He didn’t know what he hated more, the journey to get to the feast or the feasts themselves. 

But at least she would be there. 

"Have you heard word from the others?” Zuko asked as Aang stepped back, looking in the mirror to adjust the fall of his own Air Nomad robes. The reflection of the figures seemed like strangers to Zuko for a moment. Too angular, too tall. This day years ago Aang’s head was shoulder height, and Zuko’s hair didn’t brush the middle of his back. 

Things were almost simpler then. 

Aang paused for a moment. “I have a big head.” He murmured, running his hand over the blue tattoo and Zuko rolled his eyes in response. The Avatar grinned. 

“They should be in your receiving room soon, better finish up.” Aang reached over to a small chest set upon a nearby table and offered Zuko his crown. The Lord pierced the bun upon his head and felt the burden settle. Aang could see the darkness as it crossed his eyes, but before the monk could open his mouth, there was a knock at the door.

“Healer Katara and uh, Y/n are awaiting your presence, Lord Zuko and Avatar Aang.” A guard announced and Zuko nodded, feeling his heart skip a beat at the mention of her name. 

Zuko was immediately moving to the door, surprising Aang with his speed. He lurched after him, bounding to the door and through the hallway. Zuko paused for a moment outside of the doors, self consciously fixing his robes. He was in his greatest finery, deep crimson robes cut through with golden and deep black thread. Scenes of dragons wrapped around the large sleeves, and they danced as he raised his hand to push the door open. 

His eyes alighted first upon Katara, who was dressed prettily in a high collared gown of azure, her hair bouncing with elegant braids. She was pouring tea into the outstretched cup of an angel. 

Zuko stepped forward, to greet her, to touch her, to ensure this apparition upon his couch was real. His foot caught the threshold and he almost fell, grabbing onto aang’s arm to steady himself. A noise of concern rang from y/n soft red lips and Zuko flushed like a star eyed maiden, immediately scolding himself. 

But when he looked at her again, the embarrassment was gone. Replaced by a sensation of growing warmth and desire,

The kimono she wore was green. Deepest emerald, most faithful to the trees. Abandoning the many layered junihotoe favoured by the court ladies, she wore a simple furisode style. When she rose the sleeves almost graced the ground, and Zuko wondered how it would feel to have the fabric against his cheek. The neckline opened itself grandly, stroking along her collar bones and outlining shoulders that Zuko wanted to press his lips to.

Her deep eyes were outlined in a simple stroke of black, somehow making them even more beautiful. It almost hurt Zuko to look at her. He was vaguely aware of Aang grasping Katara’s hand and pulling her from the room. 

All he cared about was that he was alone with her. 

She was staring back at him, lips parted. Zuko watched the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, and remembered how it felt against his as they lay intertwined. With a jolt he realised she was wearing the necklace he had left for her. She touched it, noticing his gaze. Something told Zuko she was aware it was from him. 

“Beautiful.” He managed to choke out after a moment. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, y/n.” Her eyes sparkled as she grinned, giving a small shrug. “Honestly. You don’t look real." 

She flushed prettily, looking away. "You said that last time.” She murmured and Zuko was intoxicated by the sound of her voice. Drunk with the music of it, with the way her soft red lips moved. 

“Last time?” He questioned as he stepped closer. Her hair was an intricate bun, braids cut through by two slender sticks that reminded Zuko of willows. Delicate blooms of camellia were nestled into it, mirroring the velvet scarlet of her lips. In the middle of it, her pin twinkled at Zuko. He imagined pulling it from its place, and how her hair would dance as it fell. 

“The last festival. When I found you by the fountain, you told me I didn’t look real.” She replied and the memories rushed back to Zuko. The light of the lanterns, the bubble of the fountain, the hum of conversation that had fallen away as she rested her gaze upon him. He tried not to think beyond that. 

“And then,” she raised her arm slowly, the sleeve sliding down her forearm and making Zuko’s breath catch. He wondered how her wrist would feel against his lips. “I told you you could pinch me, to check.” Zuko reached forward, and she seemed to consider withdrawing her arm. But instead of pinching the delicate skin he traced the outline of a single blue vein, how it cut across the arm like a stream. It was her turn for her breath to hitch. 

“I told you that you looked like a prince.” She murmured and Zuko flushed. “I wonder how I forget you’re a king sometimes. Looking at you now…” Her eyes trailed up, and Zuko could see his crown reflected in them. Then she was looking back at him, a wry smile twisting her mouth. “I don’t know how I believed you worked at a tea shop. You radiate it like the sun, you always have. Power. Royalty. And Zuko, it suits you more than Lee does.” Her hand came up, finger tips kissing the skin of his cheeks, a breath away from his scar. Zuko’s eyes fluttered closed and he pressed into the touch. 

“It feels like falling. Every time I hear you say my name. I feel like the floor disappears and my stomach is in my chest.” He whispered hoarsely. “But I would be Lee again, if it meant being yours." 

She exhaled, stepping back slightly. Zuko felt the absence of her touch like a lost limb. He opened his eyes and saw the pain in her face, the downturn of her lips. 

He should have known better. He would never be hers again, he had dashed the chances of that against the rocky expanse of his ego. And here he was crushing the shards of their friendship. He had forgotten himself in her eyes. Forgotten what he had done to carve his place on the throne. How he ha- 

She opened her mouth, readying to say something. But before she could the door burst open, and Toph’s ringing voice filled the room. Y/n started with surprise and Zuko wheeled around, face still flushed from rejection. His expression was enough to stop Sokka, but Toph threw herself at him anyways, almost knocking him from his feet. 

"You ready for this, Sparky?” She asked, grinning up at him. 

“I think so.” He replied and she pouted, straightening up. It didn’t do much for her height. 

“Well you better be, because everyone is waiting.” Zuko forced himself to face y/n again, fixing a strained smile on his face. 

“Shall we?" 

Zuko couldn’t enjoy his food. It was good, the best the palace had ever made as usual. His chefs, along with cooks from other nations (and Aang’s input) had created a variety of dishes from each nation, some combining two or more. 

But the agitation sat heavy on Zuko’s chest and he could not bring himself to smile, no matter how many times Aang found vegetables to stuff into his nose. 

He engaged in tepid conversation with Hakoda and the Earth King, but his eyes scoured the faces of the Fire Nation Royals there. Not many. He had a severe lack of followers, not many of the upper echelon of fire Nation society deemed him fit to lead. Which explained why he was being hunted. Security had been greatly increased, as many soldiers as he could put on duty. Reinforcements from the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom. The bomb had shaken the uneasy peace that had settled around the world for a few months. 

They didn’t know who had done it. 

He didn’t need to wonder why. 

So many faces that he had seen at his father’s side, pledging allegiance to the Throne, were absent now. Put off by his betrayal. The dwindling support inflamed Zuko when he thought of it for too long. 

Zuko didn’t need them. He shouldn’t need anybody. 

His eyes alighted on the table in front of him, where Sokka, Suki, Katara and Toph sat. It was raised on a podium like the seats of the Leaders were, and Sokka leaned back to throw Zuko a comforting smile. He watched as Katara guided Toph’s hand to a plate of Bao before letting her serve herself. 

At a different table, y/n sat beside Bee. The young woman had leaned in to whisper something into the emerald eyed girl’s ear, and a soft smile spread over her face. It warmed Zuko, even though it wasn’t directed at him. 

Maybe he needed some people, he thought as Aang nudged him, eyeing a stick of carrot. 

"Please, no.” He pleaded and Aang relented, allowing it to remain free from his nostril. 

The warmth only lasted a moment, and was replaced by the icy finger down his back. They could tell, all of them. That he was on edge again, paranoid. A ticking bomb ready to explode. He winced at the thought of a bomb and his ribcage throbbed in response. 

Who knew, perhaps there was another one waiting nearby to truly cap off Zuko’s night. 

He tried to focus on the bowl of sea prunes in front of him, trying to pull himself back to the nostalgia they brought. But he watched y/n more than he ate, he couldn’t help himself. She drew many eyes, the simplicity of her adornments letting her beauty radiate through the grand hall. 

But Zuko noticed how stiff her neck was, how she kept her eyes downcast and flinched when anyone but Bee spoke to her. At once Zuko was struck by the need to run. To grab her by the hand and sprint through the halls until they were under the night sky and he could count the stars with her. 

She seemed to feel his eyes on her and looked up, making his heart clench. He could see the waver in her eyes, and knew she saw the agitation in his. She gave him a weak smile and Zuko attempted to return it, unsure if the tension that gripped his throat would allow it. 

Suddenly the man beside y/n doubled over, a hand to his throat, silently retching. Y/n turned him in horror, about to reach forward as Zuko made to stand and bound across the room. Before either of them could, the man promptly coughed out a bite of bamboo onto his plate. He stared at it contemplatively before picking it back up with his chopsticks and quickly wolfing it down again. 

Zuko and Y/n remained frozen for a second, wondering if anyone else had seen the events that had just transpired. But the rest of the hall remained in idle chatter, even Bee seeming unaware. 

Her head slowly turned back, an expression of shock and disgust painting her face. It sent a burst of laughter through Zuko’s chest, and he looked down quickly, attempting to stifle it. His teeth dug into his lower lip, the image of her expression till floating in his mind. When he looked up y/n cheeks were flushed red, her long sleeve held delicately in front of her mouth. But Zuko could see the way her eyes crinkled and how her body shook. Seeing her attempts to hold it in made it even harder for him, and he looked away, breathing steadily. Aang gave him a questioning look and Zuko shook his head , unable to articulate without laughter seeping through. 

Zuko found himself smiling for the rest of the meal. Whenever it began to fade he would look back to y/n, who had edged closer to Bee and further away from the man. Her eyes would still be dancing and the giggles would over take her again and he would find himself melting. 

Soon the plates were cleared and the tables carried away with great ceremony. The Grand hall was now free to roam, with the people of all nations mingling in a rainbow of soft chatter. It was a crush upon Zuko, pushing in on him in every direction it felt like. Compliments on the celebrations, comparisons to the one last year that took place at the South Pole, inquiries about his uncle, petitions for their pet political problems that couldn’t wait till after the party. 

And of course more thanks for doing what he did. Thanks showered upon him and his friends, thanks that they had earned but Zuko didn’t feel worthy of. 

But no matter who he was speaking to, he could always feel where she was. She drifted around the grand hall slowly, never with the same person twice. He noticed she gravitated towards the fire Nation nobles. Looking for information about him. 

The image of Yori flooded Zuko’s brain. He had known him, as he had known all of his father’s closest generals. Ozai never had anything as simple as a friend, but like minded individuals who clung to his laurels and pulled themselves up on his robes. And Zuko remembered this one. High browed, always unimpressed. Stoic by his father’s side, only raising his voice to agree. Smiling at the Agni Kai. 

He couldn’t bring himself to think of him as the one who had fathered the girl standing feet from him now, her arm looping through Katara’s. 

He had disappeared with many others, lost to Zuko’s knowledge. The traitor on the throne seemed to scare them off quite quickly. But Zuko could see his blood in her, the strong set of her jaw, the small bump that curved the ridge of her nose.The lamp light caught the emerald of her, the pin, the necklace, her eyes. He hadn’t noticed he had trailed off mid sentence until Kuei coughed pointedly. 

“Ah, I uh. Apologies, King Kuei.” Zuko stammered, shaking his head from the fog. 

“For the King of fire, you are quite passive when it comes to passion.” The king mused, taking a sip from his cup. Aang sputtered, turning quickly to hide his grin from Zuko’s ire. Zuko winced but forced a smile as the Earth King regarded him. 

“Passion is more complicated than I thought.” Zuko replied and Kuei nodded wisely. 

“Or simpler. If you choose." 

"It’s not my choice to make, King Kuei." 

Her laugh rang out, peals of music that made Zuko’s head snap back to her. He had made a decision on his part. She reached up to stroke the necklace as she listened to Hakoda and Sokka banter. He had left his heart with her that night, and had yet to retrieve it. He excused himself from Kuei and Aang, moving to join the circle of warmth. Suki arched an eyebrow at his arrival, exchanging a glance with Katara and making Zuko flush. 

"I hope you’re all enjoying your evening.” Zuko spoke to the group but he was unable to tear his eyes away from y/n. She met it boldly, and inclined her head slightly. 

“Out did yourself, Mister Firelord.” Sokka complimented and Zuko nodded. The conversation meandered comfortably and Zuko followed it, trying to keep his mind off of the way y/n dragged her teeth across her lower lip when she was listening intently, or how a lock of hair had come loose at the nape of her neck. It curled delicately against the soft skin, vibrating with the rhythm of her heart beat. 

Soon Sokka and Hakoda were pulled away, Katara and Suki excusing themselves to the bathroom. Zuko plucked a drink from the platter of a nearby server and offered it to y/n, who accepted graciously. 

“How are you?” He asked, and he wondered if she heard the sincerity in the question.

“Good. I’m fine. I was nervous, but it’s better now.” She admitted and Zuko almost sighed with relief. 

“Let me know, if there’s anything I can do. Don’t feel obligated to wait this whole thing out, you can leave whenever you want to.” He assured her and she shook her head. 

“It’s okay. I like it. I’m being…” Her eyes slid over to a group of generals situated in the corner. “Productive." 

"Does this mean I can start asking for you, as well?” Zuko murmured, noting the not so friendly stares. 

“I think it’s best you don’t.” She mumbled and Zuko could hear the shame in her voice. He reached forward to touch her elbow but hesitated. 

It wasn’t his decision to make. His arm dropped uselessly. 

She watched the crowd of people around them, most casting suspicious glances towards them. 

“Will you tell me about him? I know you’ve been in court with him, in war meetings and all that. I’ve been avoiding asking but…” She breathed deeply. “I think I’ll be ready. Tomorrow." 

"Of course. Tomorrow. I’ll tell you anything I can tomorrow.” Zuko assured her and she smiled sweetly. 

“Thank you." 

How could Zuko tell her how useless those words were from her mouth? That he would be thankless for her, happily. To do something for her was enough. 

But the horns were sounding, calling people to file from the grand hall to the adjacent courtyard. It straightened his back, pulled his chin up. He had to be his facade for a bit longer, but only a bit. Closing remarks from the Avatar, and then he would be free, just for a night. 

The crowd parted in lines, allowing the leaders and heroes to take to the centre stage. Someone touched Zuko’s hand as he passed through the crowd, and Zuko flinched. It felt like a hard pinch, sinister and foreboding. 

The dark seemed to descend on Zuko again, and he cast his eyes around for his guards. They were close by, the skull like masks impassive and offering no comfort. His pace picked up, feeling a target grow on his back. 

He was growing inattentive, soft. He should know better. 

He stood listlessly on the stage, attempting to listen as Aang spoke. The words washed over him, unhearing. 

In the crowd he saw a woman, wearing a hood. Her gold eyes glinted and for a strangled moment his sister’s name rose on his lips. But no, it was just another noble, huddling from the cold. 

The only thing here was Zuko’s guilt, as real as any person. 

The crowd erupted into applause as Aang bowed, flashing a bright eyed smile. Zuko looked beyond him and saw y/n in the front of the crowd, a small smile turning her lips. Zuko stepped forward to clasp Aang into an embrace but before he could, an explosion of light cut the pitch sky into two, fading the stars with its brilliance. 

Then came the boom. 

It was happening. Zuko had joked about it earlier but it was happening, it was happening again. Memories of the boat rocked him, the feeling of the world tearing open and his body a useless doll in the air. 

He grabbed Aang, a strangled yell in his throat as the flares in the sky sizzled. He was drowned out by another boom, and a roar from the crowd. Everyone’s faces were turned to the sky, watching their demise. 

Y/n. 

She was the only one looking his way, confusion marking her face. He opened his mouth to yell for her but another boom rocked him, this one casting the world in green. Smoke was slowly settling around and Zuko didn’t know why people weren’t running. With a sharp inhale Aang pulled the smoke onto the stage, hiding their bodies. 

"Y-y/n, the others, we have to evacuate, we have to-” his breath was shallow and Aang grasped his shoulders tightly. 

“Zuko. Zuko look at me. It’s fireworks.” The avatar’s voice was steady, cutting through the panic that threatened to push Zuko to his knees. 

Another explosion elicited a sound of pleasure from the crowd and made Zuko flinch violently. Aang held him tighter. “Get inside, get somewhere. I’ll explain to the others.” Sensing his hesitation he gave him a small push and Zuko stumbled, turning to rush off the stage. He heard hang exhale behind him, and the cloud of smoke slowly enveloped him, following him back into the hall. Most had their eyes turned to the sky, and did not notice the departure of the fire lord 

Zuko found himself in the garden, by the pond before he could realise. He sank to his knees, pulling off the heavy outer robe that held his chest plate in place. That came off too, dropping to the grass with a clatter. A part of him scolded him for making himself more vulnerable, but Zuko couldn’t care. 

He peered at his reflection, trying to see where his face throbbed around the scarred skin. So many others stared back at him. His father’s eyes, the brow he shared with his sister, his mother’s mouth. 

But he was the only one here now. Half of his family intent on ruining the world, a quarter lost to the world, and the last on the tarnished throne. Desperately trying to polish it as people tried to rip him away. It felt like a losing battle sometimes. 

A groan escaped Zuko’s lips. An idiot. He had embarrassed himself so fully. The fireworks still boomed sporadically above him, but his heart was calmer now knowing that he wasn’t about to see his friends die in front of him. 

And her. 

The thought of anything happening to her because of him ripped his heart apart. 

As though summoned by the thought, she appeared on the garden path, making her way to him. Her sleeves dragged on the grass, the moonlight deepening the jewel tones of her robes. 

Zuko expected her to stop, to call out and ask him. But instead she moved till she was next to him and sunk to her knees, wrapping her arms around him and leaning slightly against his back

The embrace was sudden and brought a shudder of emotion from deep within Zuko. He straightened up and allowed her arms to embrace him fully, pulling his face to nestle against her shoulder and neck. Her fingers found his shoulder and slowly rubbed into the muscle, murmuring comfortingly against his ear. He clung to her, the feeling unfamiliar but needed. 

“I’m sorry.” He murmured against her skin and she shook her head slightly. 

“No. There’s no need. Just rest.” Another explosion rocked the sky, making Zuko’s heart jolt weakly. He felt her flinch as well and raised his head. 

“I didn’t know they had set up fireworks. I would have stopped them” His hands moved to hold her arms, stroking them gently. The dying light of the flares cast her soft brown skin in red, shining in her eyes. She flinched once more at another burst of noise and light and Zuko winced with her. 

“You’re scared too, let me take you inside.” He murmured and Y/n shook her head. 

“I feel safe here. This garden. When I saw you were gone from the stage I knew I’d find you here. You meant it when you brought me the other day.”

Zuko nodded and she smiled. “You can be so straightforward, you don’t hide when you say things. I like that.” He scoffed. 

“Half of my days are spent hiding things, y/n. Political relationships don’t do well with truth” Zuko paused for a moment. “But I try not to lie. Not anymore.”

She smiled softly. “I was trying to convince Mingyu that her tongue turns blue every time she lied. I don’t know if she truly believed me, but she would always hide her tongue when she was fibbing.” Zuko could hear in her voice that she missed the young girl, and her mother. Y/n leaned forward to press her forehead to his shoulder and Zuko slid his arms around her. He wondered what he had done to deserve to earn such affection. He didn’t deserve it, not truly. He was still hiding from her. 

“Y/n, there’s something I have to tell you.” He whispered into her hair and she stiffened. “About Mingyu, her father.” Zuko was glad she didn’t pull away, he didn’t think he could have looked into her eyes. “I killed him. The night that I left. Someone told me he was looking for you, he wanted revenge, and I found him by your apartment and y/n… He said awful things.” Zuko felt hollow, feeling for her reaction. But she simply held him tighter and nodded. 

“They said he fell into a stream while drunk but I… I always had a feeling.” She pulled away to look to look at Zuko and smile, her eyes shining. “I guess we’re even.”

Zuko let out a choked laugh and nodded, pressing his forehead to hers. 

“I was worried you would be mad, that I hurt Mingyu and Qu-” 

“No. If he was ready to hurt me he would have hurt them too, you… Probably helped them. One less father to worry about.” She said grimly and he laughed, sincerely now. “Thank you, for telling me.”

“Of course.” He replied, looking down at their entwined fingers. “I want that to be the last piece of dishonesty between us, ever.”

She pressed her face into his shoulder again, and in the silence the crescendo of fireworks seemed to begin. Zuko had barely heard the ones before but now it was incessant. He stood up, casting a final glance at the pond. She stood with him, holding his hand tightly. He extracted his fingers and slowly slid an arm around her waist, asking if it was fine with his eyes. She leaned into it and Zuko’s heart skipped a beat. 

Wordlessly he led her back inside the palace, arm still tight around his waist. He knew the image they must have been giving off to those who loitered the palace halls, and cast her a guilty look. She didn’t seem to mind, her jaw set steadily. She noticed his gaze and smiled as they reached the door to his quarters. The guards at the door bowed. 

“The Avatar and friends are waiting in your receiving chamber. ” one announced. 

“I’ll leave you here.” Y/n murmured and Zuko immediately held onto her tighter. He nodded to the guards and they stepped inside, leaving the two alone in the hallway. Zuko turned to her now. 

“You don’t have to go, my friends love you, I’d be happy t-" 

Her hand was on his cheek, pulling him closer. Her thumb stroked along his scar, and her eyes on his face. A finger tip across his cheek bone, up to circle around his ear then back down his jaw. Tracing a path like a memory 

"And I love your friends. Really. But you haven’t been able to catch up with your friends properly. I don’t want you to feel as though you have to baby sit me in there. I’ll join you for breakfast tomorrow, we’ll all eat together. But I’m a bit… Tired.” Zuko almost didn’t hear her, too focused on the blossoming warmth that spread from the spot she touched. He looked at her in surprise and she gave a small smile. 

“If you’re tired.” He murmured and she was moving closer, her eyes gazing intently at his lips. Zuko’s hands found her waist 

“Will you miss me?” She asked, her breath soft on Zuko’s mouth. She smelled like mint tea. 

“Yes.” He replied, eyes closing. 

The feel of her lips were a shadow upon his, a suggestion. He didn’t know if they actually kissed, just that she pressed her lips to his jaw after a moment, before pulling away and leaving him empty of her. 

“Let me get my guards, they can escort you.” He called after her as she moved away. She was pulling the pin from her hair, sending it tumbling down in thick waves about her.She was leaving a trail of camellias in her wake. She turned back, granting him a wide smile. 

“I’ll be fine, Zuko. Tell your friends I say hello. Take care!" 

He stared at the corner she disappeared around for a few moments before collecting the pieces of his heart and entering his quarters. 

You kept yourself from breaking into a run. You knew that you had to put space between the both of you as fast as possible, before you turned around and threw yourself back at him. Disappearing into him wholly and fully. 

The tears pricked at your eyes but you set your jaw and found yourself at your quarters soon. You dismissed the guards at the door quickly, and shut the door behind you. You’d have a few moments before he arrived, and you needed to breathe. Needed to collect yourself, stop thinking about Zuko in his grand robes, Zuko’s soft touch and hard jaw, Zuko’s tender smile and raw fear, Zuko, Zuko, Zu- 

"It took you long enough.” A voice drawled from a darkened corner of the small sitting room. Your heart clenched at it. 

“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, may I offer you some tea?” You moved to the delicate stone set Zuko had placed in your room. You needed to do something with your hands before they trembled themselves to tatters. 

The nobleman stood from the chair in the corner he had been sitting upon. “That’s not needed.” His voice was gravely and grave, suiting for his somber and heavy set face. It had stared at you with curiosity as you made light conversation with the men he stood with, and you filed away his name during the introductions. You would steer the conversation carefully to old war stories, difficult as most of them looked guilty at the thought. Some still carried their actions with some sense of pride and you would sift through their words, trying to see if any of them were on campaigns with your father. 

You didn’t need to search with Date. 

He had found you as the crowd exited the hall, falling into easy step beside you. 

“You look like him, did they tell you that?" 

Your heart had dropped and you stopped yourself from wheeling around. Your pace slowed, allowing the sea of people to move around. 

"Except for your eyes,” you slowly turned to face him, soft horror creeping down your neck. “You have her eyes.” The Avatar’s speech but you could not hear anything but the man beside you. 

“You know.” You choked out and he nodded. “Do you know where he is?” You asked and his eyes shot back to you. 

“Can’t say, but I can take you. I won’t elaborate here.” He said, turning his back. 

“I’m staying in the quarters on the East side. Please.”

“Fine. After the ceremony. Do not tell a soul.”

The sound of his footsteps pulled you out from your reverie. He took a place on the ornate sofa as though meant to be there. “Will you light a lamp?” He requested blithely and you tried not to let it stiffen you. 

You lit it with a match and careful hand, knowing he would be staring at you. 

“So you’re not a firebender.” You pretended to be disappointed, shameful. It was half true, you hadn’t bent fire in years. 

“Earth then?” You shook your head and he shrugged. 

“None of my children bend either.” The small talk drove you mad. 

“So, where is he?" 

"In a colony, under a different name.” He said, his gaze unnerving and unwavering. 

“A different name?” You questioned. “He seems to have hidden carefully from the Firelord." 

"Most of Ozai’s supporters have. The heart of the fire Nation has spread from the palace, bonefire giving away to many small flickers. But they still burn.” You bristled at his matter of fact tone. 

“You’re wrong. The heart is here. He beats proudly." 

The man’s mouth twisted grimly. "Your father would disagree. He was one of Oz-" 

"I know what he was. You were there too? On Guī?” He leaned back, crossing his arms. The conversation felt like sparring, quick jabs back and forth, It exhausted you.

“Yes. It was one of my first campaigns." 

"And you knew my mother?" 

"Only from afar. Striking woman, you have her-" 

"Eyes. So you said.” You swallowed past the heaviness in your throat. “Take me to Yori. I’ll pay you." 

"There’s no need for payment.” He assured you. “I believe he’d like to meet you too. It’ll be an honour to help you, and Yori. I am hoping your intentions aren’t harmful, of course.”

“Does he… Does he know about me?”

“I don’t know. I know he had an inkling. Something your mother had said before we… Left.” You winced but nodded. The only thing that surprised you was that he would be open to seeing you. 

“But I can’t allow you to tell the Firelord. I don’t want to be followed, to get involved like that.” He stated and you nodded, taking a shaky breath. “I leave tonight. You leave with me now, but if you stay… He’ll fear you have told Zuko and disappear again.” You thought as much. 

“I’ll pack my things. Give me a moment." 

"No goodbye for your sweetheart?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and you winced. 

“He’s not mine.” You whispered and he smiled at that. 

“Good. Perhaps you should let him know that someday. I’ll wait for you to pack.” You felt dismissed and found yourself walking quickly to your bed chamber. Once a general always a general it seemed. 

You left behind everything you had been gifted during your time at the palace. None of the robes, trinket, soft pretty things. You found the bag you had carried there, dusty with lack of use, and packed the simple tunics you had brought from Ba Sing Se. You didn’t think you would be returning soon. There wouldn’t be reason to. There shouldn’t be. 

As you packed you thought of Zuko. 

He would understand, wouldn’t he? He would be upset and hurt and miss you. But he would understand. You allowed the beautiful silk you wore to drop to the ground, tears joining the cloth. He knew what it meant to find your father, your mother. 

He would understand. 

He would have to understand. 

If this drove him from you, all the better wasn’t it? Wasn’t it what you wanted? Your brain screamed at itself as you stalked to the basin and splashed the cold water over your face. You were afraid to look in the mirror and see the face of someone he could love. Someone who could never be worthy to stand by his side, bathe in his gold light, relieve his burden and balance the world with him. 

But he loved you all the same. 

“It’s retribution.” You hissed into the tomb like silence. “I’m not doing anything he hasn’t.” The guilt gnawed through until you grabbed an empty piece of parchment and a brush. 

You tried not to let the tears stain the ink. It still felt wrong, looking at the simple characters in your messy hand. You ripped it up quickly and grabbed another one, taking a deep breath. You set to writing again, taking your time. Date came to the door, and called to you. He observed over your shoulder, ensuring you weren’t alerting the king. But you didn’t care, letting him be privy to your grief. 

You wrote until you felt hollow. Carefully you rolled it up and looked for a place to put it. Your eye alighted on your side table. Your fingers stroked across the cover of the book he had gifted to you and you considered taking it. It felt like a second heart. You had filled it with pieces of him,of you, had drawn dreams in the margins and underlined passages that had made your heart soar. You traced the engravings on the cover.Reverently you placed the scroll on top of the book. 

His first gift to you would be your last gift to him, it felt suiting. 

In the morning Zuko will wake. His mouth will be dry from last night’s alcohol, his cheeks sore from smiling. He will dress in the robes you complimented some time ago. The others won’t be ready for breakfast for another few hours, but he will make his way to your apartments, feet light and smile airy. He will find the guards missing from your door, and a half drunk cup of tea on the table of your living room. 

He will find your bed empty, sheets smoothed perfectly. He will find the green and gold robes creating a pool on the floor. 

He will find your book on the nightstand, and the scroll placed on top of it. He will not read it, at first. He pretends not to see. To not know what it means. 

Instead he will turn to your wardrobe and search through it. He will not find the soft linen you arrived in, nor the bag you carried. He will not find your shoes, or your pin on the dresser. 

His breath will grow sharper and the fall of his feet harsher. 

Finally he will sit upon the bed, the side you slept on. His hands will shake. He will open the scroll and read. Words like “apologise” “someday” “loved” “love” “loves”. Phrases like “found him” “not worthy” “the way you look at me”. He will read them as though he is committing them to memory.. He will miss breakfast, then lunch. His friends will come to find him and then lose him again the moment he turns back. His finger will trace over the way you signed your name.

The sun will set upon him. It will bathe his body in ochre as he lays in the space you left behind and reads


End file.
